Torchwood: Fanfic: Backseat driver

[m_findlow]

Title: Backseat driver
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Owen
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 631 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, date night is seldom without interruptions" at fic_promptly
Summary: A night off is unexpectedly ruined by an unlikely visitor

'Rift alert, Ianto!' Jack cried, looking far too excited for this late hour. Just once it would be nice if the rift would only operate during the day.

'What is it?' he said, stepping into Jack's office whilst Jack consulted the readings.

'Ho, ho!' Jack grinned, 'weevils! You know what that means!'

Ianto knew only too well what that meant. A breathless pursuit through the city streets, some terrifying altercations with seven foot tall monsters capable of tearing him limb from limb, followed by gloriously hot victory sex in the back of the SUV afterwards. Perhaps the night wouldn't be so bad after all.

As they rushed towards the SUV in the underground car park, Jack went through their checklist.

'Gun?'

'Check.'

'Weevil spray?'

'Check.'

'Hand clamps?'

'Check'

'Sedative?'

'Check.'

'Lube?'

Ianto grinned. 'Double check.'

'Right. We're ready to go!'

The SUV rolled through the streets, locking onto the location where it had dumped their weevil friends. Jumping out of the car, they didn't have to search far to find them, hearing the low growls issuing from the side alley. There the two weevils were picking their way through a dumpster, oblivious to the company.

'If you're after good Sichuan, I'd suggest Happy Harry's,' Jack said, gaining the attention of the first weevil, before hitting it directly in the face with the spray, sending it reeling. The second one turned, but Ianto had it covered, sneaking up from behind whilst its attention was on Jack. A few minutes later, both weevils were cuffed and sedated.

'That was almost too easy,' Jack said. 'Takes the fun out of it.'

'If every weevil capture was like that I wouldn't be complaining,' Ianto replied. He had more scars from weevil altercations than he could count.

They dragged the two unconscious weevils back to the car, loading them in the boot. Jack slammed it down and dusted off his hands in a satisfied way.

'Now that the hard part's over, what's say we get on with the rest?'

Jack slammed into Ianto, kissing him hard, as he backed the young man up against the side of the car, fumbling for the door handle so that he could shove Ianto backwards on to the back seat and have his way with him. Just as he finally got hold of the handle, pulling it open, there was an unexpected sound.

'Oi! Do that somewhere else will you? Can't a bloke get some sleep?'

Jack broke away from the kiss and looked past Ianto's shoulder.

'Owen?'

Ianto spun around in Jack's arms and saw their medic lying on the back seat of the car.

'How long have you been there?'

'Since you lot took off from the hub.'

Ianto looked stunned and confused. How had they not seen Owen lying in the back of the car?

'Better question,' Jack said, arms folded, 'why are you there?'

Owen looked sheepish. 'Had a row with the missus, didn't I? In the dog house with Tosh, and had nowhere else to kip. Didn't expect you lot to come out here and want to shag like horny teenagers.'

'We were capturing weevils,' Ianto retorted, annoyed by the insinuation, even if it was true.

'That what you're calling it these days?' Owen griped.

'A shame we don't have a hub full of beds you could've used,' Ianto muttered.

'You could've helped,' Jack said, annoyed by their unhelpful little stowaway, that had also ruined their little after party.

'If it was a three man job, you would've called. Now, can we go home, or what?'

Jack glared at him before leaving to open the driver side door. 'Fine, but next time, sleep in your own damn car. And you can help take the weevils down the the cells. Ianto and I have unfinished business.'