Anythingdrabble Challenge 61 - Indescribable

[m_findlow]

Title: Indescribable
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Ianto, Rhiannon
Word Count: 1,587 words
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for Challenge 61 - Describe at anythingdrabble
Summary: Ianto has never been good at describing his innermost thoughts.

Rhiannon plonked herself on the sofa next to Ianto as he was working on the laptop.

Ianto paused and looked up at her. 'Did you need something?' He knew if felt rude, since she'd given him a place to stay where the authorities might leave him alone. What he really needed though was to get to the bottom of some of these strange rift readings. Just because Torchwood had become splintered didn't mean the rift had decided to give them a break. What he really wanted was to sort this out and send it back to Gwen to deal with. He had more pressing matters in assisting with the clean-up of the aftermath of the world nearly having ended. That was his main focus. It felt like atoning for having not done enough before. Surely Rhiannon could see he was busy.

She gripped her mug of tea, watching him over it as she tucked one leg under the other, making herself more comfortable. 'Just came to talk, that's all.'

Ianto slowly set the lid down, knowing that when his sister said she wanted to talk, there was no way it was going to be a five minute conversation. Perhaps she wanted him to move out. He wasn't ready to move back to his flat, but he could probably find somewhere short term to rent. He imagined he wasn't the easiest person to live with, especially not when you were already living cheek by jowl with a husband and two kids. 'So, what is it you want to talk about?'

'Tell me about this Jack of yours,' she said, not beating around the bush.

Ianto paused, the question catching him off guard. 'What's to tell?'

'Come on, Ianto. You've been living under this roof for two weeks now and barely a word about him. Everything else, but not him.'

Ianto shook his head. She had a knack for wanting to talk about things he didn't. He didn't even think he could call Jack his. Not after everything. Two weeks since the 456 had been defeated and no one had seen hide nor hair of Jack. He'd disappeared into thin air. Gwen had been blowing up his phone, trying to get him to answer, but it rang out, and there was no answering service. She wanted desperately to tell him Ianto was alive and that he needed to come back. If Jack even had the phone with him, he wasn't interested in speaking to anyone. Given what Ianto knew and what he'd done in order to save the world, who could really blame him.

He'd probably been a bit liberal with the truth as well, telling his sister all kinds of things he normally wouldn't, about aliens and the rift, and what had really been going on. After everything, it felt like his family had a right to know what he'd brought to their doorstep, and why he was reluctant to go back to his old flat. Gwen and Rhys had returned home, but they were here every other day, checking in, and just generally taking comfort from being around one another. Just because Frobisher had committed suicide didn't mean the blank page for their executions had gone away entirely, even if it had been Torchwood that had ended up stopping the 456. In his experience, government and those in power had very short memories. Jack wasn't here to protect them now.

The more Ianto thought about their final moments together, the more it broke his heart. He'd been convinced this was the end of the line, and he'd made his goodbyes to Jack, making sure he knew that he'd been loved. Jack couldn't say the words, even then. Ianto hadn't thought it mattered at the time, but it did now. If he couldn't say them at the very end, then when would be the right time?

'Earth to Ianto?' Rhiannon said, waving a hand in front of his face.

'Huh?'

'I was asking you about Jack?'

'Oh. He's...' How to describe Jack? That smile and those eyes. Jack had a way of turning his brain into utterly infatuated mush. He often caught himself forgetting to breathe in Jack's presence, left feeling lightheaded when he finally left the room. He didn't want to tell his sister that, though. She'd already heard rumors about Jack's attractiveness. Film star attractive was a reasonable assessment on Tina's behalf. It seemed shallow to admit he found the man beautiful. That wasn't like him at all. He needed more than just a pretty face to cling to.

There was so much more to it than that, though. Jack had always been so big and bold, filling up an entire room with his personality. He was over the top sometimes, but that suited him. He could be utterly disarming with that smile and a few flattering words. Sometimes it made Ianto want to laugh out loud as his ostentatious behaviour and crass jokes. He had a story or something laced with sexually charged innuendo for every occasion, and Ianto loved their banter, however much it drove their teammates crazy.

Despite the show he often put on for the benefit of others, Jack was highly intelligent. He knew more than all the rest of them all put together about the universe and how it worked. Whilst he might claim to fumble with the menu options on his phone, he could hack into NASA and program a satellite if the need arose.

He was also incredibly compassionate and caring, and was forever there with a soothing touch or a consoling hug. That warmth was so precious to him whenever his felt like the world was collapsing in on him. It might not always look like it from the outside, but Jack cared very deeply and became melancholy when he couldn't fix things.

There was another side to Jack as well, which Ianto knew all too well. It was the dark, brooding side. The part of Jack that had once done terrible things, and was still capable of doing, given the right circumstances. He was a battle hardened soldier, for want of a better way to describe it.  A little like now, Ianto guessed, recalling that awful moment when Agent Johnson had revealed to him what had happened and what Jack had done.

He sucked in a deep breath and met his sister's gaze. 'Jack isn't from around here. I mean, not this planet.' It was easier to explain that Jack wasn't quite like them, than it was to detail all of his personal qualities.

Rhiannon looked slightly shocked. 'You mean he's alien?'

'Human, basically,' Ianto clarified, not wanting to alarm his sister. 'He's from three thousand years in the future, when humans have colonised huge parts of the universe.'

Rhiannon frowned at him. 'But how? How can you be from the future?'

'Doesn't matter,' he said cutting her off. 'Something happened to him a long time ago that made him unable to die. He's going to live forever, Rhi. All of us, we're just blips in time to him.' One night stands, one year flings, he mentally added. He hadn't seen it before, but now it became blindingly obvious. Jack wasn't like them, and never would be. Trying to love someone like that and think it was ever going to work out was madness. He supposed he'd just assumed his death would end things for them, as it nearly had. In some ways, perhaps that's exactly what had happened. 'That's why I haven't said anything. I didn't want you to get your hopes up.'

'You think he hasn't come back because he doesn't care?'

Ianto sighed. Without having said much, his sister had hit the nail on the head. 'Maybe. Probably.' He couldn't even begin to describe how much that hurt. Would Jack come back,  even if he knew Ianto was still alive, or would the memories of what had happened be enough to convince him that it had all been a huge mistake in the first place. He and Gwen were struggling to keep Torchwood going, both of them partly wishing it would all just go away on its own and leave them to go on with their lives. Neither of them had said as much, but he was sure Gwen held the same thoughts as he did. It was different for her now, too. She was expecting a baby. Jack had promised they'd manage without her, but now Jack was gone.  

Rhiannon rested a hand on his knee, sensing his deep-seated concern. 'Well, I know you, Ianto. He must've been pretty special to earn your affections. You're not exactly easy-going when it comes to picking Mister Right. In fact, you're a bloody fuss pot. He'd be mad if he threw all of that away, even if I think you're completely daft. Just you keep on trying to call him. I'm sure once he knows you're okay, everything will sort itself out.' She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, before taking her tea with her and leaving.

Ianto blew out a breath and leaned forward on his elbows, staring at the pay as you go phone she'd bought him for keeping in touch with Gwen. He hadn't tried calling Jack on it. It didn't feel right. Telling someone you weren't dead really needed to be done in person. Still, it didn't make him want to call any less. Even though he'd made his goodbyes, he suddenly had so much more he wanted to say.

Orignial 500 word version here