Torchwood: Fanfic: Once bitten

[m_findlow]

Title: Once bitten
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 2,475 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for paceisthetrick's prompt "Any, any, creepy crawlies" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto gets a love bite of a different kind.

'Ianto!' Jack screamed, interrupting him in the middle of his perfect hospital corner. He sighed heavily. What now? He padded down the stairs to find Jack standing at the entrance to their kitchen, looking stricken.

'What is it?' he asked, feeling a moment of panic at Jack's expression.

'Spider. Toaster. Counter.' Jack said, pointing unhelpfully.

There was a small growl in the back of Ianto's throat. Only Jack could be reduced to single syllables by something as inane as a spider. Some hero.

'Fine. You go finish making the bed and I'll take care of the big bad spider.'

Jack didn't argue, quickly disappearing from view, leaving Ianto on pest collection duties. He stepped over to the counter, finding the creature tucked under their fruit bowl. Pathetic, he thought. It wasn't even that big. He fished a glass out of the cupboard and gently blew on the spider to get it moving out from under the bowl. It began to scurry along the bench where Ianto placed the glass carefully over the top, then guided it to the edge of the counter where he could slip his hand under the glass to contain it and walk it out to their backyard to release it. He didn't tell Jack that was what he did with them, else he'd never go out there. Jack worked on the assumption that Ianto made them disappear permanently, as if by some kind of magic, so he wasn't about to ruin that illusion. As far as Jack was concerned, the only good kind of spider was a dead one.

Jack was settling the pillows back on the bed when he heard the smashing sound downstairs. Forgetting the spider for a moment, he went down to see what was happening.

Ianto was halfway to the back door, stood in their semi-cluttered hallway, full of shoes and coats from the night before, surrounded by broken glass.

'What happened?'

'It bit me.'

'What, the spider?'

'Yeah. I was taking it outside and it bit me. I was so startled that I dropped the glass.'

'You didn't kill it?'

'Jack, there's really no need. It was probably more scared of you, than you it.'

'Says the guy who got bitten. Where is it now?'

'I don't know. It must have scurried off in the chaos.'

'Great,' Jack said, looking around warily. 'If you'd killed it, things would have been so much easier.'

Ianto sighed and instructed Jack to get the dust pan so that he could clean up the broken shards, hoping to find the critter at the same time, and stop Jack's histrionics.

Satisfied that the hall was now free of broken glass, he was annoyed not to find it. Jack would never let him live it down for letting it get away. Oh, well. It was bound to turn up eventually, assured that Jack would let him know if he found it - rather loudly, in all likelihood. Else it might find its own way back outside from whence it came. Here's hoping, he thought.

Ianto's morning was a busy one. Tuesdays always were. It was a good day for getting all those odd jobs out of the way: stocking up on supplies, picking up dry cleaning from the week before, paying council taxes, and as always, fetching food for the rest of the team. The hours just flew by as he dashed from one end of town to the other, and it was lunchtime before he knew it, quickly picking up a platter of fresh sandwiches and cakes to take back with him.

Arriving back at the hub, he set down the platter in the kitchen, until he could make some coffee to go with it, before taking the whole lot upstairs to the boardroom for the team to reconvene.

He tugged his jacket off, feeling hot. It was only now that he'd stopped running around that he realised his own exertion. Must be getting unfit, he thought, remembering the plate of danishes he'd bought to go with lunch. Should probably stop eating those. There was no way he was going to get away with not buying them for the rest of the team, but if he wasn't going to work hard enough to burn off the calories, he was probably better off to skip them altogether. That or maybe he should mention to Jack that their extra curricular activities weren't vigorous enough. Jack would be more than happy to help out on that front.

Letting the milk warm and mind drifting, he realised he still felt hot. He tugged at his tie, loosening it a little and rolled up his sleeves. It wasn't like him at all. Warm was one thing, but the tie stayed in place always. Maybe he was coming down with something. Perhaps Owen could just take a quick look before lunch. It was most likely nothing.

'Lunch ready yet?' Owen asked, looking up and seeing him at the the top of the steps to the autopsy bay.

'Almost. Just wanted you to check something for me.'

He was making his way down the steps and then the next thing he knew he was sitting on the steps about halfway down. Owen had caught the pale complexion on his face and had met him halfway before his knees had buckled underneath him, catching him as he lowered him to sit down. He saw Owen grab his wrist.

