m_findlow

Title: Joining the team
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Torchwood team
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,268 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Torchwood, Ianto, having to work his way back into the good graces of the team" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto feels like he's joining the team for the first time

'Alright everyone!' Jack shouted. 'Gloves off and time for some fun.'

Gwen spied the ball in Jack's hands and immediately called to be paired up with Owen. He might be a bit of a cheat, but the rules for Torchwood style basketball were somewhat lax, and they'd gotten away with it before, if only just.

Ianto watched them gathering around at the base of the hub, putting down his tray and taking the announcement as his invitation to leave. He had plenty of work he could be doing downstairs in the archives, far away from their excited cries and laughter. He didn't really want to be anywhere within earshot of them, if he was honest. He didn't know how they did it, just took all the bad stuff in their stride and laughed it off, turning up the next day as if nothing had happened. Instead he felt arrested, stuck in place, unable to make the grief and despondency go away. It was different for him though; he'd lost a loved one. They couldn't know how much that hurt. He was amazed he could function at all.

'Ianto!' Jack shouted. He turned just in time to find the ball flying at his face, catching it at the last possible second before it knocked out his teeth.

'Good reflexes,' Jack smirked.

Yeah, post traumatic stress did that, he thought. It felt like every day he was teetering on the edge, waiting for something to pounce on him, ready to fight it off and run like hell. Highly strung didn't even begin to describe the tension he carried around.

Ianto looked up over the ball at Jack. Why was he looking at him like that? More to the point, why were the rest of them looking at him like that? He wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. He'd thought he'd been invisible before, when he was hiding Lisa away in the basement underneath them. It was nothing compared to how invisible he'd felt when he'd finally had to return to work.

Owen bordered on hatred, though he still poked and prodded him regularly, asking him personal questions about how much he was eating and sleeping, conducting his role as team medic with as much professionalism as he could muster for someone who'd nearly killed them.

Gwen tried to be nice but it never came off quite right, more so because he subtly shoved away her endeavours, leaving her feeling awkward and uncomfortable. She didn't try quite so hard anymore. It was easier to seek approval from Jack, who was more than happy to give it to her.

Tosh just went about her day in her own quiet way, much as if nothing had changed. She didn't try overly hard to be nice to him, she just treated him as she always had, and he appreciated her all the more for it. He hated how they all walked on eggshells around him. He just wanted to be left alone to deal with his pain. Would that everything could have gone back to the way it was before, when they ignored him because he was nobody. Now he was somebody. Somebody they didn't quite trust.

Jack was a different story altogether. He couldn't figure out what it was that Jack wanted from him. Sometimes he was aloof and funny, trying to tell innuendo-laced jokes and trying to get a rise out of him; other times he was dark and brooding, as if he despised Ianto with every fibre of his being. That he probably deserved. He had slept with the man to distract him from what he was really up to. Anyone would be mad at him for that.

'Earth to Ianto,' Jack said, waving a hand in front of his face, ball still clutched in his hands, though now his fingertips had gone white, he was clutching it so tightly.

Ianto blinked. 'Sorry, sir,' he said, passing the ball back. 'Did you need anything before I go?'

'Go? Where are you going?' Jack asked, a little frown of confusion on his face.

'Um, downstairs?' he said, suddenly feeling unsure.

'You don't wanna play?'

Play? He'd never been asked to play before. He wasn't a member of the team like them, he was just the admin clerk; the guy who made the coffee and cleaned up after them. Cleaners didn't play basketball.

'Ianto? Are you okay?' Jack said, looking concerned that Ianto wasn't responding to his questions, lost in his own thoughts.

'Fine,' he said, swallowing hard to get his brain working again. 'What do you need me for?'

'Okay, so I know it makes the teams a bit lopsided, but Owen thinks he's so good he can take on three of us, can't you Owen?'

'We'll wipe the floor with you bunch of sorry girls,' Owen replied.

'Sounds like a challenge if ever I heard one, albeit not a hard one,' Jack teased. 'What do you say, Ianto ? You and me and Tosh together?'

Jack didn't really mean that, he was sure. Maybe this was all some horrible practical joke being played on him. The kind where as soon as he said yes, they rest of them would burst into fits of laughter for ever thinking that he was part of the team. It would just be a new form of punishment, reminding him of his rightful place.

He looked at Jack and tried to find the deception in his eyes, knowing full well that Jack was as good a liar as any he'd ever met. Only when he looked at Jack's expression, he couldn't see any deception at all. Only the worrying question in his eyes, wondering if Ianto was okay. He'd offered him an olive branch, but rather than politely say no, or otherwise refuse, or lie and just go along with whatever Jack wanted of him, the look was asking him a question. He could almost hear Jack's voice in his head, begging him to step out of the darkness where he'd locked himself away from the rest of them. He looked again, hearing the word please, over and over again as Jack beseeched him to say something. He wanted Ianto to feel like a part of the team.

'I'm not much good at sports,' he mumbled, letting the ball drop its protective hold across his torso.

'Neither is Owen.'

'Oi!'

Jack looked at him again. 'You don't have to if you don't want to,' he said, offering Ianto a way out, sensing his reticence.

That Jack was trying said something. He'd done terrible things and yet Jack was prepared to forgive him and make him a part of whatever this was. Somehow it felt wrong to let him down when he was trying so hard. Perhaps Ianto should try a bit harder too. Part of him wanted to find a way to work his way back into the good graces of the team. They were good people, all of them, and he felt terrible that he'd let them all down so badly with his lies and his deception. What was the worst that could happen if he tried to let them in?

'You're sure?'

'You're part of the team, aren't you?'

Yes, he supposed he probably was. If he was ever going to win back their trust he was going to have to learn to give up a little of himself. That's what teammates did.

'Okay,' he said, pushing the ball back at Jack, who seized it, thousand watt smile breaking out over his face.

'Oh, you're so gonna lose this time, Owen!'