Torchwood: Leaving a bitter taste

[m_findlow]

Title: Leaving a bitter taste
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Gwen, Rhys
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 595 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Torchwood, any, despairing at the lack of coffee" at fic_promptly
Summary: The realisation finally hits Gwen.

It took Gwen a moment to process why the taste shocked her, sitting there at her kitchen counter, hunched over it, clasping the mug in her hands. She was still half asleep, having gotten up without waking Rhys, wrapping the dressing gown around her and padding into the kitchen.

She flipped on the kettle, listening to the sound of it slowly boiling. She'd always loved how comforting a sound that was. It reminded her of afternoons in the kitchen at her parents house, her mum making her cups of tea after she'd broken up with yet another boyfriend. Somehow she knew that once the kettle was boiled, everything would get better.

Today thought, as she woke properly and came to her senses, she realised everything wasn't going be okay. The cup of coffee in her hands was wrong. It tasted bitter and horrible and flat. It was always going to taste that way, she realised. From now until the end of days, every single cup of coffee was going to be a reminder that there would be no more good coffee. Good coffee had died the day Ianto had. Every warm comforting moment she could remember from the past four years had been associated with the specially crafted brew, made with such exquisite care and attention. She'd never really appreciated how much effort went into making it, and how much it meant to be a recipient of something made with so much love. Why had she never done anything in return that showed anything even remotely close to the same level of care?

She choked out a sob, feeling the tears falling down her face. There'd been so little time since everything had happened to just stop and actually feel, and now that normal life had begun again, like a video that had been on pause, she couldn't believe how much it hurt.

Jack should have been here to cry with her, to hold her and console her, but even he'd gone and abandoned her. The loss of Ianto was too much. He needed to grieve as well, but he had to do it on his own. He didn't have the energy to be strong for Gwen when his own world had come crumbling down around him. She really needed him here. This was more than she could cope with.

Everything they'd done felt like it had been for nothing. The rest of the world got to keep on living their lives, but it felt like theirs were over. She should have been excited about the baby, but now all she'd remember is what had happened the day she'd found out. They'd killed Jack, they'd killed Ianto, and they'd very nearly killed her. They, who'd done so much to protect the city. The worst part was that even after all they'd done, stopping the 456 from stealing the world's children, no one would ever know or appreciate what they'd sacrificed. No one would ever know what a hero Ianto had been, standing up to the enemy. It was one thing for Jack to do it, knowing he couldn't die, but it was different for them. They knew the risks, and still they did this job, thankless as it had been.

'Gwen?'

She turned to see Rhys standing there, having heard her sobbing cries. He came over and hugged her tight, letting her cry against his shoulder.

'I want Ianto back,' she muffled. It wasn't about the coffee, and it wasn't about having Jack here. It was about having given up everything and still having lost.

Comments

[jo02]

Yeah, made me cry again.

[bk_forever]

*sniffle* I want Ianto back too, but no one wants him back more than Jack does. It was so cruel of RTD to destroy Torchwood that way.