Torchwood: Fanfic: Saturday night fever

[m_findlow]

Title: Saturday night fever
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,775 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for samuraiter's prompt "Any, any, looking for Saturday night fever, getting Saturday night flu" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack and Ianto are in for a wild night out

He didn't think he'd ever feel so grateful for the rift ruining date night. He tried to be accepting and accommodating of Jack's wishes, since Jack almost never complained about his choice of date night activities, but there were some things he just couldn't stomach.

Jack must have had this planned for weeks, but had kept it quiet, which was impressive in itself. He rarely planned anything, but clearly he'd felt a need in order to guilt Ianto into acquiescence this time.

One of the local clubs was having a themed party night and Jack had bought them VIP tickets. Ianto had no objections to parties in general, but when the theme was the seventies, he started to get nervous.

He'd so far managed to rebuff any and all attempts by Jack to get them to do a seventies role play, but he was going to be hard pressed to deny him now.

'This is going to be great,' Jack said, handing him a pile of garments, his costume for the night. Ianto had stockpiled any and all seventies based items from the archives into a hidden crate so that Jack couldn't find them. It included several sets of clothes, and handful of lava lamps, a shaggy rug in lurid shades of pink and yellow, and a complete light up disco floor. These ones didn't look familiar, so he suspected Jack had a personal collection hidden somewhere. After tonight, his task would be to locate it and have it destroyed.

'Are these even clean?' he said, eyeing them suspiciously.

'Of course they're clean.'

'They have that seventies smell,' he said, scrunching his nose.

'How would you know? You weren't even born in the seventies. Now stop complaining and put them on.'

He felt mortified, walking out of their bedroom. The red velveteen pants were skin tight from the knees up and finished somewhere between his navel and his pecs. The accompanying plaid shirt was equally skin-tight, and he didn't even want to think about how many inches the shoes had put on his lean frame, making him look even slimmer in his practically painted on costume.

When he entered the living room, Jack tutted at him in disapproval.

'Who taught you how to dress?'

He spent the next few minutes adjusting everything, pulling the pants higher, earning a squeal as they practically wedged up his arse, fitting a slim white belt around the top, and unbuttoning the top of his shirt several inches down, revealing the tufts of chest hair, fingers curling in it distractedly.

'That's better,' he said, giving Ianto's arse a playful squeeze, enjoying the feel of the fabric.

'I feel like if I move, everything's going to split down the seams.'

'Not until later,' Jack promised. 'Wait here, I'll be back in ten.'

'I don't think I can sit,' he replied, feeling just how snug the pants were.

Jack returned as promised, and to say he looked excited was nothing short of an understatement. His own suit was equally fitted if not more so, in a bright royal blue. The shirt was peach satin and wouldn't have been buttoned any higher than his navel where it met his pants, pulled tight and looking like his chest had burst it open. The same could almost be said about his pants, the front of which left nothing to the imagination, and he noted horribly, looking down, his own weren't any better.

'We look hot,' Jack declared. 'Let's go,' he said, grabbing Ianto's hand.

We look ridiculous, Ianto thought glumly.

He was praying that they could get a park close to the premises so that they could be spared the embarrassment of having to walk far looking the way they did. He didn't have to worry though because halfway there, Jack's vortex manipulator beeped at the same time as his own phone. A rift alert. They were saved.

He turned the vehicle around and began heading back to the hub.

'Where are you going?' Jack asked.

'The hub, of course, so we can change and get our gear.'

'No time. There's guns in the glove box we can use. The signal is coming from the Bute East docks.'

His sudden relief at being saved from death on the dance floor was replaced by the prospect of having to chase down aliens dressed like the Mod Squad.

As soon as he got out of the car he wanted to curse Jack. It was the middle of winter and the way they were dressed gave them absolutely no protection against the freezing night air.

Their quarry wasn't hard to find. It was a giant orange ball with spiky hair and long arms and legs that looked more like tentacles than proper limbs. It was trying to crawl its way across to the water's edge.

Jack identified it immediately as a Gaspinxa, largely harmless but incredibly stupid, putting away his gun. Ianto tried to do the same but the pants were so tight he could barely slip a finger between them and his torso, let alone a gun. In the end he dropped it on the ground, deciding to come back for it later.

