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Torchwood: Fanfic: Dude looks like a lady
Title: Dude looks like a lady
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen, Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 564 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Any, any," What can I say? I like lace."" at fic_promptly
Summary: Gwen figured this year's Halloween theme was a safe bet
Gwen stared at the reflection in the mirror that confronted them and sighed.
‘Sometimes I don’t know how you put up with him, Ianto.’
He rolled his eyes at her. ‘It’s one of those great unanswered questions,’ he replied. ‘It sits somewhere between “how did we get here?” and “what is the purpose of existence?”.’
‘You’re a bloody saint, that’s all I can say,’ she said. ‘If it was me, I’d never let him get away with that.’
‘Neither would I in most cases, but I suppose on a night like tonight, I have to give him his little….eccentricities. Telling Jack he can’t get dressed up on Halloween would be like telling a five year old that Santa doesn’t exist, chocolate is banned forever and that they can’t watch cartoons ever again.’
‘Still…’ she replied. ‘I mean, our costumes aren’t that bad, are they?’
‘Of course not.’
She admired the way that her pirate costume somehow managed to flatter every curve, and the boots were pretty good too. She wondered if there was a way to find out where they sourced them so that she could buy a pair for everyday use. They were just so comfy!
‘You know, I think you make quite a dashing pirate, Ianto.’
‘Thank you. I wasn’t entirely sold on it when you suggested the theme, but I’m quite getting used to carrying a sword around. It could come in handy,’ he said, pulling it out of its plastic sheath and brandishing it about.
‘There’s only one sword I’m interested in you wielding, Ianto!’ Jack cried as he sauntered out to meet them.
‘And so begins the tragically long night of innuendo,’ Ianto sighed.
‘So, how do I look?’ Jack asked them, twirling around so that they could get a good view from all angles. Not that he thought there was anything wrong. As far as he was concerned he always looked good from any angle.
‘There really aren’t words,’ Ianto replied.
‘I know, right? Best Halloween costume I’ve ever done this year, even if I do say so myself.’
‘And you do,’ Ianto quipped.
‘You know,’ Gwen said, ‘I set the theme on the basis that both guys and girls could be pirates, because I thought that would be easier.’
Jack looked confused. ‘Easier than what? I mean, I was all for the Star Wars idea, and even the Austin Powers thing, but I’ve done the sixties, and the average costume these days just doesn’t stack up against the real thing.’
Ianto sighed inwardly. Only Jack could manage to drum up some Victorian Age frock from the archives. It still smelled of mothballs and mildew. Where he’d gotten the wig from, Ianto didn’t even want to know. He was less sure if Jack was going for Victorian upper class lady, or bedraggled Jack the Ripper victim. He was far too well versed in the art of putting on make-up for Ianto’s comfort. On another day, in another city, Ianto might have mistaken that face for a woman’s, which was a disturbing prospect. Perhaps if they just got Jack to keep quiet, no one would notice that he wasn’t sporting all the right lady parts.
Ianto placed a placating hand on his arm. ‘I think what Gwen’s trying to say is that she expected you to dress up as a pirate, not as some Elizabeth Swann damsel in distress.’
‘Hey, what can I say? I like lace.’
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