BTBD Challenge 56 - Lost and losing

[m_findlow]

Title: Lost and losing
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Gwen
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 7,618 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 56 - Lost at beattheblackdog
Summary: Everyone is so focused on what they've lost that they forget what they still have.

Jack couldn't understand it, why he felt so suddenly left behind by the rest of his team. It was like time had somehow stopped for him, whilst for everyone else it kept going on, leaving him feeling lost and alone.

He wasn't kidding himself that the others weren't also keenly feeling the loss of their friends and colleagues, and that they too might also be hurting. There'd been a lot of tears and many long hours of nothing but silence as they all sat there, trapped in their own separate worlds of grief, but as the days and weeks stretched on, it seemed as if the dark clouds that had hung over them were slowly clearing. They went on just as they always had, turning up to work everyday, getting on with what had to be done, sharing idle conversation, and even managing to laugh at Jack's jokes when he found sufficient energy for one, even if his heart wasn't really in it. Only he seemed to be stuck in an unending world of hurt. Everyone around him was moving on with their lives, accepting and reconciling death, and forcing themselves to carry on, just as he'd told them to.

The end is where we start from, he'd said, and so they'd taken it to heart, trying in earnest to follow his guidance. So why could he not do the same? He, who'd seen and suffered through more death than anyone who'd ever lived? He'd always managed to grieve and move on before, but now it felt like his feet were tethered to two enormous concrete blocks, weighing him down, arresting his movement.

He'd known that immortality would mean he'd always be left behind when his friends and lovers left this world, but now he felt as if even those who were still alive had somehow left him behind. He should have been coping better than this, and more than that, for the first time in a long time, he should have had someone there to lean on, to support him through the worst of it, and yet his lover had become a stranger to him.

It wasn't Ianto's fault. Jack had tried to be the strong one, and Ianto was naturally quiet and stoic in his own way, so they'd come to some sort of unspoken agreement that mourning was something they'd do alone. Jack had a habit of just disappearing when he felt like it, and Ianto never said a word, letting him go. Now he found that he couldn't come back even if he wanted to, and that even without him, Ianto had found his own way through the darkness and come out the other side, whilst Jack was left floundering, drowning in waves of unending sorrow.

He couldn't say it; couldn't show Ianto how much it still pained him, but he put on a brave face, letting Ianto slip into his bed, letting his tender kisses rain across Jack's skin, and to nuzzle into his shoulder and fall asleep, contented. Jack wished that he could feel the same, though he was no less tender and loving, yet it felt hollow, as if muscle memory was showing him the way, even if his heart couldn't guide him anymore.

 

He hadn't meant to, or perhaps he had, the day the cannister dropped through the rift. He recognised the code on the side of it straight away. Then he noticed the tiny crack at the top. Instinctively, he put his mouth over it and sucked in hard, feeling the bitter tasting gas rippling across his tongue, breathing it in like a drowning man would an oxygen bottle.

Inside were deadly microorganisms. Some of the most deadly ever discovered. The cannister had the familiar logo of an intergalactic research organisation. There would have been enough of the organisms inside to wipe out a whole star system, and now they were inside him.

He didn't bother explaining himself to the others, simply rushing to the SUV and driving off.

When they finally made their own way back to the hub, having hiked two miles to the nearest road to flag down a taxi, Jack had already made his preparations. Not long now, he thought, feeling feverishly hot, yet parched as the desert sands.

'What the hell is going on, Jack?' Gwen demanded, though her voice was shaky, seeing him standing inside one of their isolation rooms.

He leaned against the concrete wall, sliding slowly down it, unable to stay standing. There was a bed nearby, but he didn't think he could make it there no matter how much he wanted it.

'That cannister,' he began slowly, feeling as if his tongue was swollen inside his mouth. 'Deadly microorganisms. They'll stay inside the host until it's dead before moving on. Had to... prevent them... from infecting... either of you.'

'How do we cure you?' Ianto asked, concerned at how weak Jack looked, hardly able to keep his eyes open.

'There's... no cure... Just keep.... the.... place sealed.'

Then Jack crumpled to the ground.

The microbes were efficient, killing him minutes later, but his immortality fought back against them. They seemed to sense the changing conditions, not quite willing to leave his body. As life force slowly seeped back into him, they delighted in it, using it to multiply until his body could no longer fight them off, dying again. It became a vicious cycle, dying over and over again as the organisms grew inside him, yet he was barely aware of it, never healing sufficiently to wake.  

