m_findlow

Title: Holding out for a hero
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Characters: Ianto/Jack, The Doctor (Twelve)
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 486 - Champion at slashthedrabble
Summary: Jack has gotten himself into trouble again, and now Ianto has to bail him out.

Ianto watched on helplessly as the local townsfolk grabbed Jack and hauled him away. From the looks of things, they weren't dragging him away to be worshipped as some kind of God. This was definitely the bad kind of being taken away.

He spun and faced the Doctor. 'What the hell just happened?' One second he'd been buying strange fruits from a market stall, using only hand signals to trade currency for quantity and the next thing he'd turned around to find Jack in an altercation.

The Doctor spoke quietly to a fellow stallholder in some gibberish that seemed to pass for language around these parts. Ianto was the only one who wasn't party to the translation. Apparently this was the TARDIS's way of forcing him to learn new languages from scratch, rather than translate everything for him. Right now, he wished she wasn't being so stubborn.

'Doctor, what did he say?'

The Doctor pulled off his sunglasses and gave a sigh. 'Something he shouldn't have, of course. It wouldn't be Jack otherwise, would it? Can't go anywhere and just buy fruit, can we? Probably something inappropriate about bananas.'

Ianto looked worried. 'They're not going to hurt him, are they?'

'Oh, no. They've just arrested him. There'll be a trial in the morning. He's going to need a champion to stand for him.'

Arrested. Again. One of these days he was going to have to teach Jack to shut his big mouth. He paused. 'Hang on, did you just say he needs a champion?'

'That's what I was just told. Seems to be the custom around here. A representative if you will, to serve to offender's interests at trial. Hope you don't mind I already told him that was you.'

'What? Me? And what exactly does this champion have to do?'

'Well, I don't know!' The Doctor replied. 'Just because I speak the language doesn't mean I know the customs of every planet in the known universe. It might be a legal trial, a game of checkers, a sword fight, or an egg and spoon race for all I know.'

'So, what you're saying is that this could be like one of those medieval fight to the death kind of things. The winner gets to live and is exonerated?'

'Anything's possible.'

'Great. And why do I have to be his champion? Why can't you help him out? You're the one that can speak the damn language!'

The Doctor put his hands on his hips. 'He's not my responsibility. He's your husband! He's like a dog that needs a leash. Or to be spayed. I thought you'd have him better trained by now.'

Ianto sighed. He would have liked to think so too, yet no matter how he tried, Jack always found new ways of getting into trouble. 'Fine,' he grumbled. 'I'm his bloody champion, then.'

It was lucky neither of them could die. Not permanently anyway, because if Ianto survived this so-called trial tomorrow, he was going to kill Jack.