Torchwood: Fanfic: In need

[m_findlow]

Title: In need
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, John Hart
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 561 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Any, any, I'm not supposed to love you anymore" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack seeks comfort from the most unlikely source

He could feel John's eyes on him, watching his every move. It should have creeped him out and yet he really didn't want to be here alone, but nor could he bear any of his team to be here with him, what few of them were left, he realised with a heavy heart.

He should have had this moment to mourn Gray, to grieve just how close he'd finally come to finding his little brother and saving him, only to discover he'd come too late, his own flesh and blood corrupted and broken, hell bent on destroying him and everything he held dear, to avenge all the years of torture and pain he'd suffered. Little did he know how many years of pain and torture Jack had already suffered, only to have to go through it all again. Jack would have willingly suffered another two thousand years if it could have saved Gray.

'I'm sorry, for your losses,' John said, reaching forward to peck him on the cheek, a stray finger brushing over the satin backing of his vest. John was here and so close, he had only to close the gap between them, and seek the comfort he so desperately needed.

He forced himself to take a step back from John's touch. I'm not supposed to love you anymore, Jack thought. It had been years, and a lot of bad blood between them, yet he was falling easily back into John's gaze, needing something that he couldn't find elsewhere. It was a time to mourn everyone he'd lost, and yet he couldn't face it, happy to bury himself in the reckless throes of passion just to escape the blackness that threatened to consume him whole.

How could he face Gwen and Ianto after he'd let them down so badly? Gray might have set the wheels in motion that lead to the deaths of Owen and Toshiko, but it was Jack who was to blame. John understood that, understood who Jack was and who he'd been. Even knowing all of that hadn't made John love him any less, and that was what he needed now. He didn't need the sorrowful gazes of his companions, watching them struggle to come to terms with the horror and the heartache, looking to him to be the strong one, but knowing he hadn't done enough to save his friends. Only John could bring him the forgiveness that he craved.

Running away would be so easy. He and John could take to the stars, just like John had begged him to before when he'd turned him down. He could get away from all of this, and away from the people he was like to hurt the most. As he'd said, there'd been enough death; he didn't want to be responsible for any more. Would that he could lock them all away to keep them safe.

Jack took a step forward bringing their bodies back together, leaning in for the kiss when it was John who backed away, denying him. When had he become this vulnerable?

John placed his hands on Jack's shoulders.

'I need you,' Jack whispered, feeling his breath shuddering under John's touch.

'Your team need you,' John replied.

And with those parting words he was gone, leaving Jack feeling even more empty and broken hearted than before, knowing it was for his own good.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Poor Jack =(

But John did the right thing for once, because running away wouldn't make Jack feel better in the long run, it would just leave him with even more guilt and regrets for abandoning Ianto and Gwen when they needed him the most.