Torchwood: Fanfic: Trouble brewing

[m_findlow]

Title: Trouble brewing
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 725 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for paceisthetrick's prompt "Any, any, shades of purple" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack's efforts in the kitchen go pear shaped.

Ianto pointed his finger at Jack in a very officious way. 'I'm never letting you in my kitchen again. Ever.'

'This is so not my fault,' Jack pleaded.

'Oh really,' Ianto huffed, hands on hips. 'And where exactly did you get this crate of fresh vegetables that has you going all Master Chef tonight?'

He knew that as soon as he uttered the words "it came through the rift", that Ianto was going to lose it. He said them anyway, knowing that withholding that salient piece of information would get him in equal amounts of strife.

Jack would have said Ianto's face would have been turning a glorious shade of purple, but, well, it already was. Must've been the onions, Jack thought, remembering the assortment of vegetables. He'd thought that the onions looked a little, well, non-terrestrial. They were close, but he supposed that the tiny nodule on the based did look a little bit funny. And in his own defense he had chopped it off.

He risked another look at his young lover. His face and hands were indeed very purple, a rosy royal purple, he would have said. Jack spared his own hands a look and saw that they too were purple, but not quite the same shade, a little bluer perhaps, more violet. He hadn't seen his face but it would be the same, as would the rest of his body, no doubt.

'How are we supposed to explain this to the others?'

'Relax, we've been in far worse situations than this. This is just a little food allergy, that's all,' Jack said, attempting to downplay the situation.

'A food allergy that could have killed us!'

'Give me some credit,' Jack argued. 'If it had looked deadly do you think I really would have eaten it?'

Ianto seethed and puffed out another breath. He caught his reflection mirrored in the kitchen window. 'I really don't look good in purple', he said, frowning at the reflection.

'Oh, I don't know,' said Jack. 'I could think of worse colours.'

Ianto gave him a look, and then rolled his eyes at his equally purple fiancé. He supposed Jack was right. Green would have been worse. Or orange. And yellow would have been just horrendous.

'So now what? How long will we be stuck like this?' He prayed the answer wasn't forever.

'Let's consult the database and try to find out exactly what it was.'

Twenty minutes of searching pinpointed their alien vegetable table as a Nurtesien Hornbender, so named because it was the hottest onion in the known universe. Their database went on to state that the onion should always be eaten cooked, preferably for not less than thirty quasar minutes, to allow for its peppery flavour to infuse, but that eaten raw, can cause a chemical imbalance on ingestion, breaking down and releasing quantities of lavendium, turning the eater purple. Thus, it most definitely shouldn't have been a key feature in Jack's side salad.

'What does it say about the long terms effects? Presuming there are no other short term effects, that is.'

Jack squinted at the screen a bit harder. Everything was staring to look purple in his vision. When he looked up at Ianto, he noticed that Ianto's irises had also turned a shade of lavender, and his hair was a very dark shade of purple too.

'My hair's purple too, isn't it?' he asked.

'Yup, he replied, seemingly having calmed down a bit, and noting that Ianto hadn't made any comment about his own hair. He consulted the screen again.

'Uh, it says that the lavendium will be slowly excreted through the derma and may react to chemicals in the air, causing it to glow.'

Ianto crossed his arms and looked at Jack, the annoyed expression returning.

'Are you saying that were about to start glowing in the dark as well?'

'Could be.'

'Great.'

'Well, actually, there are some parts that I wouldn't mind being purple and glow in the dark. We do have the whole night off after all.' Jack winked at him and grinned lasciviously. 'Wanna see which bits I'm thinking of?'

'Put your light saber away Jack. Unless you've got some sort of super aphrodisiac type fruit for dessert, you'll be spending the night on the sofa. I'm not sleeping all night next to a human sized bug lamp.'

Comments

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Oh noes -- LOL -- Jack used vegetables that came through the Rift! (Clever premise!) And Ianto's line about Jack's light saber -- brill!

(BTW, that I haven't commented on much of your fic only means that I am way behind in reading -- you are so prolific and I haven't been able to keep up.)

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

You're far too kind. :)

I thing prolific is the wrong word, more like serial obsessive!

Thank you!

[bk_forever]

Oh, go on, Ianto! Glow in the dark Jack could be fun to play with! You'll regret it later if you don't take advantage of the situation. When life gives you onions that turn you purple... Just go with it!