Torchwood: Fanfic: Missing: One dragon

[m_findlow]

Title: Missing: One Dragon
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,061 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Any, any, Lost dragon" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto has lost something. Jack thinks it might be his marbles

Ianto burst into Jack's office, looking panicked.

'I've lost my dragon!'

Jack dropped his pen. 'You what?'

'My dragon. It's gone missing.'

Jack stared at him, blinking. Ianto had said a lot of weird things over the years, but this took the cake.

'Okay...' Jack said slowly, playing along for the time being until he figured out whether Ianto was under the influence, or simply having finally lost his marbles altogether. 'And how do you lose a dragon?'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'It's really not that hard.'

'No,' Jack thought, not if you've lost some huge mythical creature that doesn't exist except inside your head.

'Jack! Will you just get off your arse and come and help me?'

Jack stood up. If he'd learned anything, it was that you didn't argue with a crazy person. Not until you had backup and a straight jacket.

Jack followed Ianto downstairs to the archives. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared around idly. 'So, what are we looking for? Twenty feet tall, red, leathery wings?'

'Har har. I think I'd know if I'd misplaced something like that.'

Jack chanced stepping closer. 'Ianto, are you sure you're okay?'

'Yes! I'm perfectly fine.'

Jack raised his eyebrows. 'Dragons?'

'A dragon.'

'Ianto, you're still not making any sense.'

Ianto sighed. 'It's David's classroom pet. He's meant to be looking after it at home this week, but he didn't tell Rhiannon he was bringing it home. She's bloody terrified of the thing and wouldn't have it in the house. It's part of David's homework to look after it and make observations to present back in class next week. I'm sure I told told you all this, but you probably weren't listening, as usual.'

'So, you're babysitting?'

'As it were. David can stop by the flat after school and do his homework there.'

'But it's not there now?' Jack said, trying to keep up.

'No. I was down at the local pet store, trying to find out the best food and habitat for it. They were useless, by the way. Said they'd never heard of a pygmy bearded dragon.'

'Well, that makes two of us,' Jack replied. 'Dragons aren't my specialty. But I'm not Welsh.'

'Neither is it. It's actually Australian. I found a book down here on reptiles. I left to make a call to a wildlife park to find out if they stocked live woodcockroaches, which are apparently what they prefer to eat. I must not have put the lid back on the tank properly. It was gone when I came back.'

'Ianto!' Jack chastised.

'It wasn't my fault. Okay, no I suppose it was my fault. I only wanted to make sure David got a good grade after the debacle at home.'

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Okay, so how big is this thing exactly?'

'Seven inches.'

'Poisonous?'

Ianto gave him a withering look. 'Do you think they'd let kids look after it if it was?'

'And what colour?'

'Sandy brown.'

'Oh, good. Down here that should be no trouble to find,' Jack said, sighing inwardly. 'Don't suppose it comes when you call?'

'No. House training is next year's project,' he replied sarcastically.

'Okay, then. Well, let's split up. First to find it buys dinner.'

'Right,' Ianto nodded. 'Oh, and Jack?'

'Yeah?'

'They're quite slow when it's cold apparently, so watch where you put your feet. If we squash it, we're in deep shit.'

'It's slow and you still managed to lose it?'

'Less talk about my shortcomings and more searching for school projects,' Ianto instructed.

'Roger that.'

They searched high and low, checking under the lowest of the shelves, pawing through boxes and crates, all made harder by the lack of light and the dragon's camouflaged exterior, which blended in with the neutral tones of everything else. Ianto was about ready to give up, wondering how long it might take to import a replacement, when Jack yelled out.

'Does it look kinda like a lizard?'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'No Jack, it's got wings and can fly. Of course it looks like a lizard!'

'Then I think I've found it,' he said, carefully reaching into the box to scoop it out, and pausing.

'It's not gonna bite me, is it?'

'Not unless your hand resembles an insect,' he replied, walking toward the sound of Jack's voice.

'And if I grab its tail it's not gonna like drop off or something? I've heard lizards do that sometimes.'

'I sincerely hope not. But perhaps avoid the tail just in case,' Ianto said, peering into the box.

Jack continued to reach in and picked it up. Surprisingly, it didn't react, just letting him gently slide his fingers underneath its belly, lifting it out.

'Hey, he's actually kinda cute,' Jack said, holding it up in his palm, getting his first good look at it. The rough little spikes all over its body weren't sharp, more like low grade sandpaper, and it looked a bit like it was smiling at him.

'She, actually,' Ianto said. 'Her name is Princess. Don't ask me why. Probably Princess of Wales or something.'

'Wanna hold it?' Jack said, offering it across.

Ianto frowned but took it anyway. In fairness it still wasn't nearly as weird as half the creatures he looked after. It was placid enough, and sort of cute, depending on how you looked at it.

'I think maybe the best thing is for it to go safely back in its tank.' He walked back to his desk and placed it back in the clear perspex box, making sure the lid was properly secured, and dropping the Foster's Guide to Reptiles book on top of the lid for good measure.

'You want me to take it home?' Jack offered. 'I've got a few errands to run. It's on my way. Don't want David arriving to find it's gone walkabout. It would ruin your reputation as world's best uncle.'

'Okay,' Ianto agreed. 'That frees up my time to go and pick up those woodcockroaches.' He picked up his car keys. 'Oh, and Jack?'

'Yeah?'

'No playing with it when you get home. You've got real work to do.'

He felt like reminding Ianto that he'd spent the entire morning helping him out, and that should earn him the afternoon off. After all, he did just find and rescue a dragon.

Comments

[jo02]

" 'It's slow and you still managed to lose it?' "

This cracked me up so much :)

[bk_forever]

Love bearded dragons, my niece has got one =)

It's a good thing it went to ground where it couldn't get stepped on though.

Ianto definitely deserves the award for World's Best Uncle.