Slashthedrabble Challenge 633 - Newcomer

[m_findlow]

Title: Newcomer
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack, The Doctor (Twelve)
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 633 - Uncommon at slashthedrabble
Summary: The Doctor is getting all hot under the collar with Jack's new lover and travelling companion.


'Thanks for letting us tag along for a while,' Jack said, pumping the Doctor's hand. 'You don't know how much I've missed this, and I promised Ianto I'd show him the universe. I figure if we're going to do it, why not do it properly. A real adventure.' He bundled their suitcases through the door, but his lover stopped at the threshold and frowned.

'It's smaller on the outside,' Ianto said, before stepping inside.

The Doctor rushed in after them, bushy eyebrows knitted in confusion. 'Wait, wait, wait. It's smaller on the outside? Nobody says that. I mean, it's just obvious. It's bigger on the inside. That's what you're supposed to say. Everyone knows it's bigger on the inside.'

Jack grabbed the Doctor's arm before he could get any more worked up about it. 'I know. I've lived here.'

The Doctor pointed emphatically. 'But he hasn't!'

Ianto looked up and around at the main interior, taking it all in with the patience of a casual observer. 'You know, this whole room is a giant circle, but the exterior is square. Doesn't that get confusing for the TARDIS trying to work out how to fit a round shape into a square hole?'

The Doctor looked around and paused. 'You're right. It is round. Again! Nobody says that. Nobody's even noticed. Even I didn't notice! What's wrong with you that you keep coming up with obvious statements all the time?'

'Doctor…' There was a warning tone in Jack's voice. 'Be nice.'

'No. That's not how this is supposed to work. You're not meant to be clever. I'm the clever one. You're just meant to stand there and be in awe of how clever I am.'

'Hey, just because my Ianto is uncommon doesn't mean you need to get all flustered about it. So what if it's smaller on the outside and it's a round peg in a square hole? It's still pretty darn cool.'

The Doctor watched Ianto carefully circumnavigate the room, taking it all in whilst doing the polite thing by not touching anything. 'Where on Earth did you find him?'

Jack grinned. 'Cardiff.'

The Doctor pulled a face. 'But they talk funny there and they don't use vowels.'

'We don't need vowels!' Ianto called back, having overheard them talking about him.

Jack gripped the Doctor by the shoulders. 'You two are going to get along just great.'

'That remains to be seen. I barely know how to put up with you.'

Jack laughed. 'Oh, Doctor, you haven't changed one bit. I've missed you too.' He pulled away and went to collect his lover, taking him by the hand. 'C'mon, Ianto. Let me show you our digs. I hope she kept my posters.'

'No hanky panky!' The Doctor yelled back at the pair of them as they disappeared down that hallway. 'Last couple I had in here gave birth to a bloody Time Lord.' Heavens knew what kind of offspring someone like Jack might produce. The universe really was in trouble.