Jack wasn't wrong about the Gaspinxa. Stupid it most definitely was, as they tried in vain to coax it towards them, looking at them blankly and poking them with its long furry limbs, before losing interest and crawling back towards the water.

'Don't let it get in the water or we'll never get it out. They're better swimmers than they are on land.'

Jack grabbed one furry limb and Ianto grabbed another, but their combined efforts weren't strong enough to stop it from creeping into the water. Ianto knew that their platformed footwear wasn't helping matters. Worst still, it decided to wrap its furry arms around them and pull them in with it so they could play together.

Jack managed to disentangle himself and swim for the edge. Ianto was having less luck, with both his wet clothes and the furry arms clinging tightly to him. The Gaspinxa cooed at him and bobbed him up and down in the water, enjoying having someone to play with.

'I'll be right back!' Jack yelled, running to the SUV, tripping over his bell bottomed pants which were heavy and waterlogged.

Ianto managed to grab hold of a fistful of fur on its main body, keeping himself from getting dunked under again, clambering up one fist at a time, until he was on top of its body/head. It gargled happily, enjoying the feeling as it paddled around in the water, getting a free head massage from his new friend.

'Jack, do something!' he yelled, now stuck right out in the middle of the old dock, a good fifty meters from the dockside itself. He thought he could see Jack dragging the nets across the ground, but it was hard to tell in the dark. He was wet and he was freezing.

'You need to lure it in closer!' Jack yelled back.

'How am I supposed to do that?'

'You'll think of something.'

Great, he thought. Fat lot of good you are. What use is there knowing what it's called if you can't tell me how to capture it?

He felt a wet furry arm reach out of the water and wrap around him. Oh no, he thought, seconds before it pulled him off its head and back into the water. Surprisingly, the water was warmer than the air, but that was all relative, he realised. The creature wanted to play with him.

He managed to sneak out of its grasp and came up for air a few yards away. It came after him, reaching out again to pull him in for a cuddle. He squirmed away again, paddling backwards. This time it just watched him, without moving. It grabbed him again and pulled him under, before letting him go to struggle back to the surface, moving closer.

This time, before it snaffled him, he ducked under the water and swam a few yards before coming up, watching as it paddled after him. Ah ha, he had an idea now.

He spun around, checking which direction the shore was, making sure he was heading in the right direction, before sinking under the water line again, and swimming towards it breaking the surface and letting his new friend chase after him. It worked a couple of times, and sometimes the Gaspinxa would catch him, and he'd have to let it toy with him before escaping again, making sure it didn't lose interest in him. It got harder the further he went as the cold ate away at his energy levels, his arms and legs losing feeling as he tried to paddle closer to the shore.

Eventually he got close enough that Jack was able to throw the net over it. He had tethered the net to the front of the SUV so that he could use the force of the engine to pull the creature out of the water and on to dry land. Both it and Ianto were a sopping bundle of technicolor once they were hauled from the water. Together they tried to squeeze as much excess water from the creature's long fur as they could before trying to get in to the back of the SUV, and by the end, both of them had numb, wet hands.

Back at the hub, they dried it off properly, soaking at least a dozen towels before being satisfied that they could put it in one of the cells overnight until they could figure out what to do with it. Despite the warm blankets and the long, hot shower afterwards, both of them were still shivering and shaking from the cold. They crawled silently into bed and pulled the covers up to their ears, snuggling together for warmth. This was much more his idea of date night, Ianto thought, before falling into an exhausted sleep.

Sniff! The loud sound woke him and he couldn't believe it was morning already. He felt tired and achy and shivery all over.

Sniff! The body next to him was so hot, he pressed himself closer to it, embracing the warmth.

Sniff!

'Jack,' he mumbled, feeling his voice echoing inside his own head.

Jack groaned and sniffed again. 'Oh, I feel like I've been hit by a truck and my nose has sprung a leak.'

Sniff! Yep, Ianto confirmed, his had sprung a leak too.

'I don't think I can get up,' Jack moaned.

'Me either,' Ianto agreed. 'When you said we were getting the Saturday night fever, I don't think this was what you meant.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

I don't care how much Torchwood agents get paid, it's not enough, I won't be applying for a job there. The Gaspinxa is cute though. As long as I don't have to play with it.

Poor boys, all hot and shivery and leaky nosed. *tucks fluffy blankets around them and feeds them chicken soup*