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Fandomweekly Challenge 178 - Fair game
Title: Fair game
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, PC Andy
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG.
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: None
Author notes: Written for Challenge 178 - Anger management at![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomweekly
Summary: Sometimes it isn’t the aliens that are the ones causing all the trouble.
Jack pulled the SUV in right behind Andy’s police car. The officer himself was leaning back against it, apparently just waiting for Torchwood to arrive. Jack alighted from the car and gave Andy a wink. ‘Holding the fort for us? You shouldn’t have.’
Andy bristled and stood taller. ‘I’m here on official business.’
‘Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing.’
‘I was…’ Andy paused, searching for the right words. He huffed. ‘Alright, if you must know, the bloke in that house is a right pain in the arse,’ he said, thumbing over his shoulder.
‘What, you mean he's still in there?’ There was an unbridled displeasure in Jack's voice that implied the police were so inept they couldn't even manage to remove a private citizen from his own home.
‘Threatened to take someone's kneecaps out with a cricket bat if we got any closer.’
Jack frowned. ‘So, arrest him.’
Andy's eyes rolled. ‘We can't just arrest him. That's not how it works. If we had to arrest everyone in Cardiff who threatened a police officer and told him to sod off we'd need a much bigger police station to process them all.’
Jack grunted and rolled his own eyes. ‘Thanks, Andy. We’ll take it from here,’ he said, dismissing the lanky police officer whose height towered over even Jack's imposing silhouette. Ianto wondered if the dismissal wasn't a vain attempt to get rid of the only person on scene taller and more imposing.
Andy tugged on the lapels of his police overcoat as it reflected the luminous yellow strips catching the streetlight. ‘Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you.’
Jack turned his head slightly and gave Andy a stern look. ‘We've got this, okay?’
Andy's hands went up in mock surrender. ‘Okay, okay. Torchwood have this. Heard you loud and clear.’ He walked off back towards his patrol car and Ianto could hear the mutterings of “sodding Torchwood” and “don't bother listening to me.”
Ianto laid a hand on Jack's arm before he could start issuing orders, even if it was only just the two of them. ‘Perhaps I might go and see if I can talk our concerned local resident down.’
Jack raised a curious eyebrow at his right hand man. ‘You think I can't handle one guy?’
‘Not at all. Just… diplomacy is more my thing. You go check the other houses. Be all action hero-y.’
Jack chuckled. ‘Flatterer.’
Ianto approached the front door and rang the bell. It was quickly thrust open.
‘Told you lot to effing sod off!’
‘Apologies for the interruption, sir, but we need to evacuate you from the premises.’
The man’s eyes narrowed. ‘Why?’
‘Chemical leak.’
‘D'you really think I believe that bollocks? You're not moving anyone else out. I've paid my rent for this month so you can bugger off.’
Ianto cleared throat, not letting the first failed lie put him off. It happened. People in Cardiff were sceptical of things at the best of times so he always had at least two even more elaborate lies ready to implement. He pulled his wallet out. ‘We're Scotland Yard, sir, and the chemical leak is from highly specialised compounds stolen from a secure lab last week. Our intelligence had the culprits in the area. They were apprehended earlier today and confessed to dumping their cache before their arrest. On your property. Now, there's a chance they haven't yet breached their containment seals, but if they do…’
‘Save your breath and piss off. No one’s been anywhere near my place. Intelligence, my arse. Total incompetence, more like.’
‘Sir, I really must insist. This is official business. National security laws clearly state that–’
‘I don't give a flying rats arse, d'you hear? You're not taking one more step on this property. In fact, you can take a few steps back that way,’ he said, indicating the front gate, ‘and then keep on bloody walking.’
‘Sir,’ Ianto reached for his elbow, readying to escort him.
‘Don't you push me!’ The man yelled in his face and then, before he could say anything more, Ianto felt his head snap back and hit something hard, before he was dropping like a stone to the ground. His face was a blaze of pain and then came a series of thuds, scuffling sounds then a snap and a final thud. Ianto blinked and realised he was in a pile on the front doorstep, head spinning slightly before his vision was blocked by a familiar grey coat and a hand on his cheek.
‘Ianto! Are you okay?’
Ianto clutched at his face, feeling a stream of warmth flowing out over his lips. His instinct was to pinch his nose shut, but even cupping his hand around the general area hurt like hell. ‘I dink he boke by doze.’
‘That's okay,’ Jack said. ‘I think I broke a hell of a lot more in return.’
Ianto turned to find the man on the ground, out cold and one arm sticking out at an unnatural angle. ‘Is dis you devending by ona?’
‘Anyone throws a fist at my boyfriend gets what's coming to him,’ Jack replied, massaging the back of his knuckles. ‘You went down and I came running.’
Ianto reached into his pocket and extracted his handkerchief, holding it gingerly under his bleeding nose before he dripped any more blood onto his shirt and tie, noting that it was already stained with streaks and spots of bright red. That was one of his favourite ties, too. ‘Is dis wot day cawl aving ander manadmen izzews?’
Jack shrugged. ‘He was angry. I managed it. Now it’s not an issue. Now, you go back to the car. I'll grab whatever it is that came through and then we'll take you to the hospital to get that checked out.’
‘Gate. Wot aboud im?’
‘He still has one good arm. And two good legs. I'm sure he can call himself an ambulance. He'd just better hope that we're not still there when he arrives.’
