m_findlow

Title: In-offensive
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack, Gwen, Ianto
Word Count: 500 words
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for Challenge 157 - Discharge at anythingdrabble
Summary: Some well intentioned security measures cause trouble for the team.

Jack smiled as the large ship came into view on the hillside. 'Well, isn't she a beauty,' he remarked.

'Any idea who they are, judging from their craft?' Gwen asked.

'Not a clue,' Jack replied. 'Doesn't that make it all the more exciting?'

The five of them stood there as steam continued to billow from underneath the ship. They'd come a long way if they needed that much to cool down their engines, Jack thought. They hadn't crashed, nor had they hailed that they were preparing to land. That annoyed Jack. It was just common courtesy in a non-emergency situation. This was just plain rude. Or perhaps they're systems were simply far too sophisticated for Torchwood to pick it up.

They continued to wait, expecting someone to disembark at any moment but the ship just stood there. Something this fancy wouldn't be unmanned.

'Maybe they're waiting for us to knock on their door,' Jack suggested. He looked around at his team. 'Okay, so who wants to come?' It was good practice never to send in a whole army when you didn't know who was on the other side. Two of them was usually appropriate. No one raised their hand, leaving Jack with the executive decision. Ianto. It wasn't favouritism and in any case, no one seemed to mind.

The pair of them walked up to the large hull and as they came within three feet of it, an outline glowed and part of the hull disappeared, admitting them entrance.

'Age before beauty,' Jack teased.

'Good of you to volunteer to go first,' Ianto deftly replied.

Jack chuckled and stepped inside. The room was small and empty, everything a shiny gunmetal grey. Only as the door behind them closed did Jack's instincts begin to tingle.

"Attention,"intoned a metallic voice. "System identifies offensive devices. Please discharge and disarm your weapons in the next two hundred metracycles or this chamber's breathable atmosphere will be vented." A small receptacle appeared out of the wall.

'How long's that?' Ianto asked.

'About sixty seconds.' Jack unclipped his webley and emptied the six chambers, tossing the bullets into the box. 'Okay, that's me done. Now you.'

Ianto looked worried. 'Um, did you forget?'

'Forget what?'

'You had me trialling that neutron laser gun. The one with the unlimited power source?' He pulled it from inside his jacket and showed Jack. 'I can shoot this thing all day long and it won't ever become inert.'

'Ah. Okay. Don't panic.'

'Panic?' Ianto's voice rose in pitch. 'Who's panicking? I'm only about to be suffocated to death! Might as well just shoot myself and save them the bother! Bloody aliens!' He shoved the gun in the box but there was no acknowledgement.

'Hey!' Jack yelled. 'Excuse me! We come in peace. Defensive weapons only! Earth is a Category Five protected planet!'

"Earth?"asked the metallic voice.

'Yeah.'

"Our mistake. We thought you were Martians."

'Forgot to take a left at Jupiter?'

"Seems so."

Jack chuckled. 'Happens all the time.'