Torchwood: Fanfic: Targeted

[m_findlow]

Title: Targeted
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Owen, Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 648 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for juliet316's prompt "Any, any, hold it right there!" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto is desperate to worm his way out of this one.

'Hold it right there!' Owen yelled.

Ianto stopped dead still, like a deer caught in the headlights. He tried holding up the file in his hand in front of his face, praying it might block him from view.

'Get your arse down here,' Owen demanded.

'I've got things to do,' he replied. A huge long list that he was never going to get through in a month of Sundays, and that was the truth.

'So do I, Teaboy, and until I clear all of you of your monthly check-ups the boss is going to be riding my arse.'

Ianto wanted to snigger at Owen's poor choice of words. 'Have you and Jack been playing after hours without me again?'

'Shut up,' Owen said, hating that everything he said always got turned on him. Bad enough when Jack made dirty jokes, but now Ianto did it as well. 'I've already had him down here, and seen far more of him than I'd like. Now it's your turn.'

'And it's not even Naked Tuesday,' Ianto quipped. Owen must have known their physical attributes almost as well as any lover. It was just one of those necessary evils of the job. You just never knew what physical manifestations might arise as a result of dealing with alien technology and life forms. Jack was very firm on that front, that they should all undergo thorough checks for their own sakes.

'Do I get a lollipop as well?' Ianto asked. He always thought it amusing that Jack had an irrational fear of needles, needing to be rewarded for his donation to Owen's blood samples. For a guy that was regularly - and far too regularly for Ianto's liking - torn apart, shot, blown up and otherwise physically injured, it seemed insane to be worried about a tiny thing like a needle. Perhaps there was more to it, or perhaps Jack was just having Owen on for a laugh. Then again it might be genuine. Jack chose the strangest, most mundane things to be afraid of. Spiders, needles, mice... But weevils and hoixes were just fine. Sigh.

'If I get a coffee you can have a lollipop,' Owen replied.

Ianto stopped and thought about this. He had no problem with needles, he just hated Owen's examinations in general. You don't eat enough. You don't sleep enough. How the hell do you not catch something from Jack? The lectures never seemed to end. That and he really wasn't big on people touching him, Jack excluded. Even his sister's hugs and kisses made him feel awkward.

'Nope, think I'll pass,' he said, hoping to make a getaway. Instead he turned and bumped straight into Jack who grabbed him.

'Did you say coffee? I'd love one, but first I think someone wants to check and make sure you're not secretly infested with alien spores, or whatever it is that Owen thinks might be wrong with us.'

'I know what's wrong with you, Harkness, and it's all between the ears. That I can't cure.'

'Well, that's a relief,' Jack replied. 'Usually you tell me my problem is much lower down,' he added, grinning salaciously.

Owen groaned and rolled his eyes, pretending to vomit.

'I don't have spores, and I'm not infested,' Ianto huffed. Just the thought of being infested with anything irked his sensibilities and made his skin crawl.

'All the same, I'll feel better knowing that for sure,' Jack said, turning Ianto around and pointing him in the direction of the stairs that lead down to Owen's medical bay.

'I swear I feel like I'm being ganged up on here,' he muttered, begrudgingly making his way down.

'Occasionally Jack makes himself useful,' Owen replied, already slipping on a fresh pair of gloves with a resounding thwack.

Jack leaned over the railings and smirked. 'If he doesn't give you a lollipop, come and find me. I'll make sure you're properly rewarded.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

Man up, Ianto, we all have to put up with indignities so just get it out of the way and then you can get on with your tasks.

I do love the snark between them!

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's not high on Owen's list of fun things either.