Torchwood: Fanfic: Access denied

[m_findlow]

Title: Access denied
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 639 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "any, any, access denied" at fic_promptly
Summary: It turns out being a card carrying member of Torchwood doesn't get you in everywhere

Another date at night ruined,' Ianto grumbled as they pounded the pavement through the damp city streets.

'Do we have a reading on him?' Jack asked, ignoring the Welshman's complaints, and scouring the people wandering about late on a Saturday night, trying to spot their quarry.

'It's vague,' Ianto replied, scrutinising the scanner, 'a hundred yards perhaps?' He saw the late night revellers for himself. Their shape shifter could have been any one of them. Jack could sense the confusion in his stare.

'He was blonde. Slicked back hair, leather jacket.'

Ianto smirked. 'Trust you to have clocked his particulars.'

He grinned back in response. 'Should I mention his jeans were tighter than yours?'

'Only if you qualify it by confirming my arse is still better looking.'

'No competition,' Jack confirmed. 'Hands down winner. Now where is Mr One Direction?'

'Hang on,' Ianto said analysing the latest readings, 'getting a reading coming from two blocks away. Looks like he's headed into the nightclub district.'

They followed the signal to its source, down a darkened alleyway. A large neon image of a cat was affixed to the plain brick wall beside the door, partially blocked by the two heavy set men paired at the door itself.

'The Pink Pussy,' Jack read, waggling an eyebrow at Ianto.

'Charming name,' he replied, making sure his gun was carefully concealed in the back of his jeans by the dress shirt he was wearing. He'd been looking forward to Jack removing it later on. He made sure he also had the scanner tucked into his back pocket, where it would appear to be nothing more than an oversized mobile phone. Bouncers wouldn't take kindly to weapons or anything else that looked suspect.

'Evening,' he said politely, nodding slightly at the Eastern European who made to open the door and admit him. The second bouncer stepped between him and Jack, effectively blocking Jack's passage.

'Not you sunshine,' he said with his thick Northern accent, giving Jack the up and down look. 'Gay bar's round the corner off St Mary Street.'

'He's not gay,' Ianto interceded, surprised at how sincere he sounded.

'Gay, costume party, role play, whatever. He's not coming in here dressed like that.'

He was of course referring to Jack's traditional garb, including his ever faithful coat. Even on a night off, it was still his preferred choice, not that Ianto was complaining.

Jack let out a frustrated sigh. 'We're Torchwood and in your club right now is an alien shape shifter who's capable of killing a lot of people if he so chooses. So you're going to let us in.'

'I've got no problem with letting him in,' he said, pointing at Ianto. 'It's you who's not getting in.'

'I told you, I'm Torchwood. Captain Jack Harkness.'

'And I'm Shirley Bassey,' he laughed. His Eastern European friend laughed with him but seemingly didn't understand the reference. You're not coming in, so sod off.'

'If it's money you want, we can pay,' Ianto offered, already pulling out his wallet.

'This ain't a charity sweetheart, it's a club. You can either go in, or take Tom Cruise here, with you and go somewhere else.'

Ianto looked beseechingly at Jack.

'Go,' Jack instructed. 'Try and flush him out the back, I'll meet you there.'

Ianto reluctantly entered the club, leaving Jack outside.

'So, fellas,' Jack said, flashing them his best smile, 'now that he's out of earshot, perhaps we could come to some sort of arrangement?' He cocked his head to the side suggestively.

The looks on the faces of both doormen made it clear to Jack that no amount of sexual favours was about to grant him passage. Talk about a tough night. He'd just been relegated to second most attractive man in Cardiff. Ianto was never going to let him live this down.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Awww, poor Jack! He should set Coat on them for the insults to his chosen attire! Some people just have no taste. I hope Ianto can drive the shape-shifter out without coming to any harm himself.