Fandomweekly Challenge 107 - In this life
Jul. 9th, 2022 04:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
m_findlowTitle: In this life
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: Spoilers for Miracle Day, though this is a Miracle Day AU.
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Summary: Now that he's able to die, Jack believes there's finally a way to make the pain stop.
Jack woke, confused and in agony. The room was dark and he was lying on a hard, cold floor with his coat covering him and something bunched up under his head for a makeshift pillow. His last recollections had been bleeding and passing out in the back of a car, having been shot. Him and Esther on the run again.
He cracked open an eye and found Ianto hovering next to him. 'I'm dying,' Jack croaked.
'You're not dying, you're just… in a bad way. You were shot, after all.'
Jack grimaced, lying uncomfortably on his side, his left arm numb and his face cold and clammy. 'You're right. Dying usually doesn't last this long or hurt nearly so much.'
'Don't move,' Ianto told him as he squirmed to sit up so he could look at Ianto more easily. 'The bullet's still in there. You'll only make things worse.'
Jack slumped back against the hard floor. 'Where are we?'
'I believe the sign outside said RadioShack, though I doubt they've sold any for a while. It's completely stripped bare, which is probably why the shop was empty and abandoned. As good a bolt hole as any to hide a Category One patient. Not that you are,' he quickly added, reminding Jack that he was very much still alive. 'Esther's gone to get medical supplies and hopefully something for the pain.'
'She left me here alone?'
'You're not alone though, are you?'
No, he wasn't. He hadn't been for months. Ianto had shadowed his every footstep since returning to Earth. He just hadn't told anyone. He didn't need them thinking he was still grieving the loss so badly that his mind had conjured up a walking, talking effigy to keep him company.
'I would have stepped in front and taken that bullet if I could,' Ianto told him.
'I know.' That was Ianto through and through, ready to sacrifice his own life for Jack's even if he only had the one life to give. It was the kind of selfless act Jack wished he could aspire to. He'd thrown himself into danger a thousand times but had always done so knowing it wasn't the end for him. He'd just come back to life and carry on.
'I think this is the one, Ianto,' he said. 'No more passing go and collecting two hundred dollars.'
'It's not,' Ianto replied, rather short and angry as he said it then he calmed. 'I imagine this isn't the first time you've been shot.'
Jack chuckled and it hurt. 'Oh, yeah. Been there, done that more than once. Most people tend to go for the head, though. Suzie did it once. So did you if I remember correctly.'
Ianto grimaced at that. 'You might have been converted into one of those sleeper cell aliens from Cell 114. It was the only way to be sure.'
Jack took a slow breath, feeling the way his torse ached from the motion of stretching his diaphragm. No wonder gunshot victims stuck to short, shallow breathing. It hurt like hell.
'Don't touch it,' Ianto told him as he moved a hand over the damp, bloody mess. 'We've only just gotten it to stop. Or at least slow. Don't you dare interfere and bleed out on me now.'
Jack felt suitably chastised. How Ianto even knew he was touching it as he lay there with his greatcoat draped over him. 'I was shot through the heart,' he said. 'Ellis Island, 1892. Pub brawl gone awry and I wasn't even part of it, just sitting there drinking and minding my own business. First time I died. Second,' he corrected himself. 'First time I came back. Been dying ever since.' He sighed. 'Wish that just once I could die for good.'
'You don't mean that.'
Jack lifted his head in anger. 'I do. Just to have it all done with. To cross over into the endless nothing.'
Ianto's head tipped sideways and a curious look passed over his face. 'How do you know there's nothing?'
'I don't. But every time I've asked someone, it's always the same. There's nothing. This is it. This one life. Owen said there was nothing at all on the other side.'
'Yeah, well what would Owen know?' Ianto said teasingly.
He looked up at Ianto as he sat there cross-legged next to him. 'What did you see?'
'I don't think I've been that far to know myself. I died. I don't remember anything after that, but then I was just here, and I knew that you needed me. I might not be flesh and bone, but it's me. If that's not proof there's something more beyond death then I don't know what is.' He paused. 'I can't promise there's pearly gates and a reunion with everyone you've ever known, but…' He didn't say any more, as if he wasn't sure that there truly was nothing beyond this world.
'I wanted to die that day I lost you. I didn't want to come back and find you weren't there. Where you go, I go. Maybe I have to die to make that happen. Maybe I can will myself to do it if I want it badly enough.'
Ianto shook his head. 'That's not how this works. You have much more to give the world alive than dead. This place needs you.'
'I need you,' Jack said, no longer ashamed of how weak that sounded.
Ianto uncrossed his legs and lay down on the floor next to Jack. He was so close their noses were almost touching and Jack imagined he could feel Ianto's warm breath ghosting over his upper lip. 'I'm here. For as long as you need me.'
