Torchwood: Fanfic: A dressing down

[m_findlow]

Title: A dressing down
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 736 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Torchwood, team, Of course wire coat hangers are aliens" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto is having real problems getting dressed this morning.

'Ouch!' Ianto cried as he reached into the cupboard to pull out his shirt for the day.

'Did you say something?' Jack asked, scrubbing his hair with a towel as he padded out of the bathroom, still half wet.

Ianto clutched his hand, inspecting the tiny red spot that now graced the back of it. 'Nothing,' he said. 'Just clumsy,' he added, knowing he must have caught his hand on the tip of the coat hanger, knicking it. He'd always hated those wire coat hangers. They were sharp and got rusty and covered in that horrible residue if you didn't replace them every so often. He much preferred the wooden ones, or even the plastic coated ones. At least those ones had little caps on the end of the hook that prevented such mishaps.

'Gwen said she'll be in a little late this morning on account of-'

'Ow!' Ianto's cry interrupted Jack's sentence.

'What is it?'

'Okay, so once is clumsy, but this is ridiculous,' Ianto said, spotting another nasty red mark on his hand. No one let him near the fine china tea set today, nor any alien tech that might be described as "a wee bit twitchy". At this rate he was likely to lose more than just an eyebrow.

'What are you doing, Ianto?' Jack asked, frowning at his lover, as he cupped his hand to his chest.

'Trying to get out a shirt to wear, but that's twice now I've managed to snag my hand on the end of the hanger. Look,' he said, showing Jack the painful red marks.

'Ouch,' Jack said, getting a good look at them. 'You want to be more careful.'

'I thought I was,' he replied.

'They don't like it when you grab them around the neck,' Jack said. 'Always grab by the arms.'

'What are you taking about?'

'The hangers.'

Ianto scoffed. 'For heaven's sake, they're just hangers, Jack. I don't think they care one way or another how I grab them out of the cupboard.'

'Of course they do. They have feelings too.'

Ianto sighed. It was clearly going to be one of those days when Jack was in a stupid mood, making no sense whatsoever. 'Next you'll be telling me they're alien.'

'What, you mean you didn't know?'

'Har har, Jack. I haven't had coffee yet. Your jokes will have to wait for me to entertain them.'

'I'm serious.'

'The coat hangers are aliens?' Ianto didn't think he could sound more skeptical if he tried.

'Of course the coat hangers are alien!'

Ianto took one look the serious expression on Jack's face, difficult to do when he wasn't wearing anything, and blinked.

'We have aliens in our wardrobe?'

'Sure. I just assumed you didn't mind. They don't need feeding and they like dark spaces. They're kinda like bats; just give them somewhere dark to hang around and they're happy.'

Ianto pinched the bridge of his nose. Did Torchwood have to invade every tiny little corner of their lives? 'Clearly they're not happy, or they wouldn't have bitten me.'

'Like I said, you wanna be careful how you grab them. Gentle.'

Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Jack, keeping them fixed on Jack the whole time as he tentatively reached in to claim his shirt.

'Ow!' he cried again, sporting a third tiny bite. 'I was careful that time, I swear.'

Jack laughed. 'Which shirt were you going for?'

'The grey one.'

'Try the red.'

'It doesn't go with the tie I picked.'

'Just go with me on this.'

Ianto sighed loudly and reached in again, this time keeping his eyes firmly on his newest residents, brushing a hand over the shoulder of his red shirt, feeling the luscious fabric beneath his hand. He really did love that shirt, but wore it less often than he'd like, for fear of ruining it. It slipped easily out without incident.

'I didn't get bitten. What just happened?'

'I think they were voicing their opinion on what you should wear. I have to say, I agree with them. Red is definitely your colour, although you look pretty good with nothing on at all, as well.'

Seriously? Did everyone have to get involved in his morning routine? 'Well, from now on they can keep their opinions to themselves, assuming they don't want to find themselves out in the rubbish bin. I'm perfectly capable of dressing myself.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

*laughs*

I hope the hangers are Rift sensitive and know today will be quiet so Ianto's best shirt won't come to harm! I'm glad my hangers don't bite, but then again, I don't use the
wire ones.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

I'm convinced they're alien. Mine all have minds of their own and literally jump off the door sometimes!

[bk_forever]

Same here. I wrote a FAKE ficlet on the subject. I'm sill trying to get rid of the last ones lurking in my wardrobes. o_O