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m_findlowTitle: Somebody to love
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Tosh, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes:
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Tosh, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes:
Author notes: Written for Challenge 234 - Comfort at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomweekly
fandomweeklySummary: Tosh is feeling low and sworn off ever letting herself fall in love again.
Toshiko wasn’t expecting any visitors this evening. Not anymore. It wasn’t like it had been these past two weeks, hoping and knowing that there would be someone on the other side of the door, waiting to see her. Wanting to be with her.
That was new. She’d been out of any kind of relationship for years now, never finding the time to get out and have a life, never signing herself up for an online dating service, never even going to one of those speed dating nights which were hosted at local pubs. Because that was what busy people did who were still looking for romance even though they seemingly couldn’t find the time for it. How they ever expected to turn their busy lives around enough to make time for another person was the great mystery, and one she hadn’t bothered to ponder for a long time.
Tosh was simply single; if not happily so, preoccupied enough that it didn't bubble to the surface long enough for her to contemplate doing anything differently. She was busier than most, with a job that kept no normal hours, and on the whole, was about as far from normal as anyone could get. There was also the small matter of keeping that job secret. Nobody at work was in a serious relationship so the question of full disclosure never came up. Sure, they all dated or had flings – she was fairly certain even her boss Jack was, if not on the dating scene, at least getting other needs met on a regular basis – but Tosh was the exception that proved the rule. It was possible to have the job and nothing else in your life.
At least that's what she’d become comfortable with. Besides, finding someone she could talk to about the complicated things that her job entailed would be a hard person to find. Even her coworkers didn’t understand most of what she said, and were simply being polite about it.
Mary had brought something new into her life. She was vibrant and clever and far more street smart than Toshiko. She boasted a confidence that Tosh had never possessed, yet Tosh found herself drawn to the woman, and Mary seemed genuinely fascinated with her life and her work. Tosh had never even considered her own sexuality before, but with Mary things just seemed to click. Her being a woman didn't make it awkward or strange. It just was, and for a few short days Tosh had been happy.
Of course it would have to be an alien, wouldn’t it? she thought as she padded down the hallway towards the knocking at the door. Story of her life to finally meet someone nice who cared about her only to have them double cross her and to have her colleagues “deal” with her. It didn’t stop her from clutching to the brief hope that somehow Jack hadn’t transported her to the middle of the sun to die, and that on the other side of that door, she might be standing there, safe and whole, smiling and ready to kiss her.
There was no Mary at the door. Funny how comforting logic was at a time like this. ‘Ianto,’ she said, seeing her quietest coworker standing in her doorway. ‘What are you doing here?’ Then she put two and two together and inwardly chastised herself for her own naivete once more. ‘Jack sent you to check up on me, didn’t he?’
Ianto shuffled from one foot to the other. ‘He might have strongly suggested it. But I would have come anyway.’
She let him in, knowing it was rude to do anything else. ‘I'm fine, really,’ she said as he followed her through the neat apartment. She’d already packed up any evidence of mess that had come from having Mary spending her nights here tangled up in her bedsheets, though she couldn’t do anything to remove the lingering scent of cigarette smoke. Maybe in time she’d stop noticing it.
‘Can I make you some tea?’ Ianto offered, unperturbed that the host usually offered drinks.
‘That box of French rose and vanilla you bought me last Christmas is up on the top shelf,’ Tosh replied.
‘Wouldn't you rather save that for a special occasion?’ They both knew it was imported and cost a bloody fortune.
‘I think I'm past special occasions, don't you?’ she asked, slumping down onto a stool at the island bench.
He shrugged and took down the box, undoing the pristine plastic shrink wrap and opening it up, before scooping in three generous teaspoons into a plain white teapot, waiting for the kettle to boil.
‘I heard thoughts I didn't have a right to,’ she blurted out before Ianto could speak. The pendant Mary had gifted her had allowed her to hear the innermost thoughts of everyone around her. Gwen and Owen were having a fling, though why should that surprise her, but Ianto was simply in pain. He'd lost the love of his life and was putting on a brave face for their sakes, which only made Tosh feel that much guiltier about falling in love.
‘I know,’ he replied, tipping the water into the pot. She’d already debriefed with him earlier, but it didn't make it any easier. ‘But we were both in love with someone who wasn’t who we thought they were. They manipulated us and we hurt because we would have done anything for them, not because they’re dead.’
A sob escaped her from nowhere. ‘I just thought maybe someone finally thought I was special.’ Tears began to drip down her face as the pain of rejection settled in her chest.
Ianto rounded the kitchen island and hugged her, something she’d never expected from the quiet man. ‘You’re special to us, Tosh. No matter what the voices inside us say. Maybe it's not romantic love, but it is love.’
