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Fandomweekly Challenge 143 - Only when I sleep
Title: Only when I sleep
Fandom: Torchwood
Tosh knelt anxiously by the opening to the manhole that led down to Jack's bunker under his office. She knew he slept there when he wasn't out prowling the streets or looking for action, or just standing up on the rooftops of Cardiff's tallest buildings brooding over the city skyline. She hoped that tonight he was just in blissful repose. It was too dark to see and she didn't want to pry anymore than she already was. Even Jack deserved some privacy.
She knocked on the underside of the meal hatch, causing a gentle clanging sound to emate down into the darkness. ‘Jack?’ she called out softly.
‘Tosh? Is that you?’ he replied, sounding far from groggy sleep. Perhaps he’d been merely lying there thinking about things she couldn't even contemplate.
She sensed movement and then slowly he came into view as the dim light from his office above them illuminated his outline as it ascended the narrow ladder. ‘It’s late,’ he said, then frowned, ‘or early, depending on how you look at it. Is everything okay? Did I miss a rift alert?’
‘No, nothing like that. I just.. Couldn't sleep. I was wondering if we could just talk.’
‘Of course.’ He moved up the ladder and out through the opening, revealing that he was wearing only his t-shirt and underpants. Tosh observed with a flush of embarrassment that they were Calvin Klein and left almost nothing to the imagination. She had no romantic interest, only her finely honed torchwood skills of perception that prevented her from not noticing them in the same way she observed every minute detail of an investigation. Jack showed no embarrassment whatsoever.
‘What did you want to talk about, Toshiko?’
She chewed her lip, feeling stupid that she’d come all this way in the middle of the night, disrupting him from sleep. ‘I was having trouble sleeping, thinking about what happened with those people up in the Brecon Beacons.’
Jack’s expression grew hard at the reply. ‘Tosh, they weren't people. Even calling them animals wouldn't be fair.’ She sensed how much it had vexed him to have to hand them over to the police. He’d wanted to kill them. ‘Nightmares?’ he asked. She nodded. ‘Tell me about them.’
Tosh felt immediately insecure. ‘It was just about being stuck in the cellar with those people.’
‘No,’ Jack repeated. ‘Tell me about it. In detail. Describe it to me.’
‘I don't think-’
Jack reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. Even though she was still sore from her ordeal she didn't flinch at the gentle touch. ‘It'll help. I promise.’
She swallowed down the lump of hesitation building in her throat. She could trust Jack. That was why she was here, wasn't it? There'd been a time before Gwen and Ianto, Owen and Suzie, when it had just been the two of them. If anyone knew what to say to make her feel better, it was Jack.
‘If you're having trouble sleeping, chances are the others are too.’
‘Everyone gets nightmares,’ she replied. ‘Well, maybe not you.’
Jack's hand on her shoulder squeezed gently, making her meet his eyes. ‘Me more than anyone,’ he told her, and she didn't have to wonder why. The things he must have seen working for Torchwood all these years. He coaxed her towards the sofa and sat her down on it.
‘It wasn't like how it happened,’ she said, trying to explain that what she'd experienced in her dreams was far worse.
He held a finger up to silence her. ‘Hold that thought,’ he said, wandering across the hub. Her eyes followed him as he flipped on the kettle and proceeded to fill two mugs with hot chocolate. When the kettle was boiled he carried the two mugs over, handing her one and putting his on the table in front of them, before pulling out the spare blanket stowed under the sofa and draping it across both their laps, concealing his bare legs which Tosh only now realised must have been freezing. ‘There, now we're good. Nice and cosy.’
Tosh sipped the hot chocolate, feeling its warmth seep into her for a few minutes.
‘Tell me what you saw.’
She drank some more then set it down on the table. ‘We were back down in that cellar, Ianto and I. Then that woman came down, only this time there were three men behind her. She had the shotgun, pointed at me, and forced me into the corner whilst the men grabbed Ianto and cuffed his hands in front of him. He was so scared. The man said they usually killed upstairs. The cellar was just for keeping people until they were ready, where they stored all their clothes. We were the last two left so it didn’t matter now. Everyone else was already cut up, ready for the fridge. When I looked at the pile of clothes again, I saw Gwen’s parka, and Owen’s shoes, and your coat…’
‘What else?’
‘There was a chain hanging from the roof. They padlocked Ianto to it and then kicked his feet out from under him. There was this huge knife. They had it against his throat. I tried to stop them but the woman hit me in the face with the gun. I couldn't stop them. All I could hear was Ianto screaming and then nothing. Just blood. Blood everywhere. Ianto hanging from the chain, and…’
Her breath hitched and her eyes suddenly welled up with thick tears. Jack was there, wrapping her up in a hug, letting Tosh lose herself in his comforting embrace. ‘It's okay now. You're safe. It's not real. It was just a dream. Shhh…’
Tosh cried into his t-shirt, knowing he was right but unable to shake the sights and smells from that place. Fear and horror had clung to every surface, but slowly it began to dissipate until all she felt was an overwhelming weariness, letting herself to surrender to it, wrapped safe in Jack's arms.