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, PC Andy
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG.
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: None
Author notes: Written for Challenge 178 - Anger management at
fandomweeklySummary: Sometimes it isn’t the aliens that are the ones causing all the trouble.
Jack pulled the SUV in right behind Andy’s police car. The officer himself was leaning back against it, apparently just waiting for Torchwood to arrive. Jack alighted from the car and gave Andy a wink. ‘Holding the fort for us? You shouldn’t have.’
Andy bristled and stood taller. ‘I’m here on official business.’
‘Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing.’
‘I was…’ Andy paused, searching for the right words. He huffed. ‘Alright, if you must know, the bloke in that house is a right pain in the arse,’ he said, thumbing over his shoulder.
‘What, you mean he's still in there?’ There was an unbridled displeasure in Jack's voice that implied the police were so inept they couldn't even manage to remove a private citizen from his own home.
‘Threatened to take someone's kneecaps out with a cricket bat if we got any closer.’
Jack frowned. ‘So, arrest him.’
Andy's eyes rolled. ‘We can't just arrest him. That's not how it works. If we had to arrest everyone in Cardiff who threatened a police officer and told him to sod off we'd need a much bigger police station to process them all.’
Jack grunted and rolled his own eyes. ‘Thanks, Andy. We’ll take it from here,’ he said, dismissing the lanky police officer whose height towered over even Jack's imposing silhouette. Ianto wondered if the dismissal wasn't a vain attempt to get rid of the only person on scene taller and more imposing.
Andy tugged on the lapels of his police overcoat as it reflected the luminous yellow strips catching the streetlight. ‘Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you.’
Jack turned his head slightly and gave Andy a stern look. ‘We've got this, okay?’
Andy's hands went up in mock surrender. ‘Okay, okay. Torchwood have this. Heard you loud and clear.’ He walked off back towards his patrol car and Ianto could hear the mutterings of “sodding Torchwood” and “don't bother listening to me.”
Ianto laid a hand on Jack's arm before he could start issuing orders, even if it was only just the two of them. ‘Perhaps I might go and see if I can talk our concerned local resident down.’
Jack raised a curious eyebrow at his right hand man. ‘You think I can't handle one guy?’
‘Not at all. Just… diplomacy is more my thing. You go check the other houses. Be all action hero-y.’
Jack chuckled. ‘Flatterer.’
Ianto approached the front door and rang the bell. It was quickly thrust open.
‘Told you lot to effing sod off!’
‘Apologies for the interruption, sir, but we need to evacuate you from the premises.’
The man’s eyes narrowed. ‘Why?’
‘Chemical leak.’
‘D'you really think I believe that bollocks? You're not moving anyone else out. I've paid my rent for this month so you can bugger off.’
Ianto cleared throat, not letting the first failed lie put him off. It happened. People in Cardiff were sceptical of things at the best of times so he always had at least two even more elaborate lies ready to implement. He pulled his wallet out. ‘We're Scotland Yard, sir, and the chemical leak is from highly specialised compounds stolen from a secure lab last week. Our intelligence had the culprits in the area. They were apprehended earlier today and confessed to dumping their cache before their arrest. On your property. Now, there's a chance they haven't yet breached their containment seals, but if they do…’
‘Save your breath and piss off. No one’s been anywhere near my place. Intelligence, my arse. Total incompetence, more like.’
‘Sir, I really must insist. This is official business. National security laws clearly state that–’
‘I don't give a flying rats arse, d'you hear? You're not taking one more step on this property. In fact, you can take a few steps back that way,’ he said, indicating the front gate, ‘and then keep on bloody walking.’
‘Sir,’ Ianto reached for his elbow, readying to escort him.
‘Don't you push me!’ The man yelled in his face and then, before he could say anything more, Ianto felt his head snap back and hit something hard, before he was dropping like a stone to the ground. His face was a blaze of pain and then came a series of thuds, scuffling sounds then a snap and a final thud. Ianto blinked and realised he was in a pile on the front doorstep, head spinning slightly before his vision was blocked by a familiar grey coat and a hand on his cheek.
‘Ianto! Are you okay?’
Ianto clutched at his face, feeling a stream of warmth flowing out over his lips. His instinct was to pinch his nose shut, but even cupping his hand around the general area hurt like hell. ‘I dink he boke by doze.’
‘That's okay,’ Jack said. ‘I think I broke a hell of a lot more in return.’
Ianto turned to find the man on the ground, out cold and one arm sticking out at an unnatural angle. ‘Is dis you devending by ona?’
‘Anyone throws a fist at my boyfriend gets what's coming to him,’ Jack replied, massaging the back of his knuckles. ‘You went down and I came running.’
Ianto reached into his pocket and extracted his handkerchief, holding it gingerly under his bleeding nose before he dripped any more blood onto his shirt and tie, noting that it was already stained with streaks and spots of bright red. That was one of his favourite ties, too. ‘Is dis wot day cawl aving ander manadmen izzews?’
Jack shrugged. ‘He was angry. I managed it. Now it’s not an issue. Now, you go back to the car. I'll grab whatever it is that came through and then we'll take you to the hospital to get that checked out.’
‘Gate. Wot aboud im?’
‘He still has one good arm. And two good legs. I'm sure he can call himself an ambulance. He'd just better hope that we're not still there when he arrives.’