BTBD Challenge 67 - In the money

[m_findlow]

Title: In the money
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 985 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 67 - Money at beattheblackdog
Summary: Ianto is concerned over finances.

'Stop fretting,' Jack told him off for the umpteenth time.

'How can I?' Ianto argued. 'You're telling me to leave the planet without so much as a quid in my pocket. That's going to make me feel more than a little nervous.'

'You don't need money,' Jack assured him. 'You've got me.'

There was a time for making a quip about Jack being worth his weight in gold, but now wasn't it.

'What if I need to get a cab somewhere? Or at least the alien equivalent of one? Pretty sure they're not going to accept my Uber account details.'

'What part of "you don't need any money",' Jack said, making dramatic quotation fingers at Ianto, 'don't you get?'

'The part where we need to pay for things,' Ianto clarified.

Jack just shook his head. 'We're good. I've got plenty of credits.'

'Where?'

'All over. You live as long as I have, you learn to keep emergency stashes of money places in case you ever end up really screwed.'

'My point exactly,' Ianto replied. 'What if I end up really screwed? I can't exactly bank on you always being there. What if I get lost, or worse, you get lost, or arrested, abducted, held for ransom...'

'Ianto, Ianto, Ianto,' Jack said, grabbing him by the shoulders, unable to keep the smile off his face. 'Relax. Nothing bad is going to happen out there. Besides, you'll have this,' he said, handing him a small card.

'What's this? Black Amex?'

'Basically. You'll have instant access to any account I own anywhere in the universe. Consider me good for it.'

'Not sure how I feel about that,' he said, eyeing the card with suspicion.

'Hang on,' Jack said, folding his arms and frowning, 'two seconds ago, you were panicking about being skint, now you're complaining you've got my credit card?'

'I always had your credit card. And your pin. At least your Earth one, that is.' He frowned at the card. 'Does this make me a kept woman, er, man? Letting you pay for everything?'

A cheeky grin spread over Jack's face. 'You don't want to be kept?'

Now that was a loaded question, Ianto thought, keeping his smirk to himself. Jack could keep him forever. Best not to let Jack think too much of himself, though. His ego was big enough as it was. Ianto needed to have a little bit of dignity for himself.

'Can I at least transfer my savings onto this?' he asked, flipping the card over and examining it. No magnetic strip, no computer chip, no name or signature. Just a plain silver card. Talk about subtle. It could have been a key card for a hotel room, or credit for a public library photocopier.

'You can if you want, but I don't know why you'd bother. Drop in the ocean compared to what's already on there.'

Drop in the ocean? Ianto knew his own savings balance was substantial. Even with all the suits and shoes he went through, he couldn't spend that much danger pay in three lifetimes. Bloody hell, he thought, just how much credit was on there?

Jack seemed to sense the question on Ianto's mind. 'Even with interest, we'll never spend it at the rate it accrues. How good is that?'

'Don't tell HRM Revenue and Customs,' he joked. Jack's tax was a large enough bill with just his Earth bank accounts. Did worldwide earnings include universal earnings? Imagine if the UK treasury wanted a chunk of everything else? Jack's taxes could single handedly pay off the national debt, and fund the NHS. Forget Brexit.

'You, Ianto Jones, will never have to work another day in your life if you don't want to.'

Now that was a sobering thought. What would he do with himself? He'd always worked, and enjoyed it, for the most part. Forever was a long time. Could there really be that much to see and do? Surely at some point they'd want or need to find gainful employment. Jack didn't seem to think so, but for the sake of his own sanity, he might need to. An idle mind is the devil's workshop, so the saying went.

'So, we're about to set off traveling on the world's largest debit card?'

'Yep. No great whopping credit card bill at the end of this trip! We're booked in, paid up and ready to roll.'  

He felt nervous just holding it, quickly slipping it into his wallet before he lost it. He didn't want to think how much paperwork might be involved if he ever lost the card.

'I still don't like the idea of you paying for everything,' Ianto said, giving Jack a firm look.

'Fine. You cover the first hundred thousand credits and I'll look after the rest. How's that sound?'

Doing the math in his head, and multiplying out their projected annual spend by the number of years, infinite in their case, he still came up with a number that boggled the mind. It was literally infinite. Still, it seemed the best compromise he could come up with.

'Okay. So what's first on the list for our big adventure out into the universe?'

'Well,' Jack began, 'we're going to need a ship to get around in. Something spacious, but not too big, easy to maintain, and lots of bedrooms. I figure a hundred thousand credits ought to cover it.'

Ianto narrowed his eyes at Jack, somehow knowing he'd just been played. Well, if he was going to be Jack's paramour, and a man of luxury for the rest of eternity, he supposed he better start getting used to it. At least his initial contribution would be well spent. The rest he could set aside in savings. Like Jack said, you never knew when you might need some emergency cash to bail yourself, or your immortal lover, out of trouble. The universe was a big place.