m_findlow

Title: When you've got forever
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,210 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 142 - Forever at beattheblackdog
Summary: Ianto has to get to grips with his life changing forever.

When Ianto woke he felt strange. More tired than he’d ever felt before, and yet he also felt so alive. Then he remembered yesterday - the TARDIS making him immortal like Jack. It felt so overwhelming.

'You’re awake,' came the muffled sounds from Jack next to him. His hair was all askew, sticking out like he’d had a rough night. 'I was thinking sleeping beauty here was going to be at it for another day.'

Ianto frowned at him, his expression one of confusion. 'How long did I sleep in?'

Jack looked at him with tenderness and amusement. 'Two days.'

Two days? No, that wasn’t right. They’d crawled into bed last night after a celebratory dinner with the Doctor. It had been quite late so they’d only had a few hours sleep. He most definitely hadn’t been asleep for two days.

'It takes some getting used to,' Jack replied, sensing his confusion. 'The human body isn't naturally designed to contain the vortex.'

'Apparently,' he replied, turning over so that he was lying on his side facing Jack, who was himself propped up on his elbow. His head was heavy, content to stay where it was pressed into his pillow, staring lovingly at his Jack.

He couldn’t say for certain that he felt different but there was something there, something that drew him towards Jack, like a shared connection. He’d felt it that very first moment the TARDIS had finished her work. The time vortex inside Jack could sense the time vortex inside him. It was more than the soul bonding ceremony they’d had previously which aligned their minds and spirits. This was a physical connection. He could have closed his eyes and been able to say exactly where Jack was in the room, down to the nearest inch. He could feel Jack’s heart beating in his chest, feel the way his breath moved in and out of his lungs and sense him reaching out to touch Ianto’s face before their bodies had even connected.

'It’s strange,' Jack murmured, as if he too was needing to acclimatise to the sensation. 'I can feel you right here even without knowing it. When I left to shower, eat and chat with the Doc, it was like you were there with me, but not there. I would have stayed if I knew you were going to wake up, but I just knew you would still be sleeping.' He cocked his head sideways at Ianto, which made it looked right way up from where he was lying. 'Does that make sense?'

Ianto nodded. He didn't have to understand the ins and outs of it, but he knew, just as surely as he could have known if Jack was awake or asleep.

Jack stroked his cheek with the pad of his thumb, letting it linger on the warm skin. 'I never imagined any of this would be possible.' Ianto could sense the way Jack lacked for words to describe how he felt, but the sentiment rising inside him was enough to make it clear.

'I’m sorry for what’s to come,' Jack said, apologising.

Ianto frowned again. 'What do you mean?'

'Forever,' Jack simply replied.

Ianto stopped and let the thought sink in for the first time. Last night they'd been having a good time, and for the most part, it had just been like any other meal, full of stories and jokes and laughter. He hadn't really paused to consider the entirety of how their lives had changed.

He'd often watched Jack struggle with that harshness of having to say goodbye a hundred times over to people he’d known and loved. That’s what he meant. That Ianto would now bear that same pain. He was never going to get older. Everyone else they knew would continue to age and eventually die. His sister, his niece and nephew, brother-in-law, Gwen, Rhys, Andy, everyone. People he didn't even know yet, but whom he would come to love and cherish would one day leave his life and never return. Forever was going to be one long stream of goodbyes. The world would continue to change around him and all he could do would be to watch it go by, a participant, but never as deeply ingrained in any one moment of it as he had been before.

He swallowed hard as the realisation hit him. It was heartache for Jack to endure, even now after nearly two hundred years of it. Two hundred years was nothing when the vastness of millennia after millennia stretched out before them. Would they even recognise who they were, or who they had been, several thousand years from now? Would they reach a point at which going on seemed to impossible, and their days were filled with nothing but yearning for death to take them? It was a daunting prospect.

Yesterday the choice had seemed simple. He loved Jack with all his heart. He wanted to be with him for as long as he possibly could, and he never wanted Jack to feel the pain of his loss. There was so much they hadn't yet done or seen, and the years they'd had felt far too short to fit in a even a tiny slice of it. He didn't want them to be living on borrowed time. He couldn't bear the looks Jack gave him when he didn't think Ianto was looking, the angst in those stormy blue eyes that suggested they were already running out of time. Yesterday there'd been no question at all that this was the right course of action.

'Forever,' Ianto muttered back, staring deeply into Jack's eyes. It would be scary, but it would also be wondrous. And at least now Jack wouldn’t have to endure it all alone. There would always be one person there who would be standing by his side, ensuring that he would never truly be alone in the world ever again. And Jack would offer him that same comfort. It would be difficult, but they’d get through it together. That was what the TARDIS had meant when she’d said everything in the universe had to have a counterbalance, black and white, ying and yang, dark and light. Nothing could exist in isolation.

'I've got you,' Ianto said. 'That makes it worth it. Just promise you won't ever get sick of me.'

Jack snuggled closer, wrapping his arms around him tight. 'Not in a million trillion lifetimes. I'm afraid you're stuck with me forever.'

Ianto reached across the repeated the gesture, feeling a warmth suffusing him from the inside out as Jack's overjoyed emotions filled him and threatened to spill over. 'There could be worse things, I suppose,' he teased. 'Someone has to the save the universe from you.'

Jack chuckled. 'You know, once you get used to it, you'll find that it takes a lot to tire you out.'

'Don't I know it,' Ianto replied. 'Maybe now it'll be me waking you up at three in the morning full of energy.'

'Just think what you'll be able to do with all the extra time and energy,' Jack said, a grin spreading across his face.

'I think you've already got the prospect thoroughly considered.' Three am wake ups were about to get a lot more appealing.