BTBD Challenge 23 - Tall tail

[m_findlow]

Title: Tall tail
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Torchwood team, Rhys
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 639 words
Content notes: Written for Challenge 23 - Explanation at beattheblackdog
Summary: Rhys is going to have a hard time explaining this one

'How am I supposed to go to work like this Gwen?' Rhys complained,staring with incredulity at this latest development.

She crossed her arms and cocked her head slightly, trying to be supportive, but struggling not to see the funny side. 'Well, er, it's not really that bad, sweetheart.'

'Not bad? Not bad?' he ranted louder, bending over and turning around to show her the the full extent.

'It's kinda cute,' Jack added, admiring Rhys's derriere from the railing above the medical bay, which was now sporting a tiny curly pigs tail, but in a bright shade of yellow with purple polka dots.

'Shut it you!' Rhys ordered, pointing a finger accusingly at him. Jack leaned back from the railing and threw his hands up in supplication.

'Ianto warned you not to touch it,' he lectured.

Rhys ignored him and moved to gingerly touch his new rear appendage. 'Can't very well turn up at work with this thing sticking out, can I?'

'I'm sure you can hide it in your jeans,' Gwen replied, rubbing his arm comfortingly.

'Or we could always cut it off,' Owen suggested, grinning.

'Could that work?' Gwen asked eagerly.

'One way to find out.'

'You're not cutting off anything, mate!' Rhys cried out, quickly placing both hands protectively over his new tail. Jack rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his hips, knowing that he needed to do something to diffuse the situation before Owen got Rhys any more riled up. Amusing as it was, in its apparent harmlessness, Rhys wasn't nearly as accustomed to weird body transformations as the rest of them, and was struggling to stay calm and find the funny side. Unlike Jack, he wasn't contemplating the device's abilities, and how they could be best put to use, or even just for a bit of fun. Then again, most people didn't have the same kind of warped mind and openness tobizarre experiencing the bizarre that Jack did.

'Tosh!' he yelled out. 'Are we any closest to figuring out how this happened and how to reverse this?'

She came over to them with a sheaf of papers, looking excited as Ianto carefully followed her, wheeling the small device over on a metal trolley.

'It's fascinating. Simply put there's a neo exothermal power source that emits a tertiary level non neutronic energy field, capable of transmuting anthropomorphic qualities from its octal numeric based database to extract extraneous genetic subcutaneous material into external neoplasm.'

'That's the simple explanation?' Owen said incredulously. 'It would have made more sense if Teaboy had explained it in Welsh.'

'Translation, Ianto? In English?' Jack asked, his head already beginning to hurt. Tosh sometimes forgot that the rest of them didn't operate on the same intellectual level as she did.

Ianto coughed and cleared his throat. 'It, uh, turns surplus fat into animal appendages.'

'Surplus fat?' Rhys exclaimed, taking the comment for an insult. Gwen held him back, though Ianto was well out of harm's way at the top of the stairs.

'How do we fix it?'

'We haven't been able to figure out a way to reverse the process yet. Cutting it off would seem to be the safest option,' Ianto conceded, giving Tosh a wayward glance and reassured by her head nodding in agreement.

'Excellent,' Owen said, snapping on a glove. 'I love it when I get to play doctor.'

Jack tired to be sympathetic to to grave look of concern etched on Rhys's face. 'He really does know what he's doing,' he reassured him.

'I'm supposed to be driving a van to Conwy tomorrow. How am I supposed to explain to them that I can't sit for five hours?'

'We'll tell them you injured your back,' Gwen offered.

'Bruised your tailbone,' Owen added.

'Very funny,' Rhys moped.

'Play your cards right and you might even get worker's compensation.'