Fffc Bingo Card - Out of ideas

[m_findlow]

Title: Out of ideas 
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none 
Author notes: Written for Bingo Card Prompt 56 - Garden at fffc
Summary: Jack is stuck for ideas for his Kris Kringle. 

Jack could have honestly admitted he'd wasted literally hours of time surfing the internet. Ianto was going to kill him when he discovered that Jack had not returned any of the phone calls from a mounting pile of post it notes being left on his desk, had not opened a single file that needed to be signed off before the end of the week, and he didn't even want to imagine what his unread email tally was currently showing. It was genuinely appalling that he'd let so much of his urgent work go completely unattended. If he wasn't the boss, he was sure someone would have fired him by now. He knew he would if he caught anyone being so utterly delinquent in their duties, and he wasn't even a hard taskmaster by rights. 

‘I see you haven't made a whole lot of progress,’ Ianto observed as he walked in. Jack felt so ashamed at the comment that he half wondered at what point Ianto had become the boss of him, and more to the point why he'd ever let that happen. 

Ianto pawed through the sheaf of notes on the desk, having used different colours for different levels of urgency. Even the hot pink ones remained untouched. ‘Did you make any progress at all?’ 

‘No! I've made absolutely zero headway on anything! In fact I could swear I've gone backwards.’ He leaned over and bowed his head on the desk in the ultimate show of defeat. 

‘A bit dramatic, don't you think?’ Ianto said, settling into the chair opposite him. ‘Phone calls and files are not going to end the planet. At least I hope not. I expect it will be something far more scary, large teeth, big claws, no appreciation for dry wit…’ 

Jack groaned into the polished woodwork and leather blotter. 

Ianto gave a little sigh at his lover's histrionics. ‘Seriously, what's got you in such a rut?’ 

Jack looked up, eyes suddenly wild with desperation. ‘It's this whole Christmas kris kringle business! I've spent all day trying to come up with ideas for what to buy Tosh and I can't find a single thing.’ 

‘And here I was thinking it was something serious. By the way, you're not supposed to tell people who you are kris kringle for. That's kind of the point of it. Plus it means that the odds Owen is going to buy me something really rubbish have just increased now that you're out of the mix.’ 

On any other occasion Jack might have laughed at the idea of Owen buying something rubbish on purpose, but he wasn't feeling very Christmas spirited right now. 

Ianto leaned forward and rested a hand on Jack's arm. ‘You really can't think of anything? Nothing at all?’ 

‘You told me the golden rule is to never buy a lady clothes, shoes, perfume, handbags or jewelry.’ Ianto had explained all of the very good reasons for those, never wanting to suggest a woman was fatter than she was, had bigger feet, smelled like her least favourite aunt, carried too much stuff... He couldn't remember the reason for the no jewelry rule. Probably something to do with not wanting to make them think they were more than just friends. 

‘Tosh is surely not that hard to buy for. I can't think of anyone who would be less likely to look down their nose at whatever you bought.’ 

‘That’s kind of the point, Ianto. I don't just want to buy her any old thing. I want to get her something she'll really like.’ 

‘Well, it shouldn't be that hard to find something.’ 

Jack felt the first glimmers of hopeful relief. ‘You mean you'll go buy her something for me?’ Ianto smiled back and Jack's heart sank. He knew that smile all too well. That was Ianto's "did you really think I was going to just hand the solution to you on a silver platter so that you don't have to lift a finger?" look. Jack groaned again. ‘Great, so you're not going to help me.’ 

‘I never said that. I just think maybe I'll make you work for the answer. I mean, not that there's only one answer by any stretch, but I did have something in mind if I ended up with Tosh.’ He crossed one leg over the other and eased back in the chair. ‘So, what does Tosh like to do when she's not slaving away fourteen hours a day here?’ 

Jack faltered. ‘Um... Read Manga comics?’ 

Ianto rolled his eyes. ‘C'mon, Jack. Be serious. You wanted my help, didn't you?’ 

‘Okay.’ Now he would focus. Outside of work, what did Tosh like? He was pretty sure square dancing lessons weren't the answer. 

‘Something that Tosh might do more of if she wasn't here late every night,’ Ianto offered. 

‘Fabulous sex with hunky strangers?’ 

‘Jack!’ 

He threw his hands up. ‘Or girls! I don't judge!’ 

‘Think!’ Ianto was getting annoyed with him now so he decided not to push his luck further. 

Suddenly it hit him. ‘Cook! She'd have more time to cook! I could buy an air fryer!’ 

Ianto smiled placatingly. ‘Let's try something a little less complicated. What do all good recipes need that's best if it's fresh?’ 

‘Er... herbs?’ 

‘Very good.’ Jack ignored how condescending that was. Right now he was desperate enough to let it slide. 

‘And what's the best way to make sure you always have fresh herbs on hand?’ 

‘A herb garden?’ 

Ianto nodded. ‘So, why don't you go down to the local nursery and buy one of those little planter pot sets that she could put on her kitchen window sill to grow some nice little herbs?’ 

It couldn't be understated just how much of a genius Ianto was. That was perfect, and Tosh loves little indoor plants. Having a row of herbs to look after would be therapeutic and tasty. Jack beamed, reaching across the desk. ‘I think I love you.’ 

Ianto snorted. ‘I think I already knew that.’