Gwen and Ianto were beside themselves as to what to do. With no cure, they did they only thing they could think of, tracking down the company to whom the cannister belonged. Reluctantly they agreed to send a small team to Earth to assess the situation. The hope was that they'd be able to extract the microbes from Jack's body, but when Gwen and Ianto had suggested this to the lab's chief researcher, he suggested that it was far more constructive of their time to simply up ensure the appropriate quarantine procedures were in place to prevent it spreading.

The team would take several weeks to get their ship all the way to Earth, which was halfway across the other side of the known universe, and rarely visited, due to its lack of interesting subjects to study. Plus, no one was in a rush to study a dead man, no matter how much Gwen insisted he couldn't die.

 

Weeks of waiting felt like a crushing weight on them. The isolation chamber continued to monitor Jack, alternating between signs of the barest traces of life, and alarms ringing indicating that his heart had stopped. After a few days, they turned the alarms off, unable to bear listening to them go off every hour of the night and day, signalling another lost battle.

They took it in turns to check in on him, though nothing ever changed. Jack lay there crumpled and unmoving on the floor just as he had been every day since it had happened, his face ashen and his hair limp and greasy.

Ianto had set up a cot next to the isolation room windows so that they were never far from Jack's side day or night. Yet Torchwood continued on around them, the rift neither acknowledging nor caring that the two of them alone couldn't keep up with it. Even so, there was a distinct change about the place. Reports weren't filed, paperwork piled high on desks until it began to slide off onto the floor. Bits of technology or weapons, phones and ear pieces were left strewn about the hub wherever they were dropped. Coffee became a necessity rather than a pleasure, and a sink full of unwashed mugs attested to that. Meals became nonexistent, as did sleep. Without Jack, the place just fell apart.

 

Gwen staggered exhausted into the hub. If she'd had any energy for it, she would have sworn at the computer as it spat out another rift alert. She didn't even bother sitting down to check it out properly, knowing that she might never get back up. Instead she grabbed the bag that was in her hands and went downstairs.

Ianto was still lying on the cot, watching Jack through the glass.

'Ianto, minor rift alert down by the wetlands,' she said tiredly.

'Don't care,' he mumbled, not even moving, his head leaning against the cool glass. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes, or was that the day before's? She couldn't half tell up from down anymore.

'Come on,' she said, sounding equally unenthusiastic. She needed him to help keep her going just as much. If either of them stopped, they might never get going again. When the hell were those researchers going to arrive? It had been weeks.

'Don't want to,' he replied, sounding like a petulant three year old. 'What's the point?'

It was a good question. She hadn't stopped to ask herself the same because she worried that if she did, she might find the answer was that there wasn't any point, and then she truly would stop altogether.

'Come on, Ianto,' she said gently grabbing his shoulder as he sat up. 'You'll feel better after a shower and a bite to eat. Rhys baked banana loaf,' she said, holding the bag aloft. Rhys had done a lot of that lately, mothering them by supplying them with home cooked food, and doing all their laundry.

'Not hungry.'

'Me neither,' she confessed, sitting next to him. He leaned against her.

'We can't lose him,' he said. 'Every day I wake up and wish Owen and Tosh were here, but they're gone too.'   

Gwen's heart broke over and over. She missed them more than words could say, feeling like she'd lost more than just a friendship, with a big empty hole inside her where there should have been something. Maybe one day it could be replaced with something else, but for now, it just sat there, tearing her apart.

'I know, pet,' she said, giving him a little hug, letting him curl up against her. If felt nice to have someone that close when she was so used to having Jack around, always with a hug, or a touch or a hand on the small of her back, providing reassurance. She closed her eyes just for a moment, but instead letting sleep take her properly for the first time in days.

 

Ianto awoke to find an arm draped over his side. It felt nice, thinking it must be Jack and that everything from the past few weeks had been nothing more than a horrible nightmare. Perhaps he'd wake up and find Owen and Tosh were still here too. Instead, when he cracked open an eye, it was Gwen's arm clutching him against her. Reality came flooding back. He remembered her unintentionally falling asleep against his shoulder. It was just meant to be a hug, but she was just as exhausted as he was. What he didn't remember was falling asleep as well though, the pair of them nestled together on the narrow cot.

There was a faint beeping. He turned around searching for the source of it, realising that must have been what had woken him. Gwen was still asleep so he carefully disentangled himself. The beeping seemed to be coming from inside the isolation unit. Jack was lying there as ever, looking pale and wan, like a corpse. It broke Ianto's heart. In his mind's eye he could still picture Tosh lying there just the same, mourning them both. There was nothing left of Owen for them to cry over, yet that hadn't stopped the tears.

