Torchwood: Fanfic: Undercover escort

[m_findlow]

Title: Undercover escort
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Torchwood team
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,693 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "any, any, the one with the undercover escort" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto goes undercover to apprehend an unusual alien

Ianto wasn't sure whether he should feel flattered or not. Undercover work wasn't usually in his remit at Torchwood, but they were short-handed with Owen off with a nasty case of the flu. Jack had already made himself known to their quarry, so he was out of the mix as well. And as they needed a male, that left only one option.

Ianto had been sent home to get ready. Already armed with his earpiece and the i-five contact lenses, Jack couldn't help but fill in time while he was stuck at the hub monitoring.

'Would you stop fussing with your hair?'

Ianto bolted upright from his position in front of his bathroom mirror. He'd already forgotten that Jack and Tosh could see everything he saw, and was slightly embarrassed at being caught out in an act of vanity. It really wasn't his style.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing it would be caught on camera, as it were.

'Well, since you're watching. Red shirt or black?'

'Turn around and look back at the mirror,' came the instruction.

Ianto complied.

'Yep, definitely the red. And your arse looks great in those jeans.'

'Har har.' If he'd known Tosh hadn't also been watching he might have played up to the remark. 'Remind me again how I'm meant to get her attention?'

'Just be your sexy self. Works for me. Besides, you don't have to. We've hired you out for the night. She's paying for your company, remember?'

Ianto sighed visibly. Owen was going to owe him big time. Owen would have been in his element. Ianto on the other hand, felt he was well out of the dating game, and making casual conversation had never been his strong point. How he'd ever picked up Lisa was still beyond him.

One last look in the mirror, and a smiley face appearing in his vision, likely Tosh, before he grabbed his car keys and headed out.

When Ianto arrived at the casino, he was more nervous than he'd been before. Worse still was that despite trying hard to focus his sight in front of him, so that the others could see what he saw, his nervousness manifested in other ways that Jack picked up on.

'Just relax.'

When had he become so damned perceptive?

'Easy for you to say. You're not about to spend the entire evening with an alien suspected of eating her victims.'

'Well we think she has sex with them first, then eats them.'

'Encouraging, thank you. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.'

'Don't worry, she hasn't paid for the full service tonight. And Gwen's going to be there to back you up if things get ugly.'

Just as Jack said that, he spotted Gwen sitting in a nearby bucket chair, sipping on a drink. She gave him the briefest of smiles, and somehow that calmed him.

He quickly spotted his own quarry perched at the bar. Joanna Sharplin. At least that's the name she was going by. If she wasn't an alien and a serial killer, she'd be considered very attractive. Long dark hair and a short red dress, black pump heels and several gold bracelets of the type that would jangle as the slightest movement.

'Owen is so gonna hate you for this one,' Jack's words buzzed in his ear.

'He can have her,' came the blunt reply.

'Are you kidding? She is way outta his league!' Ianto didn't mention that he thought she was way out of his league as well.

'Doesn't seem the type to need an escort. Pretty sure she could pick up just about any bloke here.'

'Not her MO. She's been very particular so far. Only after guys with a background in science. Figure she must be after something specific.'

'Not sure biology A levels is quite what she's after.'

'We'll talk you through it,' assured Tosh.

He approached the bar. 'Joanna?'

She turned and smiled at him. 'Oh hello, you must be Ianto. Pleasure to meet you.'

'Likewise,' he replied, indicating to the barman to freshen her drink.

'Moscow mule,' she instructed the barman.

'Club soda,' Ianto added.

'Not drinking?' she asked.

'I'm on duty,' he replied before realising what he'd said and mentally kicking himself.

'Yes you are,' she agreed coyly, 'but I'm not that hard a taskmaster. Another mule,' she ordered.

Once they had their drinks they made themselves comfortable at the bar.

'So, I understand from your profile that you work in quantum computing.'

'Yes, but it's not really that exciting.'

'Oh, I'm sure it is,' she purred, placing her hand on his knee and sliding it up his leg. He tried not to look down at his lap but despite that he could sense Jack bristling at the other end of the camera. Well you put me in this mess, Ianto thought to himself. He tried not to blush at her obvious attentions, but must have failed.

