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Torchwood: Fanfic: Self propelled
Title: Self propelled
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 669 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
badly_knitted's prompt "any, any, Sneezing while sitting on a wheeled chair" at fic_promptly
Summary: A runny nose and a wheeled chair are not a good combination
ACHOO!
The sound caused Gwen to jump involuntarily at her desk, caught by surprise.
ACHOO! ACHOO!
'Bloody hell,' she muttered, trying to concentrate on completing her report.
ACHOO!
'For Christ's sake! Ianto! What's going on in there?'
'Allergies,' he replied succinctly, putting down a fresh mug of coffee on her desk.
'Allergies?' she said incredulously. 'It sounds like he's sneezing up an entire lung.'
Ianto grinned and rolled his eyes. 'You know Jack. Never likes to do anything by halves.'
ACHOO! Jack sneezed again, but this time it was followed by a horrendous crash.
Ianto sighed and picked up the coffee tray. 'I'd better go and see what that was.' She gave him a sympathetic look that said she was glad he'd volunteered for the task.
'What on earth are you doing?' Ianto asked as he watched Jack pulling his chair forward towards the desk, resetting various objects to their upright position.
'Nothing.'
Ianto spied the sodden handkerchief on Jack's desk. He picked up a pair of tongs off his coffee tray, removing the damp rag, and passing Jack a fresh handkerchief. The used one was forced into a plastic snap lock bag with the tongs until such time as Ianto could properly dispense of it into a very strongly soaped laundry.
'Danks,' Jack sniffled, christening the new handkerchief with an almighty nose blow. HONK! Ianto scrunched his own nose distastefully. Jack looked like a clown with his red nose, but Ianto kept those thoughts to himself.
ACHOO! Jack sneezed again, the force of it sending his chair flying backwards and crashing into the wall behind.
'Well, now we know what that was all about,' Ianto muttered. 'Shall I take the castors off your chair before you create a new entrance to your office?'
'Jus' get rid of dat stupid cat!'
'No one has seen Pusska for days.' It had been Jack's crazy idea to inherit the frisky feline in the first place. 'We've searched the entire hub but she's nowhere to be found.'
'She's still here,' Jack confirmed. 'My coad is covered in her hair.'
'Which wouldn't be happening if you didn't leave it lying around. Here,' he said, grabbing the coat from where it was draped haphazardly over the spare sofa. 'I'll give it another brush down.'
'Dank you.' HONK!
'I don't know what you want us to do about your feline allergen. I've left out food and milk in several places but she's too clever to fall for it. She'd rather take her chances foraging for live food down in the basement. God only knows there's enough rats down there to keep her fed for months,' he said disdainfully.
'She's obviously coming back ub here at nighd.' ACHOO!
'What do you suggest? A stake out?'
'Dat or we're going to hab to move.'
'Fine. Stake out it is. Not that you'll be much good. One sniff and you'll scare her off before we can get close enough to catch her.'
'Dats why I'm da boss. I ged to look preddy and order udder people around.' ACHOO! HONK!
Ianto didn't bite to Jack's obviously laid bait. How much bloody cat hair had that little beast shed in here? He was going to have to vacuum again.
'Well, until then I'm off to pick up some lunch and another box of antihistamines for you.'
Jack frowned and looked petulant. 'I hade dose things. They make me all dopey and sleepy.'
Ianto quirked an eyebrow. 'Why do you think I'm buying them? A few hours peace from you and we all might get some work done.'
ACHOO! Jack flew back in his chair again, nearly whacking his head on the glass paneling behind him, and setting off another clattering amount of noise. Ianto caught the annoyed look from Gwen on the other side of the window.
'And get rid of that chair.' As he was leaving he stopped at the doorway and turned around. 'And before you think about it, super-gluing it to the floor is not an option.'
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Drugging the boss - another perk of Torchwood :)
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Poor Jack, I sympathise. I have periodic sneezing fits for no apparent reason, despite being permanently on strong antihistamines. Sneezing can be exhausting. I also have hayfever, I'm allergic to all pollen, so pre-antihistamines, back when I worked in the university library and had a really nice wheeled chair, this was me, with people in the library going "Shhhhh!" every time I sneezed. I cannot sneeze quietly or delicately. Unlike Jack I did, however, have the sense not to sit with my back to a wall. Ouch!
Thank you for this, it's hilarious!
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