Torchwood-fest - Misery loves company

[m_findlow]

Title: Misery loves company
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 2,528 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Week 3 Prompts - Charity & Branch at torchwood_fest
Summary: On a day where Ianto would rather be alone, Jack extends an olive branch.

There was a knocking at Ianto's door. He knew better than to answer it. It wasn't going to be anyone he knew. The knocking persisted. He sank lower into the sofa burying his sock covered feet down in between the cushions, as if bracing himself against the outside world imposing on his little sanctuary. Go away, he thought. You've got the wrong flat. Someone else in the block was no doubt having celebrations. Eventually the door knockers would realise they had the wrong address and move on.

He should have been dressed and out the door by now, but he'd canceled Christmas plans with his family. He couldn't bring himself to sit there with them the whole day, pretending he was okay. He most definitely couldn't tell them that Lisa was gone. He could barely cope with that thought himself. A few months ago he'd had all these happy thoughts about the look on his sister's face when he brought his girlfriend over for Christmas lunch. Finally he'd put all of her needling and nagging comments to rest about how he couldn't just spend his entire life as a bachelor, and that he needed to meet a nice girl and settle down. Having someone else in his life would make him happy, Rhiannon assured him. Now he didn't think he'd ever be happy again.

Christmas was just another day this year. He could tick it off on his calendar and breathe a sigh of relief once it was over. Things would be easier once it was over. They just had to be. He couldn't do more days like this, just lying there and staring at the wall and thinking about how empty and pointless his life was. Everyone else had someone to be with. Everyone except him. His sister and been right. Having someone else in his life had made him happy. He just didn't think he could ever replace that person once they'd gone. It wasn't like the girlfriends he'd had before. All of those had just been a bit of fun, someone to hang around with, with a few added benefits on the side. Lisa was something permanent, something he could imagine having in his life forever. You couldn't replace forever.

The person at the door persisted, knocking with some intensity now, and finally he heard his name being called out by a very distinct voice. Bloody hell, he thought, forcing himself up off the sofa to pad towards the door. He ran a hand through his hair, hoping it wasn't sticking out too badly before he opened the door, coming face to face with Jack.

'Oh, good. I was hoping you wouldn't make me use the key,' Jack said in greeting.

Ianto didn't miss a beat at having his boss standing in his doorway. 'You have a key?'

'You're surprised by that?'

Not really, he wanted to say. 'Most people would assume that if someone doesn't answer the door it's because they're not home,' he said instead. Not because they're hoping you'll finally get a chance to test out the spare, he mentally added.

'Except I've been monitoring your flat and you haven't left since last night,' Jack replied.

'You've been...' He let out a sigh. Why should that surprise him either? Torchwood owned him. Nothing he did was his anymore. He fixed Jack with a glare. If it had been something serious, he would have just called, or at least not wasted time with all the preamble. He'd have used that damn key and barged right on in. If it was a rift alert and he wanted help, he'd have called ahead, made demands that Ianto drop whatever he'd been doing to make himself available. And Jack would have asked any of the rest of the team first before he resorted to wanting help from their general support officer. This felt less like a work visit than it did something else. 'Don't you have better things to do?' he snapped, annoyed at this intrusion into a day when he could finally just be alone.

'Don't you?' Jack countered. He took in the sight of Ianto, no doubt noting the rumpled pajamas and dark circles under his eyes. 'Sleeping in on Christmas? Dinner with your family instead of lunch?'

Ianto gritted his teeth. 'Not really any of your business, is it, sir?'

Jack gripped the edge of the door, pushing his way a few feet inside. He wasn't about to let Ianto have the space to close the door in his face. 'It kinda is, actually. Especially when it looks like my employees are planning on spending the day moping on the sofa.' Jack pushed the door shut behind him, ending the argument about whether he was staying or not. 'I'll bet you don't have so much as a microwave pudding in here, do you?'

Ianto wandered off, grabbing the duvet that was still crumpled on the sofa and making a show of folding it up. 'Christmas is overrated.'

'Spoken like a person who has somewhere they should be.'

