Fffc March Special Bingo - One false step

[m_findlow]

Title: One false step
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,209 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for fffc March Special Bingo Card - Prompt 3 - Barefoot
Summary: Jack has uncovered something unpleasant in the night.

'Argh!' Jack screamed. It was a sound that was so very distinctive Ianto couldn't help but wake up to it.

'What now?' he muttered, forcing himself out of Jack’s narrow cot, begrudging it as soon as he saw that the clock read 3:14 am. Finally a night with no rift disturbances and Jack had even done him the favour of getting up early and leaving him to peacefully enjoy the narrow bed all to himself without any fear of being turfed out of it by Jack’s wayward arms and legs. He should have known it was too good to be true. 

'Ianto!' came the second cry.

He sighed, slipping on his dressing gown and slippers. Jack might have thought it was overkill, but if he was going to traipse around the hub in the middle of the night, he wasn’t doing it in his pajamas. At least he was wearing pajamas. Some nights it was nothing at all, and the last thing he wanted was someone accidentally spying him on their CCTV in nothing but his birthday suit. If he looked a bit pompous going around in slippers and gown, then that was just tough. It was still a whole lot better than the alternative.

'Are you coming to help or what?' Jack yelled out.

He sighed again, praying there was at least time for coffee. He suspected whatever Jack’s latest drama, he was going to need it. 

'What could you possibly have issue with at this ungodly hour of the morning?' he asked, as he poked his head up and out through the narrow opening to Jack's bunker.

'I stood in something and I'm pretty sure I know what already.'

'You hardly need me, then,' Ianto quipped, 'since you're already so well informed.'

'It's your fault!' Jack wailed, standing rather stupidly in the middle of his office with one leg cocked in the air.

'What? How is it my fault? Don't you have eyes to watch where you're going?'

'It was dark and I couldn't see it until I stood in it, and just... Argh!' he cried again.

As Ianto slowly approached, it was the smell more than the sight of it that answered the question of what Jack had trodden in. He knew that odour, having smelled it almost every day in cleaning out Myfanwy's nest. As well trained as she was, there was no escaping that fact that if you fed a dinosaur, it was inevitably going to come back out the other end at some point. And if you fed it a combination of raw fish and fresh fruit, well, let's just say it looked nothing like the emoji.

Ianto sighed and left out through Jack's office door.

'Where are you going?'

'To get the mop and bucket and some wet wipes to clean up. Unless of course you were planning on standing there on one leg all night looking like a complete arse.'

'Very funny, Ianto,' Jack seethed.

He took his time getting everything he needed from the cupboard under the kitchen sink. A little wounded pride wouldn't hurt Jack, so long as he didn't move. Ianto was fairly sure Jack knew better than to tempt fate by tracking further bits of it around his office.

'Took your time,' Jack complained as Ianto knelt to wipe the worst of it from his foot. Bloody ungrateful git, Ianto thought. Should've let him do it himself.

'Do you want to tell me why you were wandering around with no shoes on?' Ianto asked, taking a second wet towelette to finish the job.

'Look at me,' Jack replied, standing there in his t-shirt and boxers. 'Do I look like I'm going to be wearing shoes like this? Besides, it's my hub. I should be allowed to go around barefoot if I want. The better question is why the hell there's dinosaur poo in my office.'

'If you'd been wearing slippers, it wouldn't have been such an issue.'

Traipsing around the hub in the dark barefoot was inadvisable. Things had a habit of shifting all on their own. Being right on top of the rift made the place occasionally shudder, sending items rolling off desks and out of cupboards if they weren't shut properly. It was as if the rift objected to the machine right at the heart of the hub, giving it a little what for every now and again. Playing naked hide and seek was one thing, and even then, there were sections of the hub Ianto didn't love walking across without shoes, but doing it the dark without being able to see what was underfoot was just silly.

'How about we talk about how your pet shouldn't be in my office instead of my lack of footwear?' Jack said.

'She's a wild animal Jack. She lives in the hub just like we do. I can't exactly stop her from going about the place, anymore than I can stop you,' he added, giving Jack a knowing quirk of his eyebrow. 'Besides, she knows not to come in here, unless of course you leave something lying around that she's interested in.' He looked up at Jack as he dumped the foul smelling mop into the bucket of water, rinsing it before taking another sweep. 'Was there anything here that shouldn't have been?'

There was a furtive pause and a slightly guilty look crossed Jack's features. Suddenly a thought occurred to Ianto. 'Why were you up in the middle of the night, anyway? What urgent thing required your undivided attention this time?'

'I was hungry.'

Ianto gave a final sweep of his mop and settled it back in the bucket, leaning on the mop handle. 'Hungry,' he repeated. 'Hungry as in "fix myself a peanut butter sandwich" hungry, or hungry as in "I've been keeping a secret stash of chocolate in my bottom drawer and forgot that we have a pet who can sniff out chocolate fifty metres distant"?'

Jack shuffled uneasily on his now clean foot. 'Um, the latter? Still doesn't mean she had to poop in my office,' he added, feeling affronted. 'I don't see her leaving presents around your desk.'

'Let Myf loiter anywhere for a period of time and you're bound to get something,' Ianto replied. 'She probably spent ages trying to prise them from your drawer and out of their wrappers.'

'I didn't even hear her,' Jack protested. 'What is she, some kind of chocolate stealing ninja?'

'Something like that,' he replied. 'I think it's safe to say you got your just desserts in this instance.'

'Hey, why am I the victim here?'

'I do seem to recall you saying we were all meant to be eating healthier. Was this part of your new paleo diet?'

'I'm immortal, Ianto. It takes a lot to keep this body fuelled. What's a little bit of chocolate here and there?'

'You need refueling in the middle of the night when you've been asleep and your metabolism is at its lowest?' he replied, sounding skeptical.

Jack stood a little taller. 'I'm physically unique.'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'Okay, Mr Physically Unique. I'm going back to bed, now. Next time you decide that your singularly exceptional anatomy needs a sugar hit, wear slippers. It'll solve a lot of problems.'