Fandomweekly Challenge 36 - All you need is love

[m_findlow]

Title: All you need is love
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, John Hart
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 36 - Charlatan at fandomweekly
Summary:  The boys may have bitten off more than they can chew this time.
Disclaimer: I don't own them.

'Hurry up,' Jack hissed, praying that the panic he was feeling right now didn't show on his face.

'Be patient,' came the calm response. John's face was a mask of complete serenity. How the hell could he be calm at a time like this?

'They're getting twitchy,' Jack added, as if to hurry things along, one eye darting across to the five burly looking Loprans stood just a few yards away. They weren't known for their friendliness, but provided you didn't cross them, you wouldn't have a problem.

Right now, that was very much their problem.

John fixed him with a firm stare. 'The only one who's twitchy around here right now is you, so just shut up and let me get on with it.'

Jack shuffled from one foot to the other. This was most definitely not going to plan. The whole idea was that this would be a quick deal. One perfectly good Arvaxan Cruiser, minus one teensy little bit of tech that made the whole thing go. Being able to get the cruiser going again would earn them a lot of credits, since their crew was going nowhere until it was fixed, assuming anyone on this dump of a planet knew how. Never mind that they'd been the ones to sneak in last night to steal the vital component from the ship. All that mattered was that word had gotten around that the ship needed fixing, and they just happened to be two very honest and knowledgeable Time Agents here on business. That was their job, to bring order to the galaxy, enforce Shadow Proclamation law, and generally help out when needed. Who better, and willing to lend a hand - for a princely sum, of course.

Jack kept both eyes on their newest acquaintances. That unsettled feeling was beginning to build in the pit of his stomach. The one that said everything was just moments away from going horribly pear-shaped. Had he known the ship was owned Loprans, he might not have been so keen on the idea.

'You said this was a quick fix,' he muttered through clenched teeth, giving their friends a nervous smile and a friendly little wave to reassure them. 'Steal the chip, plug it back in, you said.'

'So it's a little bit more complicated than I thought,' John replied, sounding tetchy himself now at Jack's lack of faith in him. 'Seems there's a little more to it than just plugging it back in.'

'You told me you knew what you were doing!'

'Okay, so I may have stretched the truth... a bit.'

Jack turned his head just in time to see one of the Loprans readjust his long coat, revealing the very large plasma gun tucked inside. Large enough to obliterate them both in one shot. It hadn't been so much an agreement to help out in the end, John having haggled his way into a much higher price bracket. That said, their newest customers were going to be damn sure that they got very good service indeed or they wouldn't be leaving with their reward. They probably wouldn't be leaving at all. Suddenly three thousand credits didn't seem like a lot of money.

'Uh, just how stretched is this truth?'

He knew John was a serial liar and the biggest con man he'd ever met, having been swindled himself more than once, but he figured if you couldn't beat them, join them. Maybe that hadn't been his best idea.

'Okay,' John said, 'on a scale of one to ten, ten being a lot of happy sex afterwards, and one being you cutting my balls off, what would you say if I told you I actually don't know what this bit does and how to make it work again?'

Oh, they were so screwed. Funny that, he thought ironically. Their official mission had been done days ago, but there was no rush to get back. He'd been looking forward to a bit of being screwed, but he'd rather imagined it involving John and a bed, in what passed for a nice hotel around these parts. Last few minutes alive and I'm going to die desperate and horny, he thought. Jack Harkness' last great con. What a tragic waste.

'Come on, John,' he said, searching for an escape.

'Be quiet.'

'What's taking so long?' one of the Loprans called out.

'Keep your shirt on!' Jack yelled back. 'This is very sensitive equipment,' he added, sounding a lot more confident than he felt.

'Fix it now!' he hissed at John.

'I told you, I don't know how.'

Jack lashed out irrationally, kicking John who had his hand jammed inside the open panel on the underside of the ship.

'Ow! Sweet Goddesses!' he said, his hand jolting abruptly.

The ship began to hum and purr as the engines came to life. He pulled his hand gingerly out, cradling it and inspecting the mangled fingers.

'This hand has given a lot of pleasure over the years and this is how you treat it?' John asked, indignant.

Jack felt relieved and not the least bit concerned about a little bit of physical suffering. Had he not kicked him, he realised, they might have been in for a whole lot more suffering.

'Just thank the Gods it's working or you might have lost more than your hand.'

The Loprans sauntered over, looking pleased. All signs of weapons had been hidden away again, no longer required, Jack hoped.

'I though you said these things were delicate,' he said, having seen them in action just moments ago.

Jack shrugged. 'Yeah, well, sometimes they just need a little love tap,' he said, patting the hull affectionately. He'd never loved a ship so much in his life for saving his bacon.

'It'll cost a bit extra for that,' John added, before receiving a sharp elbow in the side.

'Normally,' Jack clarified. 'For you guys, no extra charge.'

Getting away with it was one thing; being smug about it was altogether different.