m_findlow

Title: The space between here and eternity
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Tosh
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,959 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for badly_knitted's prompt "Any, any, a ghost as a guardian angel" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto ends up somewhere unexpected.

Ianto looked around, confused. Where was he? Hadn't he just been aboard that ship, laser weapons firing left right and centre? He'd been trying to fiddle with the controls on the bridge to stop the entire ship from being crashed into the surface of the planet. If it had just been him, he might not have worried, but there were thousands of innocent passengers on board. In fact, he'd been one of them, excited as Jack told him stories about the last time he'd been to Quadrant Sixty Four. It was nice for once to spoil themselves with a luxury flight somewhere.

At least it had been until all hell had broken loose.

'Hello,' the voice rang out behind him, causing him to twirl suddenly. The face caught him even more by surprise than the voice.

'Tosh?'

She smiled. 'It's been a while.'

'But you're... I'm dead?' he blurted out, piecing together the only logical conclusion.

'For the moment,' she replied.

He looked around again, still disoriented. 'Okay, but I've done this before. How come this never happened before?'

She quirked her head at him. 'I dunno. This place is funny like that.'

'This place?'

'Yeah. I don't know what to call it. Heaven, I suppose.'

He looked around again. 'Not quite as fluffy white clouds and big pearly gates as I expected.' He stopped for a second. 'So, I'm dead and this is heaven? Must've been a pretty bad death, then.'

'It wasn't one of your better ones.'

'Great,' he chuckled. 'Jack will be so pissed. He made me promise him I wouldn't die for at least three months. Wait. If I've died and this is heaven, does that mean this is the end?'

'No,' Tosh replied, her face a mask of calm.

'Okay, so I didn't break my immortality. That's good, I suppose. Still doesn't explain why I'm here.'

'I wanted to see you,' she replied.

'That's it?' He cringed. 'Er, sorry. Didn't mean that to sound so flippant and ungrateful.'

She just smiled back. 'No offense taken.'

He chanced a glance over his shoulder, wondering who else might be waiting here for him. 'So, if this is heaven, does that mean Owen's here?'

'Somewhere,' she replied. 'Just not here.'

'He didn't want to see me?' Ianto snorted. 'Typical Owen.'

She laughed, and he remembered they way it tinkled like tiny bells. Gods he'd missed the sound of her laughing. 'This place doesn't quite work in any way that makes logical sense,' she said.

'I would have thought a genius like you would've figured it out by now.'

'There are things that exist beyond the realms of science, Ianto. They can't be explained by neat little algorithms or laws of physics.'

'Huh. So, what you're saying is that I should stop analysing why I'm here?'

She smiled. 'Something like that.'

The sky danced and swirled in shades of green and yellow. It was quite beautiful. Was it even sky? It seemed to reach well beyond the space above him, spilling down all around them. He noticed that there were no distinct shapes of any kind, no buildings or other features, and not a another living thing to be seen, just miles and miles of swirling colour. He imagined that maybe off in the far reaching distance he could make out trees, but perhaps that was just the colors in the sky playing tricks on him. Did it matter? Was any of this even real?

'Come take a walk with me?' Tosh asked.

He nodded, letting her take his hand. What else was he going to do?

'I've missed you so much,' he said, enjoying how right it felt having her small, warm hand wrapped up in his own.

'I know.'

'No, really. I never really knew what it was to have a best friend. Only I probably never told you that.'

'You didn't have to. No more than I had to tell you that you were my best friend.'

Ianto let out a sigh. 'Things just haven't been the same since. I know it's been years now, but there's not a day that goes by I don't think of you and miss you like crazy. I think about all the things we've seen and done, and what you would have thought if you'd been here. I even miss Owen. How mad is that?'

'You're doing just fine without us.'

'Not the same thing,' he replied. 'It all felt like it had fallen apart. Gwen couldn't stop crying, and Jack... Well, you know how Jack is. He blamed himself, wouldn't speak to anyone for weeks. It was like he'd died too. Like all of us had died. We tried so hard afterwards, me and Gwen. I didn't want to be responsible for causing him any more pain.'

The skies swelled to flushes of deep blue and purple as they wandered down an invisible path.

'But just look at you now,' Tosh said. 'You have a whole other life now. With Jack. Travelling the universe. Isn't that what you always dreamt of? Or maybe it wasn't ever something you imagined could happen -because you never believed you deserved anything - but isn't it wonderful all the same?'

'It feels like we paid a terrible price for it,' he said, watching the skies go red and sombre. He felt angry at how unfair it was to want to be selfish and have both. 'I'd give anything to have you back. A million trillion years of immortality will never make up for it.'

Tosh felt sad for her best friend. 'It feels like that now that you're standing here, but tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow you can go back to enjoying life, and maybe you'll remember us every now and then. That's all any of us can really ask for. It's what I keep telling Jack.'