'Your pulse is racing, mate.'

'Yeah, wasn't feeling so clever.'

'You feel hot or cold?'

'Hot.'

'Okay. Any idea what it might be?'

'None.'

'Hey, where's lunch?' Jack called out, before spotting Owen crouched next to Ianto on the steps.

'What happened?'

'Teaboy was feeling faint. Cause as yet unknown.'

'I bet it was the spider,' Jack said, sounding certain.

'What spider?'

Ianto sighed, able to still manage dramatic. 'I saved Jack from the eight legged terror of Grangetown.'

'Correction, you lost the eight legged terror of Grangetown,' Jack said, reminding him.

'Technically, yes.'

'Where'd it bite you?' Owen asked, getting back to business.

Ianto showed him his hand and the tiny red spot that was hardly noticeable.

'Describe how it looked.'

'Huge, black, eight legs,' Jack offered.

'Hardly,' Ianto said, wiping the clammy feeling from his brow. 'It was tiny, more brown than black. No bigger than fifty pence.'

Owen frowned. 'Well, almost all spiders aren't deadly, especially not in Britain. A bit of discomfort around the bite area, nausea, that sort of thing.'

'Or,' Jack added dramatically, 'it might not be from Earth.'

'That's possible, is it?' Owen asked.

'Spiders aren't unique to Earth, unfortunately,' he explained. 'Could've arrived here, or somehow hitched a ride home with us, I guess,' he added, shuddering at the thought.

'Arachnids from space?' Ianto queried, feeling himself go from hot to cold and back again.

'Well, we're going to have to be sure,' Owen said. 'Which means you need to find it so we can analyse the venom and make sure that it's not harmful.'

Jack paled. 'You mean I have to go back there and look for it?'

'Well, unless it's going to get a guilty conscience and turn itself in, then yes.'

'But, but,' Jack stuttered.

'See what problems your cowardice caused?' Ianto muttered, leaning his head against the cool tiles.

'Man the fuck up, Harkness. I need to stay here to keep an eye on Teaboy, but take Gwen or Tosh with you if you're too chicken.'

'You're sure there's no other way?'

'None. Now get moving so I can look after my patient.'

Jack slunk away quietly, looking half torn between wanting to do everything possible to help Ianto, and wanting to run a million miles.

'He's a real keeper, that one,' Owen muttered, helping Ianto to his feet.

'He has his moments.'

Jack managed to collar Tosh and convince her to come and help him. Unlike Gwen, she wouldn't dare rag on him for being a little squeamish about creepy crawlies. Bad enough he was going to cop it from Owen until the end of days.

'You think we'll find it?' Jack asked, sounding uncertain. 'It could be anywhere.'

'Well, then it's lucky I brought this,' Tosh said, holding up the scanner device and smiling. 'Life signs detector.'

'I thought that only worked on large, warm-blooded beings?'

'It did, but I reconfigured it to be super sensitive for any signs of life. If there's anything crawling around your house, we'll be able to locate it.'

Jack let Tosh in the front door and she flipped the scanner on, immediately getting dozens of hits.

'You know they say you're never more than three feet away from a spider at any point in time?' Tosh mused.

Jack momentarily panicked, whipping his head around as if expecting one to be right behind him.

'They're not all spiders, are they?' Jack said, reviewing the swarm of dots on the screen, suddenly worried that their house had been invaded.

'Hard to tell,' Tosh replied. 'Could be. Otherwise they might be moths, silverfish, cockroaches, or other bugs.'

'Don't tell Ianto. He'd be horrified if he thought our house was full of pests.'

The first three signals they tracked down were dead ends. Two daddy long legs, which Jack was certain weren't their assailant, and the third was bizarrely a stick insect that had nestled itself in the corner of their living room window, basking in the pale sunshine.

The fourth signal took them into the laundry, and there, tucked under the clothes hamper, was a small brown creature, with eight spindly legs.

'Is that it?' Tosh asked.

'I think so,' Jack said, cringing at having to get close enough to identify it.

Tosh fetched a small box from the kitchen and managed to scoop the spider into it, before shutting the lid and slipping a rubber band around it.

'I'll drive, you babysit,' Jack ordered. 'And that thing stays in the back seat.'