It was Jack's vortex manipulator, Ianto realised, making the sound. It was a warning alarm. The kind that only went off when there was a ship of unknown origin entering their solar system. Just then his own phone started wailing, as did Gwen's, startling her awake.

'What's going on?' she said, pushing herself up off the cot.

'Visitors,' Ianto replied, already consulting the readings. Jack's wrist strap was far more sensitive and attuned to these sorts of signals, thus why it had gone off well before their own hub alarms. 'It's the research vessel,' he added, feeling just a little bit more hopeful than he had for weeks. They were almost here. Surely they'd be able to save Jack.

Reluctantly they both left him and headed upstairs.

 

Disengaging the security protocols that encased the hub, preventing unwanted intrusions, they relayed a message to the vessel that they were safe to teleport down.

'Thank you for coming,' Gwen said, greeting their three guests.

'I'm not quite sure what you expect us to do, Miss Cooper,' replied the first one. 'These microbes are deadly. I don't know how you expect us to be able to extract them from your friend, given his unique condition. Once he's dead the microbes will move from his body, but until then there's not much we can do.'

'Please,' Ianto said. 'You have to help him. He can't die. He'll be stuck like this forever if you don't do something.'

There was something in the quality of his pleading that moved them to try and help them to do something about the situation. They knew that they wouldn't have been called here if it wasn't life or death. The least they could do was to have a look and see if there was anything they could do to help.

Ianto guided them downstairs to the lower level of the hub until he came to the containment unit where they could observe Jack's condition, look at the readings from the output display from the monitors, and draw some of their own conclusions or run tests.

'We might be here for some time,' one of the scientists said.

'That's okay,' Ianto replied. 'Please take your time and do whatever you need to do.'

Feeling reassured, he left them to their duties, heading back upstairs.

 

Upstairs Gwen was fidgeting about the hub, unsure what to do with herself. She'd always hated waiting, being helpless to do anything but sit and be idle. She, like Jack, preferred action. There was something satisfying and productive about being constantly on the move.

'What do you think, Ianto?' she asked.

Ianto carefully placed a new mug of coffee on her desk, settling beside her at his own.

'To be honest, I don't know,' he sighed, still looking despondent despite the newfound hope that he felt earlier when they'd first arrived.

'What if they can't help him, Gwen?'

'Well, we don't know anything for sure yet, so let's just hold onto hope, yeah?'

Ianto saw the look of determination on her face and knew he shouldn't give up yet. This was Jack they were talking about. If anyone was going to survive this, it'd be him.

 

The researchers took a good long time to review the information the Torchwood hub's systems had managed to collect, adding it to their own research on the organisms.

'It may be possible to extract the microbes,' one of them began slowly, not wanting to get too ahead of himself as they reconvened upstairs in the boardroom.

'There is a brief period when he is physically dead. Don't ask me to explain how it's even medically possible that he revives.'

'That's because it isn't a medical thing,' Ianto replied. 'He has time vortex energy running through him that keeps his existence fixed in place. You can't fix it or change it.'

His tone was terse and suggestive that they should move their discussion forward. Like any good scientists, they were interested in Jack at an academic level. Many people over the years had tried to study Jack's unique qualities, and more than a few had taken drastic measures to capture him towards that end. Ianto was equal parts suspicious and protective of anyone who showed too much of an interest. Immortal he might be, but it didn't mean he didn't need protecting from certain people who might not have his best interests at heart. Jack was a person, not something to be studied and dissected.

Gwen sensed the tension rising and interceded.

'What are you suggesting?' she asked.

'The microbes are designed to replicate within the host, utilising its many resources until such time as the host body can no longer sustain itself, resulting in death.'

'Not a very good system,' Ianto muttered.

'Still,' the man cleared his throat and continued on, 'once the host body is no longer of use, the organisms search out a new source of biological material. If we could introduce more genetic material whilst he is in one of his dead phrases,' at which Ianto visibly tensed again, 'the microbes might migrate to the new source. It's a limited window,' he qualified. 'One of the reasons they've survived this long is his ability to regenerate, just sufficiently for them to find no reason to relocate. We need to give them a life source richer than his. '

'So what are you saying?' Gwen asked. 'That we throw a few lab rats in with him to draw the microbes away from him?'

'Lab rats?' one of the scientists inquired, as if he'd never heard of the concept before.

