Fffc Regular Challenge r18.05 - Alternative medicine

[m_findlow]

Title: Alternative medicine
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Owen
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,063 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Regular Challenge r18.05 - Lotion at fffc
Summary: Jack offers an alternative to modern medicine.

'It's starting to sting,' Ianto complained, watching as the back of his hand was turning red raw. At least it had stopped itching. It had driven him mad the entire way home in the car, culminating in Jack yelling at him to sit on his hand. That caught him by surprise, forgetting all about the itching for a split second since Jack fidgeted more than anyone he'd ever met, but even his insistent scratching had tested Jack's considerable patience.

Jack was hovering nearby, watching as Ianto held his hand in the bowl of icy cold water.

'What did you do to it, Owen?' he asked. 'We've done this dozens of times and never had a problem.'

'I was tweaking the formula,' he replied. 'Hand out of the water Teaboy, before you lose a few fingers to frostbite.' Ianto begrudgingly pulled it out, knowing that as soon as it warmed up again, it would begin to itch. That was worse than stinging from the cold, as Jack handed him a towel to pat it dry.

'What kind of tweaking?' Jack asked, narrowing his eyes at their medic. 'And what was wrong with the weevil spray we had before?'

'It's not working as well, or have you not noticed because you're too busy thinking about what comes after?'

'Me and Ianto,' Jack quipped. 'Usually twice.'

'Shut up, Jack,' Ianto said. 'No one's in the mood for your innuendo.' God the itching was starting up again. He tried making a fist, stretching the skin on the back of his hand tight, as much to move the skin without scratching as it was to warm up his fingertips.

'That wasn't innuendo,' Jack replied. 'That's just fact.'

'Enough,' Owen said. 'Clearly what I changed is a little too caustic.'

'You didn't test it first?' Jack asked.

'Of course I did. On bloody weevils, since they're the ones who are going to be getting a face full of it. They've got a lot thicker skin, though.'

'Well, you probably should have been a bit more thorough,' Jack chastised. 'Ianto's not the first to get some on his hands in the heat of the moment. Hell, I've taken a face full of it myself. It's not pleasant, let me tell you, but at least it didn't try to melt off half my good looks.'

'I always hated those films where they showed things being tested on rabbits,' Ianto said.

'Well, I think a few lab rats can undergo a bit of discomfort for the sake of the safety of the team,' Jack replied.

Ianto clenched his jaw as another wave of intense itching started up. He sat firmly on his left hand so he wouldn't be tempted to go at his right one hammer and tong. He'd probably take off a few more layers of skin, which would only make it worse.

'Can't you do anything more?' Jack asked, seeing Ianto's distress.

'I can give him an antihistamine in case any of it is an allergic reaction, but mostly I think it's just a chemical burn. Actually, I do have something I've been working on which might help,' Owen said, reaching down into one of his cupboards.

'I think we've had quite enough of your experiments for one night,' Jack said, putting a hand on Ianto's back and leading him out of Owen's medical bay.

'That hand still needs dressing!' Owen yelled, annoyed at Jack's lack of faith.

'So give me bandage and I'll sort it,' he retorted. 'Meanwhile, you go and pull every last can of weevil spray out of the SUV and all our kits and replace it with the old formula.'

 

'Itchy?' Jack asked, as he looked back at Ianto perched on the edge of the bed in Jack's bunker.

Ianto winced. 'You have no idea how much it's killing me not to scratch it.'

'Okay, well I've probably got something that'll help with that.' Jack knelt down and rifled through one of the large steamer trunks. Ianto never touched them, full of Jack's personal effects from decades ago. Finally he came back with a small glass bottle. 'Hold this for a second,' he said.

Ianto peered at it. 'Moonshine?'

'Nope,' Jack said, heading back into the bathroom.

'So, why am I holding it then?'

'Just giving your spare hand something to do.'

'Usually we don't need a bottle to keep my hand occupied,' Ianto replied.

'Oh, now who's full of innuendo?' Jack said, coming back, snapping on a rubber glove.

'I don't like the look of that,' Ianto said.

Jack took the bottle back from him, unstoppering it. Inside the liquid had been clear like water but as Jack tipped the bottle, it was more viscous, like a gel.

'What is that?'

'A lotion. Should help ease the pain and speed up the healing process.' He hated seeing Ianto's hand so red and scarred. Ianto's hands were one of his favourite things about him. They were long and slender and well manicured. They were also soft and very talented, but in its current state, it wasn't going to be giving anyone any pleasure.  

'Why haven't you told Owen about this magic lotion?' Ianto asked.

'Because it's alien and it's rare.'

'I'll consider myself honored to be worthy of it, then. Why the gloves, though?' he asked, as Jack began gently easing some of it into the burns on the back of his hand, feeling how cooling it was.

'It's easily absorbed into the dermis,' Jack explained, 'which is why it's perfect for wounds that can't be touched. It's also slightly narcotic, so if you feel a bit floaty afterwards, well...'

'You really do spoil me,' Ianto teased.

'Only the best for my Ianto. Just don't tell Owen. Otherwise he'll be wanting me to treat all your many injuries.'

Ianto leaned back against the pillows on the narrow bed, feeling the lotion beginning to numb his hand and put the rest of the world into a happy haze. 'I could think of worse things.'

'You say that now, but you'll be laughing on the other side of your face if I have to stitch you up. You've seen my attempts to reattach buttons on shirts.'

'I'm sure we could find other things for your hands to do that would help ease some of my suffering.'

'That's a whole area of alternative medicine Owen most definitely won't offer.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

Now that's the kind of stuff they need a replicator to reproduce! Lovely soothing lotions are always a good thing to have on hand, no pun intended.

Owen should spare the rats - they're not human either - and use himself as a guinea pig if he's going to mess around with the weevil spray. Do a patch test on his leg or something.