![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
m_findlowTitle: Change is as good as a holiday
Fandom: Torchwood
‘What a great place for a vacation,’ Jack said, stepping through the aircraft doorway out into the sunlight.
Ianto half expected him to be decked out in shorts and t-shirt, but Jack had stuck to his traditional nineteen forties wardrobe. Small wonder he wasn’t baking inside that coat. Ianto could already feel the hot air wafting backwards into the cabin, hitting him full in the face as Jack descended the stairs.
Jack took the steps two at a time to reach the tarmac. By the time Ianto caught up with him, the heat reflecting off the blacktop was already adding to the sweaty sensation around his collar. Like Jack, he’d stuck to his usual garb, but was already contemplating the most dignified way of divesting his jacket and tie without appearing to be struggling with the heat.
He sighed vexatiously. ‘Not a holiday,’ he reminded himself, trudging after Jack as he skipped through the terminal and out the other side. It wasn’t much of a terminal – more just a front separating the terribly short tarmac from the beach on the opposite side. Perhaps on another day, he might enjoy it, but just because Jack was already in cocktail hour mode didn’t mean he had to go along with it.
‘Gwen Cooper!’ Jack exclaimed, rushing to wrap her up in his biggest, friendliest bear hug. ‘Couldn’t go two weeks without seeing us.’
‘Aye, on our bloody anniversary holiday and everything,’ Rhys moped, looking disappointed that he now had two far more handsome men competing for Gwen's attention.
‘If you’d mentioned it earlier, we could have joined you,’ Jack said. ‘Made it a little double date getaway.’
‘We really wouldn’t have,’ Ianto assured them. Every couple deserved their alone time, even Torchwood couples.
Jack cast a glance around at the swaying palms and the glittering ocean. ‘So, what seems to be the problem?’
‘Well,’ Gwen began, ‘it was a slight problem, and since I called you, it has become a very big problem.’
‘Ooh, hear that Ianto? A big problem!’ Why did he always have to sound so excited about it?
‘Yeah, come on,’ Gwen said, grabbing Jack by the arm of his coat. ‘Just a short tuk-tuk drive round to the other side of the island.’
When the tuk-tuk pulled up along the shabby boardwalk, neither of them had to ask Gwen to point out the problem.
‘Oh my,’ Ianto said, seeing the problem Gwen had so aptly described. ‘That is no beached porpoise,’ he said referring to the thing that had to be closer to a small blue whale, now lying there on the sandy shores.
‘Do you think it did that on porpoise?’ Jack replied, receiving a withering glare from Ianto for the terrible play on words. ‘Yeah, okay, that was bad, even for me.’ He squinted, holding up a hand to shield his eyes from the worst of the sun’s glare reflecting off the wet back of the creature. ‘Well, it hasn’t been there long enough to dry out at least. And, judging by the tentacles, I'd say it was related to the Snarfaxial.’
‘What the hell is one of those?’ Rhys asked.
‘Giant space squid.’
Rhys frowned at the explanation, even if it looked plausible. ‘You an expert on those, are you?’
Ianto rolled his eyes at Rhys. ‘When it comes to tentacles, Jack is sadly far better versed than any of us would like him to be.’
‘Hey, don't knock it ‘til you've tried it. A little large for my tastes but…’
‘I can't imagine anything being too big for you,’ Ianto quipped.
’Can we get back on topic, please?’ Gwen said, sighing tiredly at their occasionally drawn out banter.
‘Yup,’ Ianto agreed. ‘Giant beached squid. Even the local chippie is going to struggle making that much calamari.’
‘Let's hope it doesn't come to that,’ Jack said. ‘We make sure it isn't distressed, tow it back out to sea, and then the first round of pineapple granitas is on me.’
‘It’s a giant bloody space squid,’ Rhys exclaimed. ‘How exactly do you plan on covering that up?’
Jack gave him a serious look. ‘We don’t. I mean, retcon just never works as well in pina coladas as we’d like. Besides, it's nothing more than a publicity stunt gone wrong.’
‘Yep, the marketing team is definitely getting fired on Monday,’ Ianto agreed. ‘Terrible execution. Just think of the environmental flack they'll get for this.’
‘But how?’ Rhys asked more insistently.
Jack reached a hand out behind him. ‘Ianto? You packed the anti-gravity clamps?’
Ianto dipped his hand into his satchel, having carted the only luggage between them. ‘Of course. Standard issue kit these days.’
‘Shall we?’
‘I'm going to get sand in my shoes,’ Ianto muttered.
‘Told you to wear flip flops,’ was the only response he got as Jack marched down the beach, Gwen jogging after him. He gave Rhys the eye and the pair of them trailed after their respective other halves.
‘Right,' Jack announced, anti-gravity clamp in hand. ‘We just stick this here on the squid’s side and-’ He didn't get a chance to explain what came afterwards. The creature simply exploded, covering the beach, and them, in sticky grey excrement.
Ianto wiped it out of his eyes. ‘Well, that didn’t go according to plan. Do Snarfaxials usually explode when you try to move them?’
‘Okay, so maybe I was a little off on my cephalopodology.’
‘Not sure that’s a word, but okay.’ Ianto sighed. ‘The environmentalists really are going to have a field day now.’
Jack shrugged as if exploding squids were a normal occurrence. ‘It's organic matter.’
‘Alien organic matter, Gwen reminded him.
‘Come low tide tomorrow you'll never know it’s been here. Now, since we're here, and our flight back isn't until tomorrow afternoon, what's say you show us where they serve the best sangria with a view of the water. Maybe some late night skinny dipping.’ He smirked at Ianto. ‘And you say I never let you have a holiday.’
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Gwen, Rhys
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG.