'Mice used as animal test subjects,' Ianto clarified.

'Ah, I see,' he replied. 'No, lab rats, as you call them, will not work. Whilst the microorganisms have infected your friend, they have multiplied to such a quantity that only an organism of similar size and genetic complexity would suffice to potentially lure the entire colony away.'

Gwen watched as Ianto's eyes lit up and she knew precisely what he has thinking, and that there was no way she was going to let it happen.

'Thank you all for your suggestions and research,' she said. 'Might we have some time alone to consider them?'

'Of course.' The three scientists bowed graciously and left the room.

'Gwen, I know what you're going to say,' he said.

'No.'

'Please, just hear me out.'

'No. We already lost Tosh and Owen. I'm not losing you as well,' she said, eyes beginning to glisten.

'Jack can save this planet a thousand times over. His life is worth more than mine.'

'That's not true and you know it. Jack would never forgive us. He's already hurting enough, can't you see it?'

'Of course I see it!' he yelled back, not caring if their visitors outside could hear him. 'You think I like watching him blame himself over and over again? I should have been the one to go to the power station, not Owen. And if I hadn't spent so much time having a go at John, Tosh wouldn't have been up there on her own when Gray shot her.'

'Ianto, it's not your fault,' Gwen pleaded.

'Then whose is it?' He pushed back the chair and stormed out, leaving her there alone.

 

He was nine flights of stairs down into the depths of the hub before he even stopped, kicking out at the wall. Anger had given him a newfound energy he hadn't had for ages.

'Stupid self sacrificing bastard!' he yelled at no one in particular. He was furious with Jack. He'd known exactly what he was doing when he infected himself. He probably thought it was his penance for failing his team. Sodding hell!

Ianto had known Jack was struggling to cope. They all were in their own way, but trying to find a way to reach Jack had become impossible. He'd tried carrying on as normal, treating Jack as if nothing had happened, hoping to coax him out of his reverie. Part of him wanted to be forthright and call Jack out on it, but he found he just couldn't. Jack was teetering on a precipice. One false move and Ianto was afraid he'd lose Jack to self destruction altogether.

He slumped down against the wall, bringing his knees up to his chin, leaning his head back against the wall. Perhaps Gwen was right. What hurt might he cause Jack by sacrificing himself? Bad enough that he worried endlessly about losing them. He'd probably blame himself for this as well. Gwen would never forgive herself either, and the pair of them would probably come to hate one another for it. He didn't want that, but what else could they do?

He wasn't sure how long he'd sat there, staring off into space, when the sound of a low growl came from the other end of the corridor. It was actually less of a growl and more of a keening sound. Janet.

She'd been doing it more often lately, and they'd put it down to one of their newest residents, another weevil they'd called Gnash, and not because he enjoyed county music. He was a nasty piece of work, aggressive and dangerous. So much so, that they'd captured him from the sewers after several discoveries of weevil bodies in the area, brutally wounded and abused, mainly females, and the odd young male. They surmised that he'd become the dominant alpha, but that he was too dangerous even by weevil standards. If he could do that kind of damage to another weevil, he was far too dangerous to let roam.

It had taken all five of them to corral him into a section of sewer where they could use tranquilizer guns to take him down. Even then, Jack had borne the brunt of his anger and rage, giving up more than his pound of flesh in the line of duty. Oddly none of the other weevils gave them any trouble, usually protective of their own. Perhaps it was a sign that they were glad to be rid of him. And a big brute of a thing he was too, taller and heavier built than any weevil they'd ever encountered, teeth and claws always on display, getting use where they could, earning him his namesake.

Janet had immediately shown her displeasure at sharing a cell block with him, so they'd moved her up several levels away from him, yet their telepathic link pervaded, and she was often caught keening low, unhappy at his proximity. He hadn't endeared himself to the team either, and no one wanted to be the one to have to feed him, or muck out the cell. Even Ianto was afraid of him and refused to go near the cell until Owen had let a sedative gas in there for an hour beforehand, knocking him out. Even then, he wouldn't go down there without someone watching his back, just in case Gnash proved too strong even for that.

None of them quite knew what to do with him. He couldn't be let loose, but nor was the prospect of keeping him here permanently helping anyone sleep at night, especially those that slept at the hub. He might break down the cell door with his enormous strength and come murder them in the night.

The more Ianto though about their predicament with Gnash, the more he turned it over in his mind, thinking about what the scientists had said about needing something of similar size and genetic complexity. He didn't know anything about weevil genetics, but on size alone, he was more than suitable.

