m_findlow

Title: Bad timing
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,000 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Any, any, a gun in the hand is worth two in the bush" at fic_promptly
Summary: There's just never a right moment for a moment together

He breathed in the scent of Jack's coat as it enveloped the pair of them, lying there in the grass in the middle of the park. It was dark, but a mild sort of night. The kind where Jack didn't mind losing a few clothes. On a colder night, victory sex would be in the SUV, but he'd always enjoyed making love out under the stars.

If they didn't get up soon, Ianto thought, they were going to be seen. Another public indecency charge he'd have to expunge from both their records. His dad had been so ashamed of the shoplifting charge that he'd carry around for the rest of his life. If he could have seen Ianto's rap sheet these days - the unexpurgated one - he'd have been horrified.

Jack leant in close and worked his warm tongue inside Ianto's ear, trying to quell his half-hearted protests. Oh, he loved it when Jack did that, feeling his whole body turn to jelly. Another public indecency charge? Fuck it, this was so worth it. He arched up under Jack, letting Jack's hands do all the work. Such talented hands, Ianto thought, smiling into the kiss. He was really getting into the rhythm of it when he heard the low growl. At first he though it was Jack, but the second one left no mistake in his mind as to who had made the noise.

'Uh, Jack,' he said, trying to force the words out, but finding Jack's tongue very much in the way.

'Mmm?'

'Problem,' he said.

Grrrrlllll...

'Very big problem.'

They both turned their heads sideways at the sound, to find the weevil just a few yards away. It had been lying there, heavily sedated, but now it was very much awake.

'That's not supposed to happen,' Jack said.

'You put the hand clamps on, right?' Ianto said, trying to conceal the slight panic in his voice, and failing.

'Er...'

They both scrambled up, Jack lunging toward the weevil, putting all his weight onto it as it began to wake up fully, struggling against him.

'Ianto! Stun gun!' Jack ordered.

Right, stun gun, Ianto agreed, crawling over to grab his coat, thrusting a hand inside the pocket and finding it empty. Uh oh.

'Ianto, what's the hold up?'

'It's not here.'

'What do you mean it's not here?'

'Must've fallen out when you yanked my coat off.'

The weevil took a swipe at Jack, leaving a long gash in his arm. 'Great!' he cried out, half in annoyance and half in pain.

Ianto scrabbled around in the dark, trying to find it. It couldn't be too far away, but all around them were low bushes and garden beds, any of which could be concealing the missing item.

'I think we need to tighten our policy on weevil retrieval,' Ianto said, still pawing at the ground, hardly able to see a thing in the darkness. Where his eyes couldn't see, it heightened his sense of hearing, Jack's struggles and the heavy breathing of both he and the weevil very clear in his mind.

'I thought we already had,' Jack replied, bucking up and down on top of the weevil, like he was riding a wild bull.

'We need to change the part about having victory sex before the weevil is locked away in a cell.'

'You know,' Jack said, grunting at the effort of subduing the weevil, 'that's really going to take away a lot of what I like about our current policy.'

'Well, perhaps we can debate it in more detail when you're not about to be torn limb from limb.'

Ianto's hands brushed frantically under shrubs and over garden beds, desperate for the feel of something cold and metal. Finally, his hand passed over the familiar shape, gripping it firmly out from under a thick box hedge.

'Got it!' he said, racing over to Jack, who was now rolling around in a tussle with the weevil, looking like he was losing. He wasn't a big guy, so clearly the weevils were beginning to develop an immunity to the sedative they were using. That was bad news, but not as bad as one of them getting killed because of it.

'Do it!' Jack barked, finally getting the upper hand for just a split second, but knowing that on full power, that the gun was going to take both of them out for the count.

Jack woke to find a glittery vista overhead, stars twinkling in the night sky. Then his view was interrupted by a face hovering over him, and a warm hand on his cheek.

'Jack?'

'I must be in heaven,' Jack mumbled, 'because there's an angel standing over me.'

Ianto clipped him lightly over the head, before leaning down to kiss it. 'Idiot.'

'Mmm,' Jack hummed. 'Are you going to kiss the rest of me better?'

Ianto checked the slash in Jack's arm, noticing that it was already beginning the slow healing process, the same which couldn't be said for his coat sleeve.

'After we get that weevil back to hub,' he confirmed. 'I gave it another dose, but you've been out of it for twenty minutes. I don't want to find out what happens when the second batch of sedative wears off, given how short the first one lasted.'

He helped Jack up to his feet, still a little wobbly from have a few thousand volts shot through him, as he was settled in the passenger seat, unprotesting.

'So, what have we learnt tonight?' Ianto asked, as he started up the car.

'Don't forget to hand clamp the weevil before having wild, lusty sex with Ianto?'

'That's right. Any maybe we should add "undress Ianto more carefully" to that list. If I hadn't found that gun when I did, you might have been a bit more than a little electrocuted.'

'A gun in the hand is worth two in the bush?' Jack said.

Ianto rolled his eyes, a grin breaking out on his face. 'Something like that.'