Anythingdrabble Challenge 134 - You have been warned

[m_findlow]

Title: You have been warned
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Gwen, Owen, Tosh, Ianto, John Hart
Word Count: 500 words
Rating: M (language)
Notes: Written for Challenge 134 - Four at anythingdrabble
Summary: John should know better than to ever step foot on planet Earth again.

John heard the unsubtle click of four guns being readied to shoot behind him. Automatics, minimal recoil, basic Earth weapons. His own gun didn't have a safety mechanism. He could've gotten off a shot before they'd even pulled the trigger. He turned slowly all the same. Earthlings were twitchy little things and their aim wasn't great. No sense risking his family jewels over a badly placed shot.

As soon as he saw his assailants he groaned. Torchwood. 'Great,' he muttered, 'it's the four horsemen of the anti-apocalypse.'

'Hands up where we can see them,' Gwen ordered

'Only my hands? Jack would've asked for more than that.' He took in the sight of them. Gwen, Eye Candy, Sexy Scientist and the Doctor. 'Weren't you two dead last time we met?'

Owen adjusted the grip on his gun, keeping it firmly trained on John's head. 'Yeah, well we're shit at staying dead, but one thing we're not shit at is taking down scumbags like you.'

'My we're cocky!' John teased. 'You're not like Jack now, are you? Sweet goddesses.' He looked around. 'Where is lover boy, anyway?'

'Avoiding wasting time on lowlifes like you,' Ianto replied.

'Still with the tough guy talk, huh? You could do with a few pointers. Hasn't Jack taught you anything?'

'I'd ask what you're doing here but we don't care,' Gwen interrupted, before John and Ianto could get into a tete-a-tete over Jack. 'All we want is for you to be gone. Right now. Drop the jewels and leave and I promise we won't shoot you.'

'Much,' Owen added.

'Come on, guys! I was a little hard up for cash and Earth just happens to be a really convenient, easy to break into, cash point. Nobody's gonna miss a few gems. Isn't that what insurance is for?'

'You've got twenty seconds'

'Or what?' John said, growing annoyed. 'What's the Scooby-Doo society going to do if I don't?'

'You really don't want to find out,' Gwen warned him.

'Maybe I do.' John grabbed a handful of heavy diamond necklaces and shoved them in his jacket. He flipped open his wrist strap and gave a coy grin. 'Bye!'

Nothing happened.

'Wait, what?' He keyed it again but the vortex refused to engage.

'Told you that was a bad move,' Ianto said.

'What did you do?'

Tosh held up her PDA and smiled smugly. 'Been doing a lot of work on those since coming back. I can't fix Jack's so it works, but we now know all about how to nullify the effects of one.'

'You can't!'

'Course she can,' Owen said. 'Cause she's fucking brilliant. Unlike you. Cuff him, Ianto.'

'With pleasure,' he said, quickly disarming John and strapping the laser cuffs around his wrist. 'You wanted to see Uncle Jack? Now you'll get front row tickets. By the way,' he said, turning to the team  'I was thinking "Awesome Foursome"?'

Owen shook his head. 'Never gonna catch on mate.'

John struggled against the cuffs. 'I hate you guys!'