Torchwood: Fanfic: Dressed to impress

[m_findlow]

Title: Dressed to impress
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Mica
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 2,244 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Torchwood, Ianto, he doesn't realise his clothes are invisible" at fic_promptly
Summary: Jack has a new bedtime story for Mica

'Story time, Uncle Jack,' Mica squealed as she clambered into bed in her bright pink pajamas, Jack pulling the covers over her and crawling in next to her.

'So it is,' he said. 'What story would you like?'

'I don't know,' she replied. 'You pick.'

Ianto padded into the room, both hands carrying steaming mugs of hot chocolate, one for Jack and one for himself, setting them down on the small side table, before parking himself on the other end of the bed.

'Okay,' Jack said, pausing to think. 'How about the Emperor's new clothes?'

'Okay!'

'Don't think I've heard that one,' Ianto replied, settling a cushion behind him. 'Not your version, anyway.'

'Sure you have,' Jack said. 'It's almost exactly the same.'

'Nope. We've done Snow White, Jack and the Beanstalk, Sleeping Beauty, the Wizard of Oz,' he said, rattling off the titles of stories Jack had altered.

'Mica hasn't heard it, have you princess?'

'Nuh uh,' she said, shaking her head.

'Which makes two of us,' Ianto said.

'Trust me, Ianto. You'll remember it like it was yesterday,' he said grinning.

Ianto fixed him with a level stare, knowing he was about to be informed. Jack's stories had a very distinctive Torchwood twist on them.

'Well, don't let me hold you up, then,' he said, reaching for his mug and almost wishing he had something stronger.

Jack smiled, cuddling up close to Mica. He could smell the shampoo in her hair from her bath earlier.

'Okay, once upon a time there was a handsome emperor. He was the most handsome emperor that had ever lived, and people flocked from many hundreds of miles away to attend his court and gaze upon his radiance.'

'And his name was Jack,' Ianto supplied.

'No, it wasn't,' Jack replied, accustomed to Ianto's interruptions by now. He couldn't ever just let Jack tell his stories without interjecting.

'He was even more beautiful and more handsome than me even, can you believe it?' he said, causing Mica to giggle and Ianto to roll his eyes.

'Anyway, this emperor, not only was he incredibly handsome, but he was always dressed in the finest garments his wealth could buy, which made him even more handsome. He had no wife and no children, so he had little else to spend his enormous wealth on, but he was always very proud of how he looked, so he had employed all of the realm's best and most talented tailors to create for him the most bespoke robes.

The emperor would hold court every day, letting his people come to him to bring him gifts and pay him homage, in return for which he allowed them to drink from a special fountain located in the courtyard of the palace. It was a funny brown liquid and didn't look at all safe to drink, but it tasted so heavenly that none who drank from it ever could compare it to anything else.'

'An emperor with a coffee fountain and a penchant for nice clothes. I wonder who that might be,' Ianto said.

'Then one day, as he was meeting each petitioner, there were two men who arrived and carried between them a large heavy box.

"Your most resplendent emperor," they declared. "We have travelled from the other side of the world to gaze upon your beauty and to bring you this gift."

The emperor stood up to get a better look. "What is it?" he asked.

"It is a magical box, oh most magnificent one. It came to us from the stars themselves. It can make the most beautiful clothes that anyone has ever had the chance to see. They are made from the finest materials, soft as silk to touch, and light as a feather to wear. Why, they feel almost invisible, so light and delicate are they."

Ianto felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. Oh no. He knew exactly what story Jack was telling, and why he'd made the comment that he'd remember it like it was yesterday.

'Don't you dare, Jack,' he warned.

'What? It's a story. It's not like any of it's actually true.'

'No, not a one bit,' Ianto bit back. 'Completely fictional.'

'Now of course, the emperor, being obsessed with fine clothes, was very interested indeed.

"How does it work" he said.

"It's magic," they replied, "but all it requires is that you place any garment within the box, and it will be transformed into the most beautiful clothing you've ever seen. Now, there is a caution we must tell you. Not everyone will be able to see these most beautiful clothes. Those who are deceitful or unclever will see nought at all."

The emperor thought this was marvelous indeed. If he could clothe his entire armies and retinues in this clothing, he would always be able to tell apart any who did not serve him loyally.

"That is wonderful," the emperor declared, "but what price would you ask for such a wonder?"

"We would only ask that we be allowed to take as much of the waters from your fountain whenever we so desired."

"Consider it done," the emperor said, clapping his hands together. "It is a small price for such a wonder. In fact, you shall have gold as well. I am generous to my people."

"Thank you, your grace," they said, bowing. "Might we be allowed to honour you with the first of these very fine garments?"

"Of course." The emperor had one of his servants fetch his simplest and most unadorned robes to be placed in the magical box.

"It will take some time," the two men said, "but they shall be the finest robes you have ever seen."

The next day, the emperor sent his closest adviser to check on their progress, eager to see his new robes. His adviser was the cleverest and most honest woman in all the realm, so he knew that she would report to him any deception. She was herself, quite knowledgeable about all things magical, and was curious to see how the box worked.

When she arrived, the two men greeted her most graciously.

"We are pleased to show you our progress," they said, opening up the box for her to look inside. When she peered in though, she could see nothing at all.

"Aren't they magnificent?" the man asked her. "Have you ever seen such a glorious shade of red in all your life?" He reached into the box, pulling out the invisible garment. "Feel how soft it is, like baby's breath."