 

Gwen had thanked the researchers for their efforts so far and made sure that they were comfortable, a job that Ianto would have normally relished. Instead they seemed to sense the turmoil around them and offered to return to their vessel for the moment, until they were needed, promising that they wouldn't leave until Gwen and Ianto had made a decision one way or another on their next course of action.

With the researchers returned to their ship, Gwen felt very alone. She padded down to the isolation room, expecting to find Ianto there, but he wasn't. Wherever he'd gone, he clearly intended being alone, and at least whilst she was here, she knew he wasn't going to try anything stupid. Not that she thought he would, since he was the sort of person who needed to have all the facts before attempting anything, but she was only just beginning to learn how headstrong he really was. Placid and accommodating most of the time, but still there was some of that fiery Welsh blood running deep through those veins, just like it did hers. You just didn't stand between a Welshman and something they cared about.

She perched on the edge of the cot, pressing a hand to the glass, watching Jack's prone form lying there, transitioning from living to dead over and over again. At least he didn't know what was happening to him, she thought gratefully.

'Hey,' she said, as if her could hear her. 'Wish you'd talk some sense into that boyfriend of yours.'

She paused and sucked in a shuddering breath. 'Wish a lot of things, really. I always thought, you know, if we all just stuck together, that nothing bad would happen. And look where that got us.'

She sighed. 'Tell me what to do, Jack. I can't lose anyone else. Not you, not Ianto, not Rhys. It feels like everything's falling apart. I don't want to lead the team, what's left of it. I thought I could, you know, before, when there was all of us, but in the end it was more like we lead as a collective. None of us could be you, Jack; to stand there and make the tough decisions. You can't ask me to do that now. Please.'

'You don't have to,' came the reply, and she turned to find Ianto standing there, leaning against the corridor wall.

'I'm sorry... about earlier,' he apologised. 'I wasn't thinking straight.'

Gwen managed a half smile. 'It's okay. If it were Rhys in there, I don't think I'd be thinking straight either.'

It was probably the first time she'd really acknowledged that there was more to their relationship than just what happened between the sheets. There were so many little signs and telltale hints that she should have picked up on over the last few months. Like so many other things, she hadn't noticed until it was too late.

'I do have a plan, though,' he added.

'So long as it doesn't require someone else going in there.'

He shifted awkwardly. 'Well, I can't promise you that.'

'Ianto, I thought we discussed this?' Gwen said, sounding exasperated.

'And we did. And I agreed that Jack would never forgive us if either of us did, but I wasn't referring to us.'

Gwen frowned, confused as to who Ianto thought was going in there.

'I've got a way that we can kill two birds with one stone, er,' he paused, 'bad analogy.'

'Very,' Gwen agreed, but stood up and squeezed his hand anyway. 'Come on, you can tell me over coffee. I think I might fall over without some caffeine.'

'Likewise,' he said, giving her a tiny smile.

 

Gwen was a little taken aback by the suggestion.

'Isn't that a bit cruel?' she asked, not sure that sacrificing a weevil was any better than sacrificing one of them.

'He'd be heavily sedated, so he wouldn't be in any pain or suffering.'

She supposed that made it a little better. And what were they supposed to do with Gnash anyway? He was too dangerous to let free, too dangerous to keep, and too dangerous to send anywhere else. No one had said it out loud yet but euthanasia seemed like the only humane thing. She supposed this was a euthanasia of sorts.

'Perhaps we should check in with the researchers, make sure this is actually going to work.'

'Agreed,' said Ianto, a little bit of the old him coming back to life at the prospect of a plan that might succeed.

 

The researchers had absolutely no qualms about sacrificing a weevil. For them, this was science, and science required experimentation.

'So what happens, exactly?' Gwen asked, looking at Ianto to put the whole plan together.  

'Whilst Jack is alive, he's a host, and risk of infection is at its lowest. We know roughly how long he can hold on, and how long it takes him to revive. Whilst he's alive and fighting the microbes, we go in and leave Gnash in there. When Jack erm, expires,' God he hated saying that out loud, cringing, 'the organisms should leave his body and go after the weevil. Once he's infected with the colony, we get Jack out of there. Once the weevil is dead, they'll have nowhere else to go. Then those researchers can do whatever it is they do to extract them and contain them.'

Gwen was reasonably happy with the plan, excepting the part where they'd have to go in and do the two body switches. A hazmat suit was all the protection they had whilst the microbes were in transit from one subject to the other. It was still a risk, but one that they were prepared to take.