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Tosh, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 143 - Nightmares at [Unknown site tag]fandomweekly
Summary: Tosh’s sleep is disturbed by the things she’s seen and what might have been.
Tosh knelt anxiously by the opening to the manhole that led down to Jack's bunker under his office. She knew he slept there when he wasn't out prowling the streets or looking for action, or just standing up on the rooftops of Cardiff's tallest buildings brooding over the city skyline. She hoped that tonight he was just in blissful repose. It was too dark to see and she didn't want to pry anymore than she already was. Even Jack deserved some privacy.
She knocked on the underside of the meal hatch, causing a gentle clanging sound to emate down into the darkness. ‘Jack?’ she called out softly.
‘Tosh? Is that you?’ he replied, sounding far from groggy sleep. Perhaps he’d been merely lying there thinking about things she couldn't even contemplate.
She sensed movement and then slowly he came into view as the dim light from his office above them illuminated his outline as it ascended the narrow ladder. ‘It’s late,’ he said, then frowned, ‘or early, depending on how you look at it. Is everything okay? Did I miss a rift alert?’
‘No, nothing like that. I just.. Couldn't sleep. I was wondering if we could just talk.’
‘Of course.’ He moved up the ladder and out through the opening, revealing that he was wearing only his t-shirt and underpants. Tosh observed with a flush of embarrassment that they were Calvin Klein and left almost nothing to the imagination. She had no romantic interest, only her finely honed torchwood skills of perception that prevented her from not noticing them in the same way she observed every minute detail of an investigation. Jack showed no embarrassment whatsoever.
‘What did you want to talk about, Toshiko?’
She chewed her lip, feeling stupid that she’d come all this way in the middle of the night, disrupting him from sleep. ‘I was having trouble sleeping, thinking about what happened with those people up in the Brecon Beacons.’
Jack’s expression grew hard at the reply. ‘Tosh, they weren't people. Even calling them animals wouldn't be fair.’ She sensed how much it had vexed him to have to hand them over to the police. He’d wanted to kill them. ‘Nightmares?’ he asked. She nodded. ‘Tell me about them.’
Tosh felt immediately insecure. ‘It was just about being stuck in the cellar with those people.’
‘No,’ Jack repeated. ‘Tell me about it. In detail. Describe it to me.’
‘I don't think-’
Jack reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. Even though she was still sore from her ordeal she didn't flinch at the gentle touch. ‘It'll help. I promise.’
She swallowed down the lump of hesitation building in her throat. She could trust Jack. That was why she was here, wasn't it? There'd been a time before Gwen and Ianto, Owen and Suzie, when it had just been the two of them. If anyone knew what to say to make her feel better, it was Jack.
‘If you're having trouble sleeping, chances are the others are too.’
‘Everyone gets nightmares,’ she replied. ‘Well, maybe not you.’
Jack's hand on her shoulder squeezed gently, making her meet his eyes. ‘Me more than anyone,’ he told her, and she didn't have to wonder why. The things he must have seen working for Torchwood all these years. He coaxed her towards the sofa and sat her down on it.
‘It wasn't like how it happened,’ she said, trying to explain that what she'd experienced in her dreams was far worse.
He held a finger up to silence her. ‘Hold that thought,’ he said, wandering across the hub. Her eyes followed him as he flipped on the kettle and proceeded to fill two mugs with hot chocolate. When the kettle was boiled he carried the two mugs over, handing her one and putting his on the table in front of them, before pulling out the spare blanket stowed under the sofa and draping it across both their laps, concealing his bare legs which Tosh only now realised must have been freezing. ‘There, now we're good. Nice and cosy.’
Tosh sipped the hot chocolate, feeling its warmth seep into her for a few minutes.
‘Tell me what you saw.’
She drank some more then set it down on the table. ‘We were back down in that cellar, Ianto and I. Then that woman came down, only this time there were three men behind her. She had the shotgun, pointed at me, and forced me into the corner whilst the men grabbed Ianto and cuffed his hands in front of him. He was so scared. The man said they usually killed upstairs. The cellar was just for keeping people until they were ready, where they stored all their clothes. We were the last two left so it didn’t matter now. Everyone else was already cut up, ready for the fridge. When I looked at the pile of clothes again, I saw Gwen’s parka, and Owen’s shoes, and your coat…’
‘What else?’
‘There was a chain hanging from the roof. They padlocked Ianto to it and then kicked his feet out from under him. There was this huge knife. They had it against his throat. I tried to stop them but the woman hit me in the face with the gun. I couldn't stop them. All I could hear was Ianto screaming and then nothing. Just blood. Blood everywhere. Ianto hanging from the chain, and…’
Her breath hitched and her eyes suddenly welled up with thick tears. Jack was there, wrapping her up in a hug, letting Tosh lose herself in his comforting embrace. ‘It's okay now. You're safe. It's not real. It was just a dream. Shhh…’
Tosh cried into his t-shirt, knowing he was right but unable to shake the sights and smells from that place. Fear and horror had clung to every surface, but slowly it began to dissipate until all she felt was an overwhelming weariness, letting herself to surrender to it, wrapped safe in Jack's arms.