m_findlow

Title: The hardest part
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 627 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for fffc May Special Daily Challenge - May 23rd - The problem with forever (Jennifer L. Armentrout)
Summary: Jack is learning to live with the realities of immortality.

Jack barely waited for Ianto to open his eyes before pulling him into a hug that threatened to squeeze the very life out of him that had only just returned.

'Gods, Ianto,' he said, burying his face into the short brown hair. 'I was so worried you weren't coming back to me.' The time between death and the eventual resurrection had felt interminable, though perhaps it was only minutes and not the hours it had seemed to stretch on.

Ianto reached up and put a reassuring hand on Jack's cheek. 'Don't be daft. I'll always come back. That's how it works.'

The problem with having forever was not so much that they got to live forever, but rather that they had to watch one another die over and over again. For Jack, who'd died so many times he couldn't even begin to guess a number, it didn't matter how many times Ianto put him through that terrible agony. Each and every death hurt just as much as the very first. How was he supposed to live like this? Nothing was supposed to be able to kill Jack permanently, but having to watch his lover slip from life and wait for him to come back to him just might kill him.

Jack leaned forward into the touch until their foreheads were touching. 'I wish you wouldn't do this to me.'

'I didn't mean to,' he replied. There were definitely times when he'd foolishly sacrificed himself in order to save someone else, Jack included. As much as he'd always hated Jack for throwing himself self into danger, immortality did change your perspective on life. When you knew that what you were risking wasn't everything, it was a lot easier to reconcile with the consequences. On this occasion though, it hadn't been one of those times.

He was slowly discovering that there were things out in the wider universe that weren't always conducive with twenty-first century human genetics. Things that Jack had never thought twice about had caused all kinds of illness and allergic reactions. One moment he'd been enjoying paddling through the shallows along the beach and the next he'd been stung by some kind of local jellyfish. He'd assured Jack he felt fine, once the redness had abated, but a few hours later he was weak and vomiting, collapsing right there in the street with only Jack's arms to catch him. Jack had helped him back to their ship where he'd spent the last few days desperately ill and in a lot of pain, despite Jack's efforts to try various remedies. If anything, it was a relief to finally slip away, knowing that on the other side would be a reprieve from the pain and suffering.

It seemed that despite everything, Jack wasn't quite so keen on him giving up the fight, not that he thought he'd had much say in the matter. He didn't think he could keep fighting even if he'd tried. What seemed to upset him more was the time it had taken him to come back. It was rarely more than a few minutes, but perhaps it had been longer than usual, sparking Jack's panic and fear.

Jack ran a hand through his hair, still damp with sweat and clinging to his head. Gods but he needed a shower, or perhaps a long soak in the bath. He could tell that his death had upset Jack, in the same way Jack's deaths had upset Ianto any number of times, each horrific in their own way.

'I'm not leaving you, Jack,' he said, spelling it out for him. 'You're the reason I am the way I am, so you're stuck with me. Besides, who else is going to put up with you for all of eternity?'