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: None
Author notes: Written for Challenge 158 - Vacation at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomweekly
fandomweeklySummary: No vacation would be complete without a little bit of Torchwood on the side.
‘What a great place for a vacation,’ Jack said, stepping through the aircraft doorway out into the sunlight.
Ianto half expected him to be decked out in shorts and t-shirt, but Jack had stuck to his traditional nineteen forties wardrobe. Small wonder he wasn’t baking inside that coat. Ianto could already feel the hot air wafting backwards into the cabin, hitting him full in the face as Jack descended the stairs.
Jack took the steps two at a time to reach the tarmac. By the time Ianto caught up with him, the heat reflecting off the blacktop was already adding to the sweaty sensation around his collar. Like Jack, he’d stuck to his usual garb, but was already contemplating the most dignified way of divesting his jacket and tie without appearing to be struggling with the heat.
He sighed vexatiously. ‘Not a holiday,’ he reminded himself, trudging after Jack as he skipped through the terminal and out the other side. It wasn’t much of a terminal – more just a front separating the terribly short tarmac from the beach on the opposite side. Perhaps on another day, he might enjoy it, but just because Jack was already in cocktail hour mode didn’t mean he had to go along with it.
‘Gwen Cooper!’ Jack exclaimed, rushing to wrap her up in his biggest, friendliest bear hug. ‘Couldn’t go two weeks without seeing us.’
‘Aye, on our bloody anniversary holiday and everything,’ Rhys moped, looking disappointed that he now had two far more handsome men competing for Gwen's attention.
‘If you’d mentioned it earlier, we could have joined you,’ Jack said. ‘Made it a little double date getaway.’
‘We really wouldn’t have,’ Ianto assured them. Every couple deserved their alone time, even Torchwood couples.
Jack cast a glance around at the swaying palms and the glittering ocean. ‘So, what seems to be the problem?’
‘Well,’ Gwen began, ‘it was a slight problem, and since I called you, it has become a very big problem.’
‘Ooh, hear that Ianto? A big problem!’ Why did he always have to sound so excited about it?
‘Yeah, come on,’ Gwen said, grabbing Jack by the arm of his coat. ‘Just a short tuk-tuk drive round to the other side of the island.’
When the tuk-tuk pulled up along the shabby boardwalk, neither of them had to ask Gwen to point out the problem.
‘Oh my,’ Ianto said, seeing the problem Gwen had so aptly described. ‘That is no beached porpoise,’ he said referring to the thing that had to be closer to a small blue whale, now lying there on the sandy shores.
‘Do you think it did that on porpoise?’ Jack replied, receiving a withering glare from Ianto for the terrible play on words. ‘Yeah, okay, that was bad, even for me.’ He squinted, holding up a hand to shield his eyes from the worst of the sun’s glare reflecting off the wet back of the creature. ‘Well, it hasn’t been there long enough to dry out at least. And, judging by the tentacles, I'd say it was related to the Snarfaxial.’
‘What the hell is one of those?’ Rhys asked.
‘Giant space squid.’
Rhys frowned at the explanation, even if it looked plausible. ‘You an expert on those, are you?’
Ianto rolled his eyes at Rhys. ‘When it comes to tentacles, Jack is sadly far better versed than any of us would like him to be.’
‘Hey, don't knock it ‘til you've tried it. A little large for my tastes but…’
‘I can't imagine anything being too big for you,’ Ianto quipped.
’Can we get back on topic, please?’ Gwen said, sighing tiredly at their occasionally drawn out banter.
‘Yup,’ Ianto agreed. ‘Giant beached squid. Even the local chippie is going to struggle making that much calamari.’
‘Let's hope it doesn't come to that,’ Jack said. ‘We make sure it isn't distressed, tow it back out to sea, and then the first round of pineapple granitas is on me.’
‘It’s a giant bloody space squid,’ Rhys exclaimed. ‘How exactly do you plan on covering that up?’
Jack gave him a serious look. ‘We don’t. I mean, retcon just never works as well in pina coladas as we’d like. Besides, it's nothing more than a publicity stunt gone wrong.’
‘Yep, the marketing team is definitely getting fired on Monday,’ Ianto agreed. ‘Terrible execution. Just think of the environmental flack they'll get for this.’
‘But how?’ Rhys asked more insistently.
Jack reached a hand out behind him. ‘Ianto? You packed the anti-gravity clamps?’
Ianto dipped his hand into his satchel, having carted the only luggage between them. ‘Of course. Standard issue kit these days.’
‘Shall we?’
‘I'm going to get sand in my shoes,’ Ianto muttered.
‘Told you to wear flip flops,’ was the only response he got as Jack marched down the beach, Gwen jogging after him. He gave Rhys the eye and the pair of them trailed after their respective other halves.
‘Right,' Jack announced, anti-gravity clamp in hand. ‘We just stick this here on the squid’s side and-’ He didn't get a chance to explain what came afterwards. The creature simply exploded, covering the beach, and them, in sticky grey excrement.
Ianto wiped it out of his eyes. ‘Well, that didn’t go according to plan. Do Snarfaxials usually explode when you try to move them?’
‘Okay, so maybe I was a little off on my cephalopodology.’
‘Not sure that’s a word, but okay.’ Ianto sighed. ‘The environmentalists really are going to have a field day now.’
Jack shrugged as if exploding squids were a normal occurrence. ‘It's organic matter.’
‘Alien organic matter, Gwen reminded him.
‘Come low tide tomorrow you'll never know it’s been here. Now, since we're here, and our flight back isn't until tomorrow afternoon, what's say you show us where they serve the best sangria with a view of the water. Maybe some late night skinny dipping.’ He smirked at Ianto. ‘And you say I never let you have a holiday.’