'Aren't you a shy one!' she said.

'Still a bit new,' he confessed. Christ! A bit new was an understatement!

'Well, why don't we finish these up and you can come back to my room. It's a bit more private and you can tell me all about your exciting work.'

'You're sure you don't want to play the tables?'

'I'm not much of a gambler. I like to make my own luck.'

He had his way in now. The plan was to get her alone and find out what she was after and why.

Her hotel room was very plush and inviting. It must have been one of their most expensive suites. Five minutes after they arrived, she had champagne delivered. Ianto worked on getting the bottle open while she kicked off her heels.

'So tell me more about what you do.'

'You seem very interested,' he mused.

'My brother was a computer engineer, it was practically all he ever talked about. Something was bound to stick!'

He smiled and passed her a glass, before they settled themselves on the suede lounge suite.

'So now that we're comfy, quantum computing?'

Ianto heard Tosh in his ear and listened intently, making sure he repeated everything she said exactly right.

'Integer factorization, underpins the security of public key cryptographic systems. Normal computers can't crack these keys is because it's computationally infeasible with an ordinary computer for large integers if they are the product of three hundred digit prime numbers. By comparison, a quantum computer could efficiently solve this using Shor's algorithm to find its factors, allowing a quantum computer to decrypt many of the cryptographic systems in use today.' Dear God, had he really just said that? How the heck did Tosh even know what that meant?

'So is any of this actually real?'

'Publicly it's all still theory. In actual fact we have developed some prototypes that are already capable of decrypting 512 bit systems. We're quite literally at the very frontier of the technology.'

'What about quantum decoherence?' she asked seriously.

'You are full of surprises,' he laughed. 'Transverse relaxation time issues are a thing of the past.'

'That's incredible! Where was it you said you worked again?'

'Black Cloud Technologies, based right here in Cardiff.' He opened his wallet and produced a business card, making sure she saw the security pass clearly wedged in behind it.

She took the card, examining it for a moment before slipping it into the front of her dress.

'Perhaps that's enough tech talk for now,' she said, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. He closed his eyes and let her kiss him, kissing back just enough not to give himself away. Even though his eyes were closed, he could still see the text displayed by the i-five lenses. First there was "xxx???". He didn't open his eyes, feeling her arms slinking around his waist and gently prising his wallet from his back pocket. She wasn't much of a pickpocket, he thought, knowing most of the kids on the estate would have done a better job, but he let her pretend he was completely distracted by her kissing. Another message popped up in his line of vision that read "hands off, missy" so Ianto knew Jack was using the direct voice input. She broke off their kiss and started on his neck, nibbling at it.

That's when it all started to go wrong. Suddenly her nail bit into his neck and he felt his body going limp, slumping back against the couch. He made sure to keep his eyes firmly fixed on her, hoping she would say something that would give away to Jack and Tosh that he was in trouble.

'I know they say third time's a charm, but you were number six. But now I finally know where to find the technology capable of decrypting the cypher that's preventing my ship from disabling every digital device on this planet. It'll be a shame to have to kill you because you seem very clever, but I'm sure you'll also be very, very tasty.'

At that moment Gwen burst through the door, gun raised, shooting to disable. The woman crumpled to the ground, bleeding heavily. Gwen quickly cuffed her ankles and wrists.

'Ianto! Ianto, sweetheart are you okay?'

By the time Gwen had subdued the woman, he could sense the tingling feeling returning to his limbs.

'She must have pinched a nerve point or something. I'll be fine.'

They stayed in the hotel room until Jack and Tosh arrived to pick up their new prisoner.

'Good work everyone,' Jack declared. 'Gwen, Tosh, take our guest back to the hub and have her locked up. It's late so we'll question her tomorrow.'

Ianto watched as Tosh and Gwen left, dragging their new charge out of the hotel via the service entrance.

'What about us?'

'Well, I figure since you're already dressed for a night out on the town, and we have this nice hotel room that's going to go to waste,' Jack replied, not finishing the sentence.

'It'll be five hundred pounds for the whole night. This is an escort service, not a charity.'

Jack grabbed him and kissed him.

'And worth every penny!'