Ianto came to a halt. 'You've spoken with Jack? He's been here?'

'A few times,' she confessed. 'He finds his way here and I help him to find his way back.'

'Huh.' Jack had never mentioned any of this to him. He'd never quite believed it when Jack said there was nothing on the other side. He wanted to believe there was something. Until he'd become immortal himself, he couldn't be sure, but he'd died enough times to know that Jack was right. There'd been nothing. Not until today, anyway. Maybe he was just imagining all of this, or maybe there really was some thing more beyond life and death.

'He doesn't mean to come here, if that's what you're thinking,' Tosh said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. 'Sometimes he just does, though.'

'And you talk to him like we are now?'

'Mmm hmm,' she hummed.

'Does he remember it? When he comes back, I mean.'

'Of course.'

'Huh', he said again. 'And how did I get here?'

'The same way,' she replied vaguely.

'Why is this the first time? I don't think I did anything special.' Was there a right way and a wrong way to be obliterated by a laser weapon?

'I don't know,' she said, continuing to stroll beneath a swirling blush coloured sky. 'Maybe you got lost.'

'I don't get lost,' he said, sounding affronted.

'Souls get lost sometimes. They drift too far from where they're supposed to be.'

'Am I supposed to be here?'

'No. This place isn't ready for you yet.'

'But, it's not heaven. I mean, wouldn't there be more people here if it was?'

Tosh stopped and thought about this for a moment, as if the concept had never crossed her mind before. 'It's probably more like a waiting room. Even that's probably not really accurate. Things here are very... fluid.'

'It's a lot nicer than most waiting rooms,' he muttered, then frowned. 'You know, this is a very existentially confusing conversation.' He was far more accustomed to Tosh telling him exactly what was happening, even if half of it was so technical that it left him just as uncomprehending as before.

'Isn't it just?' she mused.

'So, I'm dead, but I'm not meant to be dead, because I'm immortal, but my soul has gotten lost and I have to go back somehow, and you're the only one with a map?'

'More or less.'

He let out an exhausted breath. 'Being dead is very hard work.'

She smiled, watching as the sky around them began glowing back into hues of yellow and green. She stopped walking and turned to face him, grabbing his other hand. 'It's time.'

'What? But I just got here. Isn't there a coffee shop around here or something where we can go? There's so much I want to tell you.'

She laughed. 'There's no coffee shops.'

'Well, heaven sounds like it sucks, then. Are they keeping all the coffee and chocolate hobnobs down in hell, or something?'

'Or maybe they're just waiting for someone to come along who knows how to make it properly,' she suggested.

'Maybe it's lucky Owen isn't here, then,' Ianto said. 'After five years and no coffee he'd be a right pain in the arse.' He looked around again. If this was a waiting room, then there must be a door. At least one. One for going back and maybe another for passing on, assuming you got a choice. Why had Jack never bothered to fill him in? Wasn't this something useful he ought to know about? 'So, how do I get back wherever it is I'm meant to be?'

'You just will.'

'And you'll be gone? You can't come back with me? I mean, you've come this far. There's no side exit we can smuggle you back through?' He was fairly certain that if there was one, Jack would have done it years ago.

'None of us are ever really gone.'

That didn't feel like much consolation. 'But if I die again, will I get to see you? Will I come back here?'

'That I can't answer. One the whole though, I'd prefer if you didn't die.'

He pulled a face at that. 'Occupational hazard. I still get a bollocking from Jack every time.'

She quirked an eyebrow at him. 'How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine? You were always furious at Jack for dying.'

'Still am,' he said, unable to suppress a smile. Who cared about double standards? 'So, maybe this is a one time thing? You and me?'

'Maybe.'

He wanted to growl. So many maybes and so few real answers. 'I never got to say goodbye.'

'You didn't have to.'

'Yeah, I really did. You were - are - the best person I ever met. The world's a poorer place for not having you in it.'

She blushed at the admission. 'Not nearly as much as it will be if you're not there. The world still needs you and Jack.'

He didn't want to go, but somehow he knew he had to. He could feel his immortality tugging at him, urging him to return somewhere else. Somewhere back there, there was a ship in chaos, people that needed saving, and most of all, there was Jack. Jack would be waiting for him. Waiting for him to come back. Overhead the sky began to pale, the greens and yellows fading into a pure bright white.

'It's been really nice seeing you,' he said, knowing their time was almost up, as much as he didn't want it to be. 'I just wish I knew that it might not be for the last time. Goodbye just doesn't feel like the right thing to say, anymore.'

'Maybe we will see each other again some day,' Tosh replied. 'Everything ends eventually; even you and Jack. We'll still be here, waiting for you. Even Owen.'

'Forever is a long time,' Ianto said.

'Some things are worth the wait.'