She held him and sobbed, the scent of vanilla and rose making the stale smell of cigarettes disappear.
Toshiko wasn’t expecting any visitors this evening. Not anymore. It wasn’t like it had been these past two weeks, hoping and knowing that there would be someone on the other side of the door, waiting to see her. Wanting to be with her.
That was new. She’d been out of any kind of relationship for years now, never finding the time to get out and have a life, never signing herself up for an online dating service, never even going to one of those speed dating nights which were hosted at local pubs. Because that was what busy people did who were still looking for romance even though they seemingly couldn’t find the time for it. How they ever expected to turn their busy lives around enough to make time for another person was the great mystery, and one she hadn’t bothered to ponder for a long time.
Tosh was simply single; if not happily so, preoccupied enough that it didn't bubble to the surface long enough for her to contemplate doing anything differently. She was busier than most, with a job that kept no normal hours, and on the whole, was about as far from normal as anyone could get. There was also the small matter of keeping that job secret. Nobody at work was in a serious relationship so the question of full disclosure never came up. Sure, they all dated or had flings – she was fairly certain even her boss Jack was, if not on the dating scene, at least getting other needs met on a regular basis – but Tosh was the exception that proved the rule. It was possible to have the job and nothing else in your life.
At least that's what she’d become comfortable with. Besides, finding someone she could talk to about the complicated things that her job entailed would be a hard person to find. Even her coworkers didn’t understand most of what she said, and were simply being polite about it.
Mary had brought something new into her life. She was vibrant and clever and far more street smart than Toshiko. She boasted a confidence that Tosh had never possessed, yet Tosh found herself drawn to the woman, and Mary seemed genuinely fascinated with her life and her work. Tosh had never even considered her own sexuality before, but with Mary things just seemed to click. Her being a woman didn't make it awkward or strange. It just was, and for a few short days Tosh had been happy.
Of course it would have to be an alien, wouldn’t it? she thought as she padded down the hallway towards the knocking at the door. Story of her life to finally meet someone nice who cared about her only to have them double cross her and to have her colleagues “deal” with her. It didn’t stop her from clutching to the brief hope that somehow Jack hadn’t transported her to the middle of the sun to die, and that on the other side of that door, she might be standing there, safe and whole, smiling and ready to kiss her.
There was no Mary at the door. Funny how comforting logic was at a time like this. ‘Ianto,’ she said, seeing her quietest coworker standing in her doorway. ‘What are you doing here?’ Then she put two and two together and inwardly chastised herself for her own naivete once more. ‘Jack sent you to check up on me, didn’t he?’
Ianto shuffled from one foot to the other. ‘He might have strongly suggested it. But I would have come anyway.’
She let him in, knowing it was rude to do anything else. ‘I'm fine, really,’ she said as he followed her through the neat apartment. She’d already packed up any evidence of mess that had come from having Mary spending her nights here tangled up in her bedsheets, though she couldn’t do anything to remove the lingering scent of cigarette smoke. Maybe in time she’d stop noticing it.
‘Can I make you some tea?’ Ianto offered, unperturbed that the host usually offered drinks.
‘That box of French rose and vanilla you bought me last Christmas is up on the top shelf,’ Tosh replied.
‘Wouldn't you rather save that for a special occasion?’ They both knew it was imported and cost a bloody fortune.
‘I think I'm past special occasions, don't you?’ she asked, slumping down onto a stool at the island bench.
He shrugged and took down the box, undoing the pristine plastic shrink wrap and opening it up, before scooping in three generous teaspoons into a plain white teapot, waiting for the kettle to boil.
‘I heard thoughts I didn't have a right to,’ she blurted out before Ianto could speak. The pendant Mary had gifted her had allowed her to hear the innermost thoughts of everyone around her. Gwen and Owen were having a fling, though why should that surprise her, but Ianto was simply in pain. He'd lost the love of his life and was putting on a brave face for their sakes, which only made Tosh feel that much guiltier about falling in love.
‘I know,’ he replied, tipping the water into the pot. She’d already debriefed with him earlier, but it didn't make it any easier. ‘But we were both in love with someone who wasn’t who we thought they were. They manipulated us and we hurt because we would have done anything for them, not because they’re dead.’
A sob escaped her from nowhere. ‘I just thought maybe someone finally thought I was special.’ Tears began to drip down her face as the pain of rejection settled in her chest.
Ianto rounded the kitchen island and hugged her, something she’d never expected from the quiet man. ‘You’re special to us, Tosh. No matter what the voices inside us say. Maybe it's not romantic love, but it is love.’
She held him and sobbed, the scent of vanilla and rose making the stale smell of cigarettes disappear.