'I'm not on the clock, sir. I don't have to have you boss me around.'

Jack folded his arms and took his traditional Captain's stance - the one he did when he wasn't about to argue the point. Ianto was rarely on the receiving end of it, but he'd seen it employed against the others more times than he could count. 'Doesn't mean you don't need bossing around.'

Ianto dropped the folded duvet onto the end of the sofa with a huff. 'I'm really very tired if you must know. I've been given a reprieve from having Christmas with my family.'

'And don't you just look devastated about that fact,' Jack replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

'What do you want?' Ianto said, this time with much more force.

'I want you to stop wasting you life, Ianto.'

Ianto felt his muscles tense at the accusation. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

Jack fixed him with a firm stare. 'I think you know.'

I shouldn't have kissed him, Ianto thought over and over again. It was just one night but now Jack seemed to think he owned him or something, or at the very least that he had some responsibility over Ianto's life and what choices he made. Just because they'd spent one night together didn't mean he wasn't allowed to keep mourning. Life was still pretty empty except for work. Coming home still meant cooking for one and eating alone, assuming he could be bothered, and still no one there to snuggle up with on the sofa at the end of it all. That was what he missed most, just having someone there to hold and to talk nonsense with. He'd never been much of a talker, but somehow Lisa dragged the silliest things out of him. She wasn't even trying. His mouth would just start moving and suddenly he'd find himself unable to stop it running away from him. He felt safe telling her anything and everything. She didn't judge him. He missed having someone around that didn't want anything from him. Every day now was the same - I need a coffee, I need a file, the biscuit tin is empty, the SUV needs cleaning out, the council taxes need paying. Feeling wanted for what he could do for someone else wasn't the same as being wanted just to have around for company. Everything he did now had to justify his continued existence.

Jack stepped a little closer. 'Why don't you want to spend Christmas with your family?'

Ianto let out a mirth-filled chuckle at that. He could sit Jack down and make him an entire list of reasons, not the least of which would be having to sit there between his mum and his sister, pretending that his mum wasn't sick. Why she still hadn't told Rhiannon about it was beyond him. She didn't want Rhiannon fussing was the line she always fed him, but apparently it was okay for him to fuss, such as it was. He was never there as much as he should be, but she never complained. If anything, she fussed over him more than he did her. She at least knew Lisa was gone and how much it had upset him. Neither of them had even met her. Rhi just wouldn't mention it at all. She was quite happy to laud all of his other failures or bad choices, but this would just sit like a big silent gap between them. He could only imagine how much worse it would be if she knew mum was sick. She'd be furious with him for not telling her.

Between the emptiness of having to face up to his family alone, and then the impossible weight of keeping secrets, he just couldn't do it. Whether he'd convinced his mum that he was so sick he couldn't even get out of bed, he couldn't be sure. He didn't want to play it up too much in case she decided to come around and do more of her fussing over him. I'm contagious, so I don't want you coming over, he'd told her. Chemo will have destroyed your immune system. I promise to come over in a couple of days when I'm over the worst of it. Don't want to make you any sicker.

'I only get one whole day off a year,' Ianto replied. 'Can't I just enjoy it how I want?'

Jack's eyes narrowed at him, turning on boss mode. 'You expect me to believe you want to spend your day off alone like a hermit?'

'Says the man who lives in an underground bunker.' It was a low blow but fair in the circumstances. Who was Jack to call out him for being a loner? Jack was the most isolated person he'd ever met. Strip away all the charm and the jokes and what you were left with was a guy with a chip on his shoulder the size of Barry.

Jack ignored the insult. 'You know what I mean. C'mon, it's Christmas. There's roast turkey and vegetables. You need to eat more vegetables by the way, and there's pudding and custard and presents. What's not to like?'

Ianto fixed him with a stern look. 'So, why aren't you off celebrating?'

Jack shrugged off the question as if it meant nothing. 'Only child. My parents are gone and I lost touch with more distant relatives.'

'So, it's okay for you not to celebrate, but not me.'