Back at the hub, Ianto was lying peacefully on the sofa. He still felt a bit queasy and lightheaded, having thrown up just the once, much to Owen's displeasure, but he was otherwise okay. Lying down had helped but he still felt a bit flushed. Owen had him on an IV line just in case, arguing that he was dehydrated and that he should avoid moving to keep his heart rate down, preventing whatever it was from metabolising through his system any quicker than it already was.

He couldn't help but sit up when he heard the cogwheel door alarm go off, signalling the return of Jack and Tosh.

'Did you find it?'

'Yup.'

Jack came over and checked him over, running a hand through his hair. 'How are you?'

'Okay. Not dying, in any case. Or if I am, it's very slow.'

'Owen,' Jack ordered. 'I don't need to tell you that you don't work on anything else until you've figured out what it is and how to fix it.'

'And yet you still do,' Owen muttered, taking the small box from Tosh and disappearing downstairs with it.

'Anything we can get you?' Tosh offered.

'No, I'm good,' Ianto replied, grateful for the offer. Coffee would have been nice but he wasn't sure if he could keep it down. Even a weak tea was probably risky.

'I'll stay here in case you do need anything,' Jack said, sitting on the end of the coffee table.

'No, you won't,' Ianto said. 'You've got a call with the PM at one thirty, half yearly fiscal budgets to review, and there's that obnoxious Sarteen in Butetown that's complaining about the state of the accommodations we set him up in.'

Jack growled. None of those things sounded appealing, even on a good day .

'You're sure you'll be okay?'

'Owen will look after me just fine.'

Jack's afternoon turned out just as busy as Ianto had promised. Sometimes being the leader sucked. The PM didn't like talking to him, and Jack had no patience for observing the niceties and the platitudes, knowing that Frobisher was providing the PM with damning reports about Torchwood's activities regardless of what he said.

He dealt with the Sarteen next, already having a head full of steam after having gotten off the phone. Housing aliens who couldn't go home was just part of the job, but the least they could do was be grateful about it. The place wasn't that bad. In fact, Jack though it was quite alright. He should have, since he'd once owned it himself, living there, putting up with the linoleum floors and the laminate kitchen benches. It was dated for sure, but otherwise clean and livable, fitted with nice new crockery and fresh linens. It was no five star hotel, but when you had nothing, it should have felt like a palace.

Having to review their budgets was even less desirable. They had plenty of money for what they needed, yet Ianto still insisted that they account for it properly in case anyone should ever question it, or try to curb their spending. Even Jack had to admit he found the amount they spent on staff amenities quite alarming. Perhaps they needed to find a cheaper pizza place, because he certainly wasn't going to skimp on the quality of the coffee.

After two hours of staring at pages of numbers, he'd had enough and desperately needed coffee. As if by thought alone, the smell of coffee hit his nose and he looked up to find Ianto standing there, coffee in hand, with a plate of biscuits.

'Hey, you're feeling better!' Jack said, smiling at seeing his lover with a bit of colour back in his cheeks.

'Yep. Thought you might need this.'

'You're a lifesaver,' he said, clutching the stripey mug and slurping gratefully. 'Speaking of, Owen obviously found an antidote?'

Ianto cocked his head to the side. 'Sort of.'

'What do you mean? It was alien, right?'

'Nope. Just your plain, boring, everyday house spider. Turns out I had an allergic reaction to it. Owen gave me some antihistamines and it cleared up in no time.'

'Well, that's a relief,' Jack replied. 'I was worried we were going to have an invasion of deadly alien spiders.'

'Sorry to disappoint. Just a garden variety pack of creepy crawlies cohabitating with us.'

'I'd rather not think about it,' Jack said, shuddering .

'Don't worry. I'll still be there to save you. I'll just have to learn to be more careful about how I capture and release so I don't get bitten again.'

'Or you could just kill them,' Jack replied bluntly.

'That's inhumane. You'd never hurt an alien for minding its own business. Who's to say spiders are any different?'

'They just are,' Jack sulked, crossing his arms and looking petulant. 'Plus, no one bites my fiancé and gets away with it.'

Ianto just smiled. 'My hero.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

Poor Ianto, allergic to spider venom. I don't take chances, I use plastic milk containers with screw tops for catching the eight legged menaces, and keep the lids on until I can safely deposit the intruders outside again.

The stick insect reminds me of when mum cleaned out mine and left some eggs on the windowsill by mistake. Next thing we knew, there were baby stick insects everywhere!