She reached in to touch the thing she couldn't see, suddenly remembering the man's words from yesterday. Anyone deceitful or stupid would be unable to see them. Not wanting to feel foolish, or be marked as a traitor, she pretended to touch the cloth. "It is remarkable," she said, "so soft, and the shade is quite exquisite. The emperor will be delighted."

The more she stood there, admiring what she couldn't see, the more she came to believe it was really there, just under her fingertips, until finally, rather than imagine it, she could see it, or at least, she believed she could see it. She was not stupid after all, she decided, even though she could not understand how the magical box worked.

The following day, the men declared that the emperor's new robes were ready, and they were asked to attend him in his chambers to try them on.

"Open the box for yourself, your magnificence, and see your new robes."

As he lifted the lid, he saw nothing at all at first, and then the most wondrous robes became apparent to him, just as his adviser had described to him the day before, only better.

"Please try them on," they insisted, allowing him to disrobe and one of the men carefully helped him into his new robes.

"They are so light," the emperor said, admiring them in the mirror.

"Yes, as light as air itself," they agreed.

"You shall have ten times the gold I promised," he declared. "These are indeed the finest robes ever to have existed, though I shall have many more now. But first, I will wish to show off these glorious clothes to my people, so that they may look upon their beauty."

"You are most generous," the men said, bowing.

As promised, the emperor arranged for ten enormous carts to be loaded with gold and barrels of water from his fountain, and the two men left the palace, rich beyond their wildest dreams. They laughed all the way home, knowing that there was nothing magical about the box other than the fact that it made clothes invisible. All the rest was imagined when the clothes were touched.

The emperor walked the halls of his palace, allowing his staff and advisers to admire his new garments as he went about his day, before finally deciding to show them off to his adoring subjects.

When the emperor stepped out into his balcony, he beckoned to the crowding masses below to stand and behold his magnificent robes. At first there was a stunned silence. Why was the emperor not wearing any clothes, they wondered? Someone laughed and pointed. "The emperor has no clothes!" Then they all started laughing.

"Why are they laughing?" he asked, but then his advisers standing to the side began to laugh as well.

"Your grace has no clothes on," they said, still laughing.

When he looked down at himself, gone were the rich red robes and the wondrous silky feel on his skin. He could feel something, but they were completely invisible. He was mortified, but he could not admit that he had been swindled by the two men. Instead he stood there stock still until finally the last of the crowd below disappeared, too proud and too embarrassed to admit his grievous error.'

'Silly emperor,' Mica giggled.

'Silly emperor?' Ianto scoffed. 'He was duped!'

Ianto had almost forgotten his own embarrassment at the terrible prank Jack and Owen had played on him. The box had been a defabricator, converting the light spectrum of his clothes until they were totally see-through, whilst leaving behind a subliminal suggestion that he was wearing whatever he imagined. It was dirty and underhanded, even for them.

He still couldn't believe Owen would agree to it. It was one thing that Jack might like to see him wandering around the hub naked, but that the rest of them might go along with it was quite something else. He did feel sorry for Tosh, though. Somehow Jack had managed to pull the wool over her eyes too, drowning her in techno babble until she was convinced there was nothing untoward about it.

'I wanna do something nice for Ianto, is that such a bad thing?' Jack had beseeched her, just before she gave it the all clear, deferring to Jack's more intimate knowledge on the device that had fallen through the rift.

'The moral is that pride is a dangerous thing,' Jack said, grinning at Ianto.

Ianto got up off the bed, pulling Mica's bed covers tightly up around her neck.

'I think the moral of the story is that you shouldn't ever let other people tell you what to think, sweetheart,' he said. 'Trust your own instincts. If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is,' he added, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.

'Night, Uncle Ianto. Night, Uncle Jack.'

'Night, baby girl,' Jack said, adding his own kisses.

Ianto collected their now empty mugs and proceeded downstairs to the kitchen to wash them out, ignoring Jack. Jack refused to be ignored though, reaching around him for the teatowel and grabbing him in a hug as he took the wet mugs from his hands.

'You didn't like my story, Ianto?'

'I would have preferred if it was a little less close to the truth.'

'I should have left you and Owen on decaf for another week. I've never been so humiliated.'

'Oh, stop, Ianto. You're the best view going around after me. I was merely capitalising on those very fine assets.'

Ianto growled, turning the tap off. 'My assets are not for public consumption, whatever you may think.'

'I didn't see anyone complaining.'

Ianto scoffed a laugh. 'They were probably all too horrified.' If he hadn't stopped by the hothouse to fetch something he'd left up there the day before, passing his arm under the ultra violet heat lamp, he might never have uncovered the terrible practical joke. Worse still he'd been up in the tourist office for a few hours before that, even chatting with a couple of lost foreigners, pointing out attractions on a map. No wonder they'd left so quickly.

'Well, I thought you looked very sexy in your new suit,' Jack said.

'Birthday suit, you mean,' Ianto scowled.

'Definitely my favorite one,' Jack said, squeezing him tighter. 'I like it even more than that pink shirt with the blue tie.'

'I'm still mad at you,' Ianto said, struggling out of his grip. 'More so that you can make an entertaining story out of it.'

'I'll make it up to you, I promise.'

'I don't see how.'

'Oh, I do. I was thinking maybe I could defabricate your clothes, and then you could defabricate mine, and we could spend the rest of the night admiring our outfits.'

He hated to admit it, but Jack's birthday suit really was his favourite outfit.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Poor Ianto. That was definitely mean trick, Jack, and meaner still to remind Ianto by telling Mica the story.

Having said that, the original was always one of my favourite stories when I was a kid.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

Jack and Owen will get their comeuppance. They should fear Ianto's stealthy ways of getting revenge.