 

Sedating Gnash wasn't the hardest thing they had to do either. Once the gas had him under, they added two rounds of medical grade anesthesia, enough to take down an elephant. Getting him down to the isolation room was the trickier task. He still weighed well over four hundred pounds, and last time it had taken Ianto, Jack and Owen all of their strength to haul him down there. It was also why when Janet arked up about her new neighbour that they chose to move her instead. A sufficiently good fireman's lift was all it would take to move her.

'Whoever decided that the only access to the cells is via stairs, should be taken out and shot,' Ianto grunted, taking the top end of Gnash whilst Gwen struggled with his legs. As soon as they managed to haul him up the six flights of stairs, he was shoved onto a low trolley, and even that took the pair of them to push.

 

Outside the quarantine zone, the three scientists were waiting for them. One of them handed Gwen a small metal device. It looked a bit like a toaster, and had one of the familiar tubular cannisters attached to its side.

'You'll need to take this in with you. It will extract the microbes from the air once there is no living host to survive inside.'

Despite their own self interest in this plan working out, they weren't prepared to put their own necks out to collect the samples, letting team Torchwood do all the legwork for them. She supposed it wasn't their fault the rift had stolen the cannister in the first place, but nor did she like the idea that those most equipped to deal with it were taking a backseat in events.

She heard Ianto coming down the hall before she looked up to see him, the thick yellow suit shuffling noisily along the hall.

'Gnash is already in the airlock, waiting to be inserted,' he said, referring to the adjoining room that served as a decontamination room between the isolation unit and the rest of the hub. It was where Jack would stay until they were certain that he was given the all clear. Even one microbe could multiply exponentially if it survived.

'How are we for time?' Ianto asked, as one of the scientists reviewed Jack's vital signs.

'His pressure is dropping. You had best move other other creature in there now, or you'll have to wait until Jack next revives and the microbes take control once again.'

Ianto wasn't hanging around that long. He'd had quite enough of Jack's deaths for a lifetime.

'Be careful in there, yeah?' Gwen said, looking anxious.

'Always,' Ianto promised.

He quickly stepped inside the airlock, pressing the button on the entry door to seal it, before walking across the room to the other door and activating it, letting it hiss open. He stood at the end of the trolley and with a great deal of effort managed to slowly sweep it inside pairing it right next to Jack's body.

'Pulse is dropping below twenty,' he heard the voice in his ear.

'Ianto get out of there now,' Gwen ordered. 'We have no idea if that suit will hold.'

Ianto paced back away from the pair of them, reluctantly sealing himself back inside the airlock to wait.

'Pulse has stopped,' the scientists reported, and Ianto felt his heart drop into his stomach. He'd watched it happen dozens of times on the monitors, but hearing it happening was somehow worse. He could see Gwen standing on the opposite side of the unit, staring through the windows from the other side, running a worried hand through her hair.

The wait for signs that the microorganisms were migrating was inexorable. It was only when the core temperature for the weevil began to rise, that they could be certain that the microbes were on the move.

'How much longer?' Ianto asked impatiently. He wanted Jack out of there. Only when the weevil showed significant signs of infection did they allow Ianto back inside.

Jack's death window left them with plenty of time to move Jack out of the room, but Ianto took mere seconds, almost running the few yards, picking up Jack's frail figure and dragging him back to the airlock.

The longer they'd monitored his condition, the longer they'd noted that it took him to revive, as if the organisms had gained a foothold, causing more unseen damage to his body, the longer they stayed there.

The wait in quarantine took hours, with Ianto gently stroking Jack's hair through the thick awkward gloves. He didn't care. It was the closest they'd been for weeks. Inside the unit, the microbes slowly ravaged Gnash's body until he finally gave up the fight he didn't even know he'd been battling. Ianto and Gwen felt somewhat sorry for the poor creature. Mean and nasty as he'd been, his final act had been a noble one.

Finally, the scientists reviewed the atmospheric data, along with tests of Ianto's own blood, plus the samples he'd taken from Jack, who had only just revived but was still unconscious, giving them the all clear. Inside the isolation unit, the extractor device continued to run, absorbing the microbes from the air as they left the dead weevil's body. It would take several more hours to contain them all, so they left the researchers to their task, whilst Gwen and Ianto carefully helped to carry Jack to a nearby infirmary room, tucking him gently into the soft bedsheets, letting him rest and recuperate.

