Fandomweekly Challenge 82 - The anxious wait

[m_findlow]

Title: The anxious wait
Fandom: Torchwood
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG. Contains M-preg.
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 82 - Countdown at fandomweekly
Summary: Jack is growing ever more anxious as the big day looms closer.

Adverts rolled across the television screen and their bright colours and loud music broke Jack's concentration from where he'd been staring mindlessly at the screen. He turned his head to find Ianto's head pressed against his upper arm, eyes closed and not even watching the television. He might have been asleep or just closing his eyes in a semi-meditative state.

Life had become a series of activities interspersed with little naps. It was rare that Ianto got a full night's sleep these days. Partly it was that he claimed he couldn't stay in one spot for more than an hour without becoming uncomfortable. Moreover it was probably the fact that he had three lives inside him, each of which liked to constantly remind him they were there by moving around or giving little kicks. Jack supposed if he'd been squished inside someone's stomach, sharing it with his two other siblings, he'd probably be a little restless and attention seeking too. He quite liked the idea that they were always announcing their presence. He'd rest a hand or a cheek on Ianto's belly and wait for it, feeling every little movement, and then rubbing his hand over the spot. It said, yes, Daddy knows you're there and loves you. You just keep on kicking so I know you're okay. He couldn't wait for the day when he could do more than just try to translate his feelings through Ianto's skin.

That was the brilliance of alien technology. It could tell them the exact date that their miracle had happened but it still couldn't tell them what date they might arrive. Some things it seemed were still in the hands of the gods. It didn't stop Jack from crossing off the days one by one and watching as they strode ever onwards to that inevitable date when their lives would permanently change forever.

He'd fathered children but he'd never really been a father to any of them. It was the kind of thing he regretted in those rare quiet moments when it crept up on him, spurred by some event that reminded him that he'd been here before and failed miserably. He didn't want to repeat history again but he could never be truly certain that he wouldn't disappoint. He'd disappointed people time and time again. All the same, this felt different. Unplanned, yes, but it was almost as if his whole life he'd been gearing up for this moment, his failings a practice run for when the time came to finally commit to raising the loving family he knew deep down he'd always wanted.

A particularly obnoxious Tesco jingle disturbed that peaceful state and Ianto squirmed against Jack, trying to find a new position of comfort. 'How many times have they played that ad tonight?' he asked. 'Feels like a hundred.'

That answered Jack's question about whether he'd been asleep or not. Annoying jingles felt like the least of their worries. He slid his arm around Ianto's shoulder and ran his fingers up and down his arm, whilst watching the slow rise and fall of his belly. It was so large now he couldn't fathom how Ianto hadn't popped yet. He'd always been so slender, and still was, excepting his ballooning torso.

'Are you nervous?' Jack asked.

Ianto snorted. 'You're asking me this now? Isn't it a little late for that?' He rested a hand on the swell of his belly as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It suited him, Jack had to admit. More than Ianto had ever expected it too, no doubt. He was remarkably calm on the outside and Jack couldn't help but wonder if that was just clever subterfuge. It was true there was precious little either of them could do to stop it now, failing some terrible calamity in which they ended up losing their babies.

Jack was a total wreck some days. There was just no getting over the fact that his husband wanted to continue working as much as he could. He had a lot of responsibility, overseeing the entirety of Torchwood's global operations, but there was only so much he could do between bouts of regular and debilitating weariness. Pregnancy wasn't always easy, as Gwen had reminded Jack. It was even harder, he'd told her, when your body isn't naturally designed for it, and your genes are having to rewrite whole parts of your physical anatomy to make it possible. All of that took energy.

It was less the tiring nature of it than it was the inherent danger Torchwood presented. Even a quiet day could devolve into a deadly situation, even in the relative safety of the hub. Ianto was an expert at putting his own needs beneath those of everybody else, and that seemed to occasionally extend to a lapse in memory that he wasn't just sacrificing his own needs anymore. Jack would feel much happier once he knew that his children weren't anywhere near Torchwood. For now though, he couldn't separate them from Ianto any more than he could separate Ianto from his sense of duty. There didn't appear to be a right or wrong way of doing this. All Jack could do was go along with it and be supportive as best he could.

'I just want to be sure you're okay,' Jack said, curling himself around his husband as much as possible.

'Right now I'm fine,' he replied. 'They don't cry or need feeding or changing, and I'm not terrified that I'm doing everything wrong. If it weren't for the ache in my lower back and not being able to sleep on my right side, I'd say they can stay in there forever.'

Jack chuckled. 'Yes, but then you'd never get to hear them giggle or see them smile, or have them wrap their tiny little hands around your finger as you cuddle them and call you Dadda.'

'True. I guess that's what makes all the waiting worthwhile. Not long to go now.'