Torchwood: Fanfic: False positive

[m_findlow]

Title: False positive
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 829 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Torchwood, Jack, False positive" at fic_promptly
Summary: A case of mistaken identity lands Jack in hot water

It was a morning for errands. Jack had been halfway across Cardiff and back in the last three hours. Parking the car in Bute Street, he chose to walk the remaining distance to the hub. That's when he caught sight of the familiar figure a few dozen yards in front of him. Sharp suit, red shirt collar and the sexiest arse in Wales.

He trotted up to join him, stopping just a foot behind him, and giving him a playful slap on the bottom.

'Morning gorgeous. Have you been waiting for me for long?'

The young man turned to face him. Only it wasn't Ianto. The man, who had looked so much like him from behind, cut a completely different figure from the front, and the shocked expression on his face shocked Jack equally so.

'Excuse me!' said the irritated man, once he'd overcome his initial shock. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

'Sorry!' Jack apologised, throwing his hands up in surrender. 'I thought you were someone else.'

'And do you often go around hitting other people?'

'Only if they have an amazing arse,' Jack replied, laughing. His usual charms however fell flat on this particular man.

'You can't just go around slapping whoever you like! People have rights! I'm a barrister for God's sake! I should have you charged with assault.'

'Hey, it was an honest mistake,' Jack pleaded. 'No hard feelings.' He offered a handshake as an apology but the offer was rebuffed. It seemed his comments were wasted as the young man was already flagging down a local policeman wandering the beat.

'Officer, I'd like you to charge this man. He physically assaulted me.'

'Oh come on,' Jack moaned, 'A pat on the arse is hardly assault! It was a case of mistaken identity. No big deal.'

Despite his protests, the officer had to take the claim at face value, and Jack found himself being cuffed and escorted into the officer's patrol car. This wasn't how he'd planned his morning to go, he thought, as his head was being carefully pushed under the doorway into the back passenger seat.

After three hours tucked up in a quiet cell, having had himself photographed, fingerprinted, and his identity confirmed, even his Torchwood credentials were insufficient to get him out of this situation. The police took any assault charge seriously, and there was very little Jack could do to convince them that this had a sufficient nexus with saving the world from alien threats. The only thing left for him to do was to make his one phone call to the one person who could get him out of this jolly mess. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the lock clanked with the sound of keys.

'You're free to go,' said the officer. 'The complainant has agreed to drop the charge.'

Jack tried not to look smug at his emancipation in front of the policeman. The last thing he needed was another fruitless charge against his name and an overnight stay at Her Majesty's pleasure.

Halfway down the hall was Ianto, sharp suit, red shirt collar, filling out paperwork from the pedestrian side of the main police counter.

'Boy, I'm glad to see you!' Jack greeted him. 'What magic did you work to bust me out of the slammer?'

'A long chat with your new friend,' Ianto explained. 'I convinced him that you suffer from a condition that prediposes you to acts of open flirtation. Not entirely a lie, I'm sure you'll agree. He was also prepared to admit that you may have accidentally mistaken him for someone else. Let's just say my wardrobe went a long way to convincing him on that point.'

Jack leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, huffing loudly.

'Sometimes I hate the twenty first century. Why do people have a problem with being gay?'

'I don't think your being gay was his issue.'

'What makes you say that?'

Ianto blushed slightly, but said nothing. Jack caught the awkward look.

'What?' he asked, knowing there was more to Ianto's reticence than sparing Jack's feelings.

'He offered me his phone number.'

Jack felt affronted. Just as he heaved in a breath to let his feelings be known, Ianto cut him off.

'Can we just focus on what's important, here?'

'Oh yeah,' Jack replied, taking a long glance at the fine cut of Ianto's trousers. 'Let not this incident be a total waste of time.'

His viewing was interrupted by the young barrister sauntering past them, paperwork finalised, and barely sparing Jack a glance as he strutted past, but casting a somewhat wistful look in Ianto's direction, which Ianto quickly turned away from, turning a shade of red that his shirt would have envied. Jack watched his figure all the way down the hall until he pushed open the front doors and disappeared into the street.

'I take it all back. His arse isn't a patch on yours.'

'I'm so pleased,' Ianto replied dryly.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Apparently Jack just met the only person on Earth who thinks Jack isn't his type. Although he did have the good taste to be attracted to Ianto, so the barrister's not completely lacking in sense.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

Lol, I think that list is actually longer than Jack's ego could cope with. As much as it might irk him, he can only congratulate the young barrister on having such excellent taste.