 

It was two more days that Jack remained unconscious, his body taking its time to adjust to not being infected, slowly repairing all the damage that had been done in the last month and a half.

The research vessel had left the day before, having gotten what they'd come for, leaving them alone once again. As grateful as they were, there was also a small amount of relief to have them gone, their fascination with Jack's abilities a little more than either of them felt comfortable about.

 

When Jack cracked open an eyelid, he wasn't sure where he was. He felt so weak he couldn't move. Then he remembered the cannister and what he'd done. Why was he alive? How? He didn't deserve it, he remembered that too. He'd let his team down once before and he wouldn't do it again. He'd die a hundred thousand times if he thought it could make a difference. He'd already done that in the hopes that he could make things right with Gray, but it hadn't been enough. It would never be enough.

There was a sensation in his hand, a warmth. He tried to look down at it and trace it up to the arm that was attached and the man sitting in the chair next to him, eyes closed.

'Ianto,' he tried to croak out, but his throat was dry as dust, and his tongue felt glued to the roof of his mouth. It was barely a whisper but he repeated it over and over again, trying to get his attention. With all his remaining strength he squeezed the hand holding his, and even then it was feather light, barely a twitch. Still, it was just enough as he hoarsely spoke Ianto's name again.

Ianto gasped as the tired blue eyes looked up at him. He squeezed Jack's hand and smiled.

'Gwen,' he said, and Jack noticed for the first time Gwen curled up in a chair on the other side of the bed, dozing.

'Oh my God,' she said, waking and smiling, leaning over to kiss his hair, tears glistening in her eyes.  

'Water,' Jack croaked.

Ianto held a cup, whilst Gwen helped him to sit up a little. He tried to grasp the straw but his lips were so parched he couldn't purse them.

Ianto got up and retrieved a flannel, soaking it in cool water before brushing Jack's lips with it, removing the dried cracked feeling, and squeezing a few drops of water onto his tongue. Afterwards he was able to get a better purchase on the straw and sipped gratefully.

'Just a little. Don't overdo it,' Ianto told him.

When did he ever overdo things? he felt like saying, but knew he wouldn't be able to get the words out.

Ianto stroked his face and Jack could sense Gwen beaming at him. He was too tired to give either thought much value, still unsure how he was even alive, letting himself drift back asleep.

 

When he woke again, Gwen was pottering about by his bed. When she saw that he was awake again, she came over and gave him another kiss in the cheek for good measure.

'Hey you,' she said. 'You had us worried there for a while.' She offered him another sip of water and helped him sit up.

'Where's Ianto?' he said, not recognising the rasping sound of his own voice.

'Rift retrieval down at City Hall. Nothing dangerous, but the mayor was quite insistent, so you're stuck with me for the moment.'

'Could be worse,' he croaked, before coughing. 'What happened?'

She perched herself on the edge of the bed, fingering the edge of the crisp white sheet.

'We got in touch with that research company. They came here and devised a way to remove the microorganisms from your body. Well, actually, it was Ianto that came up with the idea, I suppose.'

'Good old Ianto,' Jack said. The man never gave up on anything, him least of all.  

Gwen reached across and brushed Jack's hair out of his face. It had grown a bit long in all the time that had passed.

'Jack,' she began slowly. 'I know why you did it, but I get the feeling it wasn't just about saving the world, or us. A little part if you wanted it, didn't it?'

Jack sighed. 'I've died a thousand times, Gwen, and none of it means anything. Every day I have to watch you put your lives in danger knowing that you only get this one chance at life. I didn't want to watch any more good people die because of me.'

'What happened wasn't your fault, Jack. I know he was your brother, but it was Gray who did those horrible things, not you.'

'He wouldn't have been like that if I'd kept him safe like I was supposed to.' He'd never forgive himself for letting go of Gray's hand, even less so knowing what had become of him.

'And if it wasn't Gray, it would have been someone or something else. You and I both know that,' she replied.

'We chose to do this job because it's worth doing. We're not so stupid as to think it's not dangerous and mad, but it's brilliant and wondrous and beautiful as well. I wouldn't trade that for anything. None of us would. You can't do this job alone, Jack. You need us, and we need you. We're not going anywhere.'

'And you'll have to retcon us back to teenagers if you think you're getting rid of us any other way,' Ianto added, stepping through the doorway.

Jack gave a weary smile. He loved them both so much he didn't think he could let them go even if he wanted to.

'A weevil gave its life to save you,' Ianto said. 'We didn't think you'd mind since it took a large chunk of your shoulder the first time you met. Consider it payment in kind.'

