Anythingdrabble Challenge 12 - In and Out

[m_findlow]

Title: In and Out
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Owen, Ianto, Suzie, Jack
Word Count: 500 words
Rating: PG
Notes: Written for Challenge 12 - Bellybutton at anythingdrabble
Summary: Owen's latest autopsy is proving challenging.

Ianto tried to be patient as their resident medic gave him a look of annoyance.

'He said he wanted it autopsied as a matter of priority,' Ianto said, casting an eye across at the thing he'd just hauled in on the trolley. Jack hadn't give him any further instructions, just "get Owen working on it".

'What is it?' Owen asked.

'You don't know?' He'd just assumed Owen had seen one of these before.

'Ew, what is that?' Suzie said, leaning over the raising and taking her first look at the large blobby green creature.

Owen gave Ianto another glare before snapping on his gloves. Let it not be said he couldn't  do his job.

He walked around the table trying to take it all in. It wasn't like anything he'd ever seen, and it was about as indistinct a shape as you could get. It didn't seem to have any distinguishable limbs, or even something that looked like a face  It was also the most lurid shade of green that Owen didn't half wonder if it wasn't emitting radiation.

'You sure it's right way up, Teaboy?' Assuming it had a right way up. It could be upside down and wrong way around and you'd never know.

'No,' Ianto replied. 'Are you?' Suzie sniggered at the comment.

Owen ran a hand over the large bulbous protrusion that seemed to make up most of its body. On top of that was a further bit sticking out, as large as his fist.

'I don't even know where to start cutting. What d'you reckon this bit is?'  pointing to the bulge with the nodule on top.

'Nose?' Ianto suggested.

'Looks like a giant breast,' Suzie said.

'Jealous?' Owen replied, grinning up at her as she scowled back and gave him the finger. He'd enjoyed them just fine the other night.

'So, it's a one breasted alien?' Ianto asked.

'Yeah, sounds like something right up Jack's alley,' Owen replied.

'Maybe it's not female. Maybe that's a, you know...'

'Even more up Jack's alley,' Owen quipped, watching as Ianto flushed bright red in embarrassment, wishing he hadn't said anything.

'So, what now, Owen?' Suzie asked. 'About to get happy with your scalpel autopsying something that might be its genitals?'

'Not unless we think Jack might have shagged it to death, and this is his way of taking the mickey.' He wouldn't put it past Jack to mess with him like that.

'Owen, what's taking you so long?' Jack yelled. 'I want that thing autopsied before Christmas. We need to know what it ate that caused it to die.'

'Which would be fine if I even knew which bit was its stomach.'

'That bit, of course,' Jack said, pointing at the large breast blob. 'It's ninety eight percent stomach. Not sure how you could miss it.'

'If that's its stomach then what the hell is this thing?' he said, pointing to the large nodule on top.  

'Its bellybutton of course! Haven't you ever seen an outie before?'

Comments

[jo02]

Ahaha - this was both entertaining and a great character study!

[bk_forever]

Heeheee! Brilliant! Great characterisation, Ianto can snark Owen into a corner even this early in their acquaintance!