BTBD Challenge 102 - A breath of relief

[m_findlow]

Title: A breath of relief
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 476 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 102 - Gasp at beattheblackdog
Summary: Ianto is holding out for that one little sound.

The sound of Jack's gasp was like a knife through Ianto's heart. He knew he shouldn't panic, but every death was an anxious wait, praying that it wasn't the last time. That sound sliced through his reality, making time stop and start simultaneously.

Jack couldn't die. How many times had he been told that, yet how could he not think the worst when Jack was lying there broken and pale in his arms? He was dead. There was no escaping that fact. It wasn't that he couldn't die, but that he couldn't stay dead. It was a distinction the others simply couldn't understand. Dying was the easy part. Over and over and over again, but living through it never got any easier.

What was on the other side of death, Ianto wondered. Owen said he'd felt a presence, waiting there for him, but Jack staunchly denied it. There's nothing, he'd tell them when they asked. Ianto wasn't sure he believed that. Jack was as good a liar as any he'd ever met, but even he knew some of the subtle tells that Jack had which indicated he wasn't being completely honest. He held his mouth just that little bit tighter before breaking into a grin to laugh it off. The tiny crows feet at the corner of his eyes twitched ever so slightly. There was a haunted look hidden deep in those blue eyes, like a storm brewing far off on the horizon. Even the way the muscles in his arms and back tensed just imperceptibly. If there was truly nothing on the other side, then why did Jack's cry sound so agonizing, like he'd just come face to face with Death himself and had been on the edge of losing that battle? Could nothing really be that terrifying, or was it the premise of so much nothing for all eternity that made him cling to life so desperately?

That first lung full of air confirmed that today wasn't the day when they had to part, and through his own anxiety he yearned to lash out and thump Jack as hard as he could. He wanted to yell at him to never to do that again. Didn't he see how much it was killing him? With every gasp back into life, there was the tiniest, barely audible gasp of his own. One of relief, and one that wanted to almost make him cry. Both of them were facing their own personal hell in those tense moments between life and death. Jack grabbed him tight, like a man half drowned, and it was all that disguised the fact that Ianto was gripping him back just as tightly. There'd be time to be angry later, time to yell and rant at Jack and his own stupid selflessness, but for now all that mattered was that one little sound.

Comments

[too-beauty.livejournal.com]

OMG! this was truly heartfelt. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for Ianto to wait for that tiny sound.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

He hates it every time but he won't ever admit it to Jack.

[bk_forever]

*snuggles them both* They both suffer so horribly whenever Jack dies. It always amazes me how dismissive everyone else seems to be about Jack's deaths and revivals.