Torchwood: Fanfic: Risking it all

[m_findlow]

Title: Risking it all
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Torchwood team
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,233 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for eggplantlady's prompt "any, any, risking life and limb" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack is never going to get used to his team putting it all on the line

He was angry at Gwen for defying his authority.

Rules were in place to protect people, and Rhys shouldn’t have been left to remember what had happened at the warehouse.

Moreover though, he was angry at himself.

He’d let Rhys get involved when Gwen had wanted him out of the picture, and out of harm’s way. It was Gwen who’d wanted to be there to protect him despite everything. And Jack had been the one to say that they’d both have to live with their decision.

He’d told Gwen that she loved Rhys, and that made her vulnerable. He almost choked the words out and tried not to make eye contact with Ianto. He didn’t want it to be any more of a cheap shot than was strictly necessary. He didn’t need Gwen to point out the irony to him. And besides, that was different. Ianto had chosen to work for Torchwood, chosen to take on the risks, and he was more than capable of handling himself. He loved Ianto, but putting him on the front line was the choice they’d both made themselves long ago. Jack pretending that Ianto wasn’t a vulnerability for him only proved how much he cared. He couldn’t box up those feelings, but he could control them if need be. He couldn’t stop Ianto, but he could stop Rhys if he wanted.

It hadn’t been easy watching Dale stand over him, gun poised, and waiting for the inevitability of the shot that would claim his life. The confusion that followed masked the relief he felt as the gun clicked on empty, sparing his lover’s life. There hadn’t been time to think it over, so much was still at stake.

Now in the aftermath it had all come crumbling down on him.

That he was mad now at Gwen for wanting to praise and preserve her lover’s bravery only confirmed what horrid double standards he was using. Ianto had stood by him, as expected, but something in his demeanour suggested that perhaps he didn’t necessarily disagree with Gwen either. It had been a tough day all round and none of them was really up for a proper argument, except for Jack and Gwen it seemed.

Watching Gwen and Rhys stroll across the Plass in the afternoon sunshine, had left him feeling tortured. Ianto had given him a wide berth in the process, though the thoughts of how close it had come were probably playing on his mind also. It wasn’t jealousy for Gwen’s attentions, it was the frustration that came with wanting to let her have her way, when in anyone else’s case the answer would have been no. And with all of that vying for prominence, it hadn’t left time to contemplate his own lover’s fate.

He suddenly wanted to put Gwen out of his mind. She certainly wasn't thinking of him right now and there were other more pressing fences to mend.

Making his way down to the archives he found Ianto bent over his desk, making notes into a ledger of some kind. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but if the archives were ordered and items able to be located, he was happy to let Ianto have whatever system he liked. He took a moment just to observe the young man. His waistcoat had been rebuttoned, but his shirt sleeves were still rolled up, giving him a casual yet neat appearance.

'Hey,' Ianto greeted, 'did you need something?'

It took Jack a moment to register the question, and a moment longer to respond as he realised he'd been stood there in dumb silence just watching him.

'Ah, no, just thought you must have gone home for the day.'

'Do you usually come down to the archives when you think I've already gone home?' Ianto smirked.

Touche, thought Jack. He hadn't come down here thinking Ianto had gone home, he'd come down here hoping Ianto hadn't.

'Hell of a day,' Jack commented, knowing how inadequate a statement that was.

'Yup,' Ianto agreed, not sure where the conversation was headed. Jack was acting strange. Could it be that Jack was disappointed with him and was going to take him off field duties?

'Ianto, I,' Jack paused. Whatever he'd thought of saying next, it suddenly seemed that the words would never be enough. Words could mean whatever you wanted them to, and too often he'd mislead people with words. Instead he did the only other thing he could think of. He stepped forward and hugged Ianto tightly.

In that moment Ianto knew why Jack had come here, and hugged him back.

Like Jack, he'd needed some time and space of his own to process the day's events. He'd never really been in any doubt that one day it was all going to come unstuck for him working for Torchwood. Sometimes though, whole weeks would go by uneventfully, and those thoughts would crawl back into the dark recesses of his mind. It was only on days like today that it all came back to him in sharp relief that this job really would kill him one day. If anything, in thinking over what had happened, it all felt a little bit anticlimactic. It wasn't being eaten by an alien or zapped by some alien weapon or blown up by an alien bomb. No, it was just an ordinary bloke with an ordinary gun, and an act of total and utter desperation that had nearly done him in.

Still, it didn't matter now as Jack gripped him tightly. Jack's own words from earlier rang through his mind. Vulnerable. That was the admission Jack didn't want to make about them working together in the field. It was easier for Ianto in many respects because he knew that Jack couldn't die. It didn't mean he liked it happening, but it did mean he kept clarity better and didn't take quite as many risks trying to protect Jack at the cost of his own safety. The same couldn't be said when their roles were reversed. Regardless, sometimes instinct took over and any thought for Jack's immortality was ignored. In that way he could relate to Rhys wanting to protect Gwen even when he knew that Gwen's capabilities outweighed his own.

'I'm sorry,' came the muffled words.

Ianto wasn't sure what precisely Jack was apologising for. He suspected it covered a range of things, not least being that he'd failed to protect Ianto. At least, that's how Jack would have viewed it. Ianto would have said he was just doing his job, and that they'd had a bad day at the office, as things went. Risking life and limb went with the territory.

'We got lucky today.' It was an inferior response, he knew.

Jack pulled away. 'And what happens when our luck runs out?' Ianto saw the fear in his expression. It wasn't the first time they'd had a conversation along these lines and it wouldn’t be the last.

'The future's unknown. I don't want to sit here and mourn the unknown when we can be enjoying the present we have right now.'

Jack's features softened. 'When did you become so wise?'

'Someone had to be the wise to your wise-arse,' he quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

Jack chuckled and Ianto was glad for the sound.

'But I do have a very nice arse.'

'Yes you do,' he agreed.

Comments

[bk_forever]

When you love someone, the instinct to protect them just takes over.

I'm glad Ianto understands so much better tan Jack does. He's a realist.