'Who says I don't celebrate Christmas? I go to church, got my microwave turkey dinner and whole box of mince pies. Snap a few bon bons, amuse myself with the terrible jokes, see if I can't get Janet to try on one of the paper hats, and then I'll kick back and watch the Strictly grand final.'

Ianto raised his eyebrow and gave Jack a skeptical look. 'You go to church?' He didn't even think Jack was religious, not with the way he lived. The church would be horrified. Accepting homosexuality was one thing, accepting Jack was a completely different proposition.

'I like the vibe,' Jack replied, defending his actions, as if that was the most outrageous thing he did on the agenda he'd outlined. 'The hymns make it feel more Christmassy.'

'So, you've returned from church with a compelling need to redeem someone less fortunate.'

Jack looked wounded by the barb. 'That's harsh, even for you. When did you become so cold and hard?'

'Fine. You're feeling lonely this year and you wanted company,' Ianto offered up. Misery loved company, isn't that what they said?

'I can always use someone to pull the other end of the bon bons.' Jack stepped closer again, this time close enough to rest a hand on Ianto's elbow. 'Please don't do this to yourself. I hate to see you in this much pain. I thought things were getting better?'

Ianto sighed. 'They were. Sort of. I just can't face them and have them dredge it all back up again, or worse, pretend it never happened. There's all these secrets and I can't... I just...'

Jack's arms were wrapped around him before he could say any more, not that he thought he could find the words even if he tried. He sank into the hug, wrapping his own arms around that soft woolen coat, inhaling its scent. Jack's hand was around his neck, stroking his hair with the tips of his fingers in a way that was decidedly soothing.

Jack finally pulled away and rested his hand on Ianto's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. 'If you can't face your family, do you think maybe you can face me for the afternoon?'

Ianto snorted. 'I thought you already had big plans?'

Jack grinned. 'Two microwave turkey dinners, a pudding big enough for four and a bottle of sparkling apple juice in the boot, ready to go. Hate to break it to Janet, but she's not joining me for Christmas this year. If she's lucky, she might get some Boxing Day leftovers. You do have a microwave that works, I hope?'

'About the only thing that gets used in this kitchen. I'd say you should see my freezer but, well, I think you can picture it.' He couldn't remember the last time he'd cooked a real meal.

'So, that's a yes to Christmas dinner?' Jack asked hopefully.

Ianto rolled his eyes. There was really no arguing with Jack when he got determined like this. He'd wear you down like waves crashing against a cliff. Having him here wasn't the worst thing in the world he supposed. 'Can't exactly get rid of you, can I? You'll only use that spare key to get back in.'

Jack gave him a cheeky smile. 'Or I could come down the chimney and surprise you that way.'

'Since I don't have a chimney, that most certainly would be a surprise.'

Jack chuckled and leaned forward, lips brushing his cheek ever so gently in a way that made him almost wish Jack had gone for his lips instead. 'Why don't you go grab a nice hot shower and put on your glad rags whilst I start warming up dinner?'

'Just so long as you don't mess up my kitchen,' Ianto warned him.

'Take your time. Twenty minutes at least to cook these babies properly and you don't wanna rush these things.' His eyes locked with Ianto's. 'Some things are worth waiting for.'

Ianto turned to head for the bedroom, trying to fathom out Jack's last comment which didn't feel like it had anything to do with the relative cooking times for a microwave dinner. He  turned back, seeing a strange glint in Jack's eyes that worried him. 'You're not going to do anything crazy, are you? I'm not going to come back and find you sticking up a tree and hanging baubles on it or anything, am I?'

It was Jack's turn to scoff at him. 'Don't be ridiculous, Ianto. As if I'd have time to do all that before you got dressed. I attached all the baubles to the tree before I shoved it in the car.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

I laughed out loud at that last line, imaging Jack cramming a fully decorated tree into the car!

Jack's company might be just what Ianto needs right now.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

I hope Jack is only joking about the tree, though I wouldn't put it past him to attempt such an insane endeavour.
I think the company will be mutually beneficial. Neither of them should spend Christmas alone.