m_findlow

Title: Just another day in paradise
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 3 - Jimmy Buffett Song Titles - Cheeseburger in Paradise at ficlet_zone
Summary: Jack treats Ianto to the best restaurant in the universe.

Jack wrapped an arm around Ianto's waist as he opened the door and ushered them into the restaurant. 'I hope you're hungry,' he said, tipping a hand at the maitre d.

'Reservation name?' the man asked.

'Harkness. Table for two.'

The maitre d scanned a long list of names penned in his book, flipping pages one by one until he found it. Ianto gave Jack a quirk of his eyebrow, beginning to wonder if their reservation was even there.

'This way, sirs,' the maitre d announced, showing them to a table right by the long curved windows that looked out across the vast city and waterfront.

'Nice view, huh?' Jack said, looking pleased.

'Very nice,' Ianto agreed. 'I can see why they called the place Paradise.'

They'd spent all morning touring the city streets, shopping to their heart's content. It reminded Ianto of the posh end of London, only now he could afford the things displayed in the shop windows, something he couldn't have done when he worked for Torchwood One. With their arms laden with bags, Jack had walked them back to their ship, dropped off their purchases, and directed them across the river and towards the gleaming city towers. Everywhere was spotless and neat, tree lined and not a piece of rubbish to be seen. It was almost too perfect, but had just enough of a lived in feeling that it made it feel right. Jack assured Ianto he knew where he was going, and that lunch had been pre-arranged.

Now that he'd seen the bookings log, he could understand that this was not somewhere you just walked in, hoping for a table. Jack had this planned in advance.

Ianto admired the silver tablecloth and the sparkling cutlery. Even the chairs were delightfully comfortable, velvet covered with long padded armrests. 'Have you been here before?' he asked.

Jack chuckled, pouring water into the two crystal glasses and taking a sip. 'I wish,' he replied. 'I just hope you brought your appetite. After this morning's shopping, I'm famished.'

Ianto looked around the table again, frowning. 'Where's the menu?'

Jack seemed puzzled as his gaze met Ianto's. 'What do you need a menu for?'

'Uh, so we can decide what to order?' Wasn't that obvious?

Jack reached across the table and gripped Ianto's hand in a romantic gesture. 'This is the best restaurant in the whole universe. It's on a planet called Paradise. You don't need a menu because you can have whatever you want. They make the best of everything here. What else would you expect in Paradise?'

Ianto paused to consider the concept. 'So, what you're saying is that if I wanted Welsh cakes and raspberry soda, I'd be able to order it and they'd make it?'

Jack gave him an amused smile. 'If that was your heart's desire, then sure.'

'But how do they know what a Welsh cake is?' He didn't even think most people back on Earth outside of Wales knew what one was, let alone how to make it.

'Every person who has ever walked through these doors has had their minds probed,' Jack explained. 'They've recorded the memory of every meal you've ever eaten, what it tasted like, how it was presented, and what it's made of. There's been so many different species walk through those doors and eat here that there's almost nothing they can't cook up.'

'And we're okay that we've been, er... probed?'

Jack laughed at him. 'There are very few unpleasant probes in the universe. You didn't even know, more's the pity. You probably just contributed an entirely new cuisine, not that anyone around here is going to be in a hurry to order lava bread.'

Ianto pulled a face. 'What's wrong with lava bread?'

'Ianto, everything is wrong with lava bread.' It was one thing Jack could never bring himself to eat, not after the very first time he'd tasted it. He'd eaten a lot of strange things in his life, but if he never tasted that again, he wouldn't be upset. Jack watched him over the top of his glass. 'Ready to order yet?'

Ianto felt overwhelmed. How could he be? He had a hard enough time selecting a choice from a normal menu. Well, normal was stretching it a little bit. They'd been loads of places and eaten a lot of strange things at local eateries with even stranger menus. Most of the things on them he'd never even heard of let alone knew what they were. He'd often leave it to Jack to decide for both of them. He didn't want to find out he'd accidentally ordered deep fried alien body parts - not unless Jack told him they were delicious, and even then, he might be teasing.

He tried to think of something extravagant to order. Money was no object, and since he could apparently have absolutely anything, he might as well take advantage of it. Yet his mind was drawing a complete blank. A steak seemed too obvious, nice as it might be, or perhaps around these parts the way they cooked steak might be totally different to what he was used to. The last thing he wanted was a steak not cooked properly, even if he'd supposedly been probed and they now knew exactly how he liked his steak cooked. Perhaps he should stick to something safe. The more he tried to think of something fancy, the more his brain made suggestions for silly comfort food: lasagne, fish and chips, a nice hearty curry. All of those things seemed like wasteful choices. 'What are you having?' he asked, looking for inspiration.

'Me?' Jack said. 'A cheeseburger and a lime spider.'

Ianto considered his lover quizzically. 'Seriously? Anything in the universe and you want a cheeseburger?'

He shrugged. 'Why not? Besides, ever since you said raspberry soda, it's all I've been able to think about. Did you know it's exactly what I had the very first time I came to Cardiff with the Doctor? Oh, those were some good memories. Me and Rose and Mickey. And hey, have I ever told you about the time I had a run in with this huge alien with tusks and how we ran naked all the way back to our ship and were fifteen light years away before we even realised we had no clothes on?'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'I'm sure I've heard variants on the same theme,' he replied. Why did Jack's stories always end up with him being naked?

'So, you decided yet? Only because that waiter over there is giving us the eye and probably thinks we're just here for the photo op. I didn't put my name on their waiting list for three hundred years just to get kicked out before we've even eaten here.' Rather than risk it, Jack waved the man over.

'Your best double cheeseburger and a lime spider, thanks. And fries,' Jack said as an afterthought. 'Lots and lots of fries.'

The waiter noted down Jack's order, completely unperturbed by the request. 'With sauce?'

Jack grinned. 'Oh, yeah.' He leaned across the table. 'What about that blue cheese aioli we used to have at that greasy spoon in Riverside? Do you remember that?'

Oh, yes, Ianto remembered alright. They'd go there after a weevil chase late at night and order nothing but those delicious chips. They'd order double serves, licking it and the salty chips off their fingertips, and drinking milkshakes with paper straws. 'They can do that?'

'Blue cheese aioli, my good man,' Jack ordered. 'And plenty of it.'

'Very good, sir. And what will you be having today, sir?' the waiter said, turning his attention to Ianto.

'Better make it two cheeseburgers. And a raspberry soda.' He paused for a moment. 'I don't suppose we could get Welsh cakes for afterward?'

'Anything you like, sir.'

'And ice cream sundaes,' Jack added, 'with lots of whipped cream and sprinkles.'

'And chocolate fudge sauce,' Ianto said.

'And brownies.'

'Some lemon tarts.'

'Strawberry shortcake.'

'Merengue kisses.'

'And lots of your best coffee to wash it all down. You've got the Ianto Jones secret recipe now. You'll have people flocking from all over just for the coffee soon.' Jack beamed at his lover. 'Mind you, they still have to spend years on the waiting list. I get to have it any time I like. And when you've had it made by the master, there's really no comparison.'

Ianto smiled back at Jack, squeezing his hand.

The waiter ignored their tender moment. 'Will that be all, sirs?'

'For now,' Jack replied.

The waiter left to inform the kitchens.

Ianto continued to stare across the table at his lover. 'I think we might make ourselves sick if we eat all that. I don't even think we can. Probably silly of us to order so much food.'

Jack looked unconcerned. 'We can always get a doggy bag to take it with us.'

Ianto grinned back at him. 'Now I know I'm in Paradise.'