Torchwood: Fanfic: Distracted

[m_findlow]

Title: Distracted
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Torchwood team
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,066 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Torchwood, Jack, a long and tiresome meetng" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack amuses himself during a very important meeting

Ah, coffee. Yum. Essential ingredient for any meeting in my opinion. But wait, where are the biscuits? He's forgotten to bring in the biscuits. That's not like him. Humph. Must be because he's got a bee on his bonnet about this meeting. It's a total waste of time, but since everyone else gets to have their two pennies worth when they want it, I couldn't really say no, could I?

What is that? Is that an agenda he's just set in front of me? Hang on, there's nine bullet points. Nine? Seriously? He said he wanted to cover off on some critical internal policies, not conduct a reading of War and Peace!

Everyone's looking at me. Why are they looking at me? Oh, that's right, they're waiting for me to convene the meeting. Time to do my amazing Captain thing...

'Okay, so Ianto appears to have a couple,' insert cynical cough here, 'of matters to cover off. We should all give him our best attention,' because you don't want to mess with him for several reasons, not the least of which will be the personal repercussions for me.

'Ianto, you have the floor.'

'Thank you, Jack.'

Mmm, back to coffee. Yum. Darn, should've asked about the biscuits first. Oh well, this hopefully shouldn't take long. In any case, it's an excuse to do nothing but stare at that cute little arse, and listen to that dulcet Welsh timbre.

Hey, is that a new tie? I don't remember that from this morning. Silk? I bet it's silk. I also bet it'd feel quite nice strapped around a wrist and a bed post. He should wear more purple. Or nothing. Nothing would be good too. Must work on that naked Tuesday policy; it's just not catching on.

Did I say this wouldn't take too long? Hmm, may need to rethink that. The PowerPoint presentation has just started up. He's got graphs and statistics. Oh dear.

Tosh is giving me a sideward glance. I think she's noticed the naughty pictures I've been drawing on my copy of the agenda. I was trying to making it look like I was taking notes, but I suppose she is sitting closest to me. Hopefully the others haven't noticed.

As much as I love listening to that sexy voice, I'm bored now. There's not been a single instance of innuendo interspersed in anything he's said so far, or at least not in anything I've actually heard. There's just no way to make archiving sexy. Archivists, yes. Archive policies, no.

Owen looks even more annoyed than usual. It feels like we've been here forever. What time is it, anyway? Huh? Eleven thirty? Seriously? Half an hour, that's it? Oi...

I wonder if Ianto ordered lunch before we started this meeting. Hmm, food. Mmm, curry, I could really go a curry. Maybe from that new place we went for dinner last week. That mango chutney and saffron rice was amazing. Man, now I can't get it out of my head. This wouldn't be happening if there'd been biscuits.

He's still talking. Why is he still talking? I don't think he's ever talked this much, ever. Give the man a project and you'll never hear the end of it. Mind you, perhaps if the rest of us actually stuck to that ridiculous policy and returned stuff properly he wouldn't still be lecturing everybody now.

Maybe were stuck in some kind of time loop and none of us have realised it yet. That could explain why we've been here so long. Maybe I should stop the meeting and get Tosh to double check. If we are stuck in a time loop I can think of a lot better things we could be doing right now. Oh okay, maybe not. Ianto's got that look on his face. Uh oh, now he's looking straight at me. It's like he can sense me fantasizing about what we should be doing when he's finished his tirade. Maybe I could show him a few of my pictures as suggestions. Do I look guilty? Does he know I haven't been listening? Probably. I really hope this doesn't come back to bite me later. Perhaps I can distract him somehow. I'm sure there must be a weevil somewhere in the city that needs chasing. Maybe even some victory sex afterwards? Mmm, that would be delicious. Curry would be delicious, too.

Urgh, bless him but he really needs to get over this. Seriously, there's no time for filling out paperwork when the whole planet is in danger of being taken over by a fourteen foot purple slime blob that ejects spears from places I don't even want to think about.

This is turning out to be even worse than most of our meetings. Maybe this is some kind of Ianto Jones style filibuster coup. At least when Tosh or Gwen are whittering on about something, I can play footsies under the table with Ianto, and he appreciates my artwork a lot more than Tosh seems to be. No, wait, I just caught her looking back across at them. Cheeky girl. She's got more spunk underneath that innocent facade than meets the eye.

Wait, has he just finished? Oh, thank the Gods. Wait, what? No, Gwen no! Why are you asking questions? Oh, this is a disaster. Now he's started up again. Good one, Gwen.

Even Owen looks seriously pissed now.

Okay, I think now might be a good time to step in and play boss. If not, I don't think I'm going to be able to guarantee Ianto's safety from Owen's suddenly very sharp looking pen.

'Okay, thank you Ianto. I think we can all agree that you've made some excellent points, and that we should all take more care in adhering to these very important procedures.'

As the others are filing gratefully out of the boardroom, Ianto stops in front of me.

'You didn't listen to a word I said, did you?'

'No. But I'm sure it was all very interesting to someone, er, somewhere.'

He's giving me that slightly vexed look. This could still go either way, yet. Play your cards carefully, Jack.

'Honestly, I've never felt myself actually growing old up until about an hour ago.' Please let that be the right thing to say.

'You're going to have to make this up to me, you know.' Yes!

'Now you're talking my language!'

Comments

[bk_forever]

Poor Ianto, nobody appreciates his carefully detailed procedures for proper archive use. If he just told Jack that people following his rules would mean more time for fun, Jack would would have the whole team learning the procedures by heart and sticking to them on pain of death!