'Saved by a weevil. Now I've heard everything,' Jack chuckled. He frowned seeing Ianto properly as he approached.

'Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

Ianto grinned, pulling the small fluffy pink object out from his jacket, where he'd been clutching it.

'Latest visitor to Cardiff,' he said, extracting the Grimble. About the size of a large grapefruit with four tiny little legs which were all but invisible underneath the dense pink fur, it looked more like half of a set of fluffy car dice.

'Aw,' Gwen cooed, 'it's so cute,' reaching out to scratch its head.

'Cuter than me?' Jack complained.

'Not quite,' Ianto grinned, leaning over to give Jack a placating kiss. It lasted quite a bit longer than he'd intended, Jack having found some hidden reserve of energy, pulling Ianto down by the neck, not letting him go until Gwen coughed loudly.

'I love these little things,' Ianto said, clutching it happily in his arms, but looking more happy to see Jack awake with a little colour in his cheeks for the first time in forever.

'I still remember the first time we brought one in. For a little while it made me forget all about Lisa. Everyone loved it, well, except for Owen, who had to traipse through the worst section of Cardiff's sewers to retrieve it. It took three baths and a blow dry to get the stink out of it. And that was just the Grimble, Owen fared far worse.'

'I can just picture that,' Gwen said, smiling at the memory of a grumpy Owen, feeling saddnened and happy at the same time.

'Owen never did like cute,' Jack agreed, surprised at how calm he felt saying the name out loud for the first time.

'And this is what was causing all the kerfuffle down at City Hall?' Gwen asked.

'They managed to capture it by dropping a cleaners bucket over the top of it,' Ianto replied. 'Some poor junior staffer was made to sit on it until I got there, and the guy was just about ready to wet himself in fear of what was under there and what it might do to him. Poor little guy.'

'What the staffer?'

'No, the Grimble. They don't like the dark much. Plus I nearly ran out of retcon. Must be the first time in known history that all of the councilors actually turned up for chambers. Still, you put on a free lunch and no public servant worth their salt can resist.'

The Grimble crawled out of Ianto's arms and onto the bed, cuddling up in Jack's lap where he reached a tired hand across to stroke its fur. It definitely lifted the mood in the room.

'Well, at least now you've got someone else to keep you company whilst you recuperate and we catch up on things. I'm ashamed to say the hub is not quite in a fit state.'

'I'm out of action a few days and you've let the place go to pot?' Jack asked.

Ianto gave him a withering stare. 'Try nearly two months, Jack. It hasn't been easy.'

'Two months?' Jack exclaimed. He didn't remember any of it, drifting off into oblivion not long after he'd arrived back at the hub. How could he have been out of it that long and not known it?

'Yup. It took a while to get help, but I think we can all agree it was worth it.'

'You did all that? For me?'

'Of course we did, you great idiot!' Gwen cried giving him a half-hearted slap.

'Plus the paperwork to have you replaced would have been a nightmare,' Ianto grinned. 'Trying to find another devastatingly handsome hero to lead us would have taken a while.'

'I am very handsome,' Jack agreed.

'And he's back,' Gwen smiled, rolling her eyes.

'So, anything exciting happen while I was gone?'

'Nothing we couldn't manage,' Gwen replied, not wanting to admit to him the handful of close scrapes that had resulted from not having enough hands on deck, and a complete lack of sleep. None of that mattered now.

'All pretty quiet, really,' Ianto added, trying to reassure him.

'Huh,' Jack said, not believing either of them for a second. He adored them for trying to spare his feelings. He'd catch up on their adventures eventually, but for now he supposed it didn't matter.

'So, don't you have somewhere else to be? Considering your backlog of stuff to do?' Jack asked.

Ianto just shrugged. The world hadn't ended thus far, so paperwork could wait a few more days.

'Nope. We're right where we need to be. We lost you once before. Now we're not going to let you out of out sight.'

'Ever,' Gwen grinned.

'Lucky I look good from all angles then,' Jack smirked. 'You're in for quite a show.'

True they weren't much of a team anymore, but they were his team. Not just his team, but his friends as well, more like family. For the first time in a long time he didn't feel quite so lost and alone in the world.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Poor brave Jack, and poor Ianto having to see his lover die over and over. I'm glad they were able to get help and figure out a solution, but that was quite an ordeal! I think ianto is going to be sleeping in the infirmary with Jack until he's fully recovered.

Grimbles are cute.