Jack let his eyes slip shut as the pain receded slightly for the first time. Perhaps he wasn't dying and there'd be no happy reunion with his lover in the afterlife, but as living went, he supposed that for now this wasn't a bad compromise.
Jack woke, confused and in agony. The room was dark and he was lying on a hard, cold floor with his coat covering him and something bunched up under his head for a makeshift pillow. His last recollections had been bleeding and passing out in the back of a car, having been shot. Him and Esther on the run again.
He cracked open an eye and found Ianto hovering next to him. 'I'm dying,' Jack croaked.
'You're not dying, you're just… in a bad way. You were shot, after all.'
Jack grimaced, lying uncomfortably on his side, his left arm numb and his face cold and clammy. 'You're right. Dying usually doesn't last this long or hurt nearly so much.'
'Don't move,' Ianto told him as he squirmed to sit up so he could look at Ianto more easily. 'The bullet's still in there. You'll only make things worse.'
Jack slumped back against the hard floor. 'Where are we?'
'I believe the sign outside said RadioShack, though I doubt they've sold any for a while. It's completely stripped bare, which is probably why the shop was empty and abandoned. As good a bolt hole as any to hide a Category One patient. Not that you are,' he quickly added, reminding Jack that he was very much still alive. 'Esther's gone to get medical supplies and hopefully something for the pain.'
'She left me here alone?'
'You're not alone though, are you?'
No, he wasn't. He hadn't been for months. Ianto had shadowed his every footstep since returning to Earth. He just hadn't told anyone. He didn't need them thinking he was still grieving the loss so badly that his mind had conjured up a walking, talking effigy to keep him company.
'I would have stepped in front and taken that bullet if I could,' Ianto told him.
'I know.' That was Ianto through and through, ready to sacrifice his own life for Jack's even if he only had the one life to give. It was the kind of selfless act Jack wished he could aspire to. He'd thrown himself into danger a thousand times but had always done so knowing it wasn't the end for him. He'd just come back to life and carry on.
'I think this is the one, Ianto,' he said. 'No more passing go and collecting two hundred dollars.'
'It's not,' Ianto replied, rather short and angry as he said it then he calmed. 'I imagine this isn't the first time you've been shot.'
Jack chuckled and it hurt. 'Oh, yeah. Been there, done that more than once. Most people tend to go for the head, though. Suzie did it once. So did you if I remember correctly.'
Ianto grimaced at that. 'You might have been converted into one of those sleeper cell aliens from Cell 114. It was the only way to be sure.'
Jack took a slow breath, feeling the way his torse ached from the motion of stretching his diaphragm. No wonder gunshot victims stuck to short, shallow breathing. It hurt like hell.
'Don't touch it,' Ianto told him as he moved a hand over the damp, bloody mess. 'We've only just gotten it to stop. Or at least slow. Don't you dare interfere and bleed out on me now.'
Jack felt suitably chastised. How Ianto even knew he was touching it as he lay there with his greatcoat draped over him. 'I was shot through the heart,' he said. 'Ellis Island, 1892. Pub brawl gone awry and I wasn't even part of it, just sitting there drinking and minding my own business. First time I died. Second,' he corrected himself. 'First time I came back. Been dying ever since.' He sighed. 'Wish that just once I could die for good.'
'You don't mean that.'
Jack lifted his head in anger. 'I do. Just to have it all done with. To cross over into the endless nothing.'
Ianto's head tipped sideways and a curious look passed over his face. 'How do you know there's nothing?'
'I don't. But every time I've asked someone, it's always the same. There's nothing. This is it. This one life. Owen said there was nothing at all on the other side.'
'Yeah, well what would Owen know?' Ianto said teasingly.
He looked up at Ianto as he sat there cross-legged next to him. 'What did you see?'
'I don't think I've been that far to know myself. I died. I don't remember anything after that, but then I was just here, and I knew that you needed me. I might not be flesh and bone, but it's me. If that's not proof there's something more beyond death then I don't know what is.' He paused. 'I can't promise there's pearly gates and a reunion with everyone you've ever known, but…' He didn't say any more, as if he wasn't sure that there truly was nothing beyond this world.
'I wanted to die that day I lost you. I didn't want to come back and find you weren't there. Where you go, I go. Maybe I have to die to make that happen. Maybe I can will myself to do it if I want it badly enough.'
Ianto shook his head. 'That's not how this works. You have much more to give the world alive than dead. This place needs you.'
'I need you,' Jack said, no longer ashamed of how weak that sounded.
Ianto uncrossed his legs and lay down on the floor next to Jack. He was so close their noses were almost touching and Jack imagined he could feel Ianto's warm breath ghosting over his upper lip. 'I'm here. For as long as you need me.'
Jack let his eyes slip shut as the pain receded slightly for the first time. Perhaps he wasn't dying and there'd be no happy reunion with his lover in the afterlife, but as living went, he supposed that for now this wasn't a bad compromise.
