Torchwood: Fanfic: No standing standing anytime

[m_findlow]

Title: No standing anytime
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Jack, Owen, Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,547 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Torchwood, any, whilst saving the city, the SUV gets towed from no standing zone" at fic_promptly
Summary: Whilst Jack and Owen have been busy, someone has taken the SUV.

'That was mental,' Owen chuckled, hefting the heavy metal case between himself and Jack, carting the remains of their alien visitor back to the car.

'Real "Night at the museum" stuff,' Jack laughed back.

'Don't tell me you've actually seen that film.'

'I've tried,' Jack confessed. 'We almost made it to the end before a weevil alert interrupted date night.'

'I don't know why you two bother,' he replied. 'Going out to the movies is just asking for things to go wrong.'

Jack grinning, remembering that particular evening. 'Oh, no. We were at home watching it on DVD. We just never got around to finishing it.'

Owen shook his head. He supposed they'd learnt that lesson at least. None of them bothered wasting money on tickets to anything these days. The last concert Owen had gone to, he hadn't even made it past the warm up act before some Sontaran ship had lost its way and decided Earth was going to be as good a planet as any to invade. 'Don't suppose you want this autopsied before I go home?'

'I'm pretty sure we know what killed it,' Jack said, smirking. 'Besides, I don't think there's enough left to bother with.'

That much was true at least. Sometimes, you just got unlucky. In their case, it had been the alien who gotten the short end of the stick this time around. From what Jack had surmised, it had traveled here through the rift intentionally to steal something from the museum. It had brought with it technology capable of reanimating dead organic matter. It wasn't resurrection as Jack had told him, more just an irritation of particles that hover just over the surface, giving it the appearance of life. Only it turned out that perhaps the device had been damaged

during the trip through that rift, and instead had accidentally reanimated the large skeleton of a prehistoric shark. If that's was an irritation of particles, Owen would hate to see what a real reanimation device might be capable of. It hadn't taken long for the reanimated creature to turn on its creator, tearing it into tiny chunks with its fourteen still razor sharp sets of teeth, which had been carefully preserved by museum staff. By the time Owen and Jack had arrived, there wasn't much left of the alien, and the shark was tearing up the place in its mad frenzy. Jack nearly lost an arm himself as the shark thrashed about, looking for dessert, before uncovering the device and managing to reverse the effects, the skeleton crumpling back to the floor and spilling its bones everywhere.

'You don't suppose we could use this tech for other purposes, do you?' Owen asked.

'It's going straight in the secure archives,' Jack replied, his expression firm and unyielding. 'Even if it was in perfect working order, I wouldn't risk it. Everything has its time.'

'I wasn't suggesting people,' Owen insisted. 'But we could probably learn more from some of the other things that come through the rift that don't make it.' There were some alien physiologies, muscular and skeletal structures that left him for dead as to how they even managed to stand, let alone move around. Seeing it in action might answer a lot of those questions.

'The answer is still no.'

Jack pushed open the large double door and they began to work their way down the long sandstone steps of the museum that opened out onto the plaza below. Jack stopped halfway down and Owen almost tumbled down the remainder, the sudden halt in the box they were carrying catching him by surprise.

Owen readjusted his balance. 'What's the hold up?'

'Where's the SUV?' Jack asked. He scanned the road that stretched along the plaza outside the museum. At this hour of the morning, there wasn't another car in sight, as to be expected.

Owen scratched his head absently. 'We were parked right there,' he said, looking confused.

Jack set the container down and pulled out his phone, hitting the speed dial. 'Ianto, the SUV has been stolen,' he said, not caring that he was waking up his lover after promising to let him sleep. Jack paused whilst listening to the grumpy half asleep response. 'I know it's got a triple deadlock!' He rolled his eyes. 'And yes, I know where we left it parked.' There was more silence, Jack's facial muscles tensing. 'Well, it's not here now. Yes, I want you to find it! There's all kinds of technology and weapons in there that no one should get their hands on.'

Owen could almost picture the look that would be on Ianto's face; that disenfranchised look of despair that he would now have to get up and start tracking the low-jack on the SUV to find out where it was, who had taken it, and why. Owen didn't care much for the last two. Just knowing where it was would be a bonus.

Jack shoved his phone back into his trouser pocket, still vacillating between annoyed and perplexed. 'Lucky we don't have something live we had to restrain,' he grumbled, sitting down on the steps to wait. 'What were we supposed to do with that? Walk it back to the hub?'

'I can't believe someone stole the SUV,' Owen said, joining him. 'We were in there, what, less than an hour?'

'They must have been following us,' Jack replied. 'They waited for us to leave and then went in for the kill.'

It didn't take long before Jack's phone was buzzing, Ianto having come up with the goods, it seemed to Owen.

'So, where is it?' Jack said, not bothering with any preamble. 'More to the point, I'd like to know what lowlife is responsible.'

Owen couldn't suppress a grin at the thought of what Jack was going to do to the sorry sod who got caught. A night in the cells with the weevils would be thr least of Jack's punishments.

'Excuse me?' Jack said, brow furrowed in confusion. There were more little noises in response to the conversation on the other end of the line, that Owen took to be incredulity, astonishment and general mysticism, before Jack hung up. 'Ianto will be down here in ten minutes to pick us up,' he reported.

'Okay. That's good. But what about the SUV?'

Jack clenched visibly. 'Impounded. Some bored council worker apparently had it towed whilst we were inside.'

Owen burst out laughing, which only incensed Jack even more. Yes, it had been a no standing zone, and yes, it was double yellow lines. But what were the chances at four in the morning of having their car towed? And who had the balls to tow a big black SUV with the word Torchwood emblazoned on its roof? Owen dwelt on this for a few minutes, letting Jack's temper settle somewhat. 'Is this the point where I say I told you so, or should I leave that little gift for Ianto?' The young man was forever chastising Jack for parking places he shouldn't and for just generally bad parking, covering double and sometimes triple spaces with their large vehicle, dumping it in haste to get to the scene.

Jack turned on Owen, his gaze fierce. 'We save this city at least once a week, and this is how they thank us?'

He was about to respond when the whisper of a black Audi swished past.

'Hey!' Jack complained. 'Where does he think he's going? He is picking us up, isn't he?'

A few minutes later, there was Ianto walking towards them, hurriedly dressed from what Owen could tell, but otherwise just as well turned out as you could expect given the hour and the circumstances.

'Where's the car?' Jack asked, his mood turning thunderous once more.

'Mine?' Ianto replied, unperturbed. 'Parked two blocks away where it's actually legal to do so. Or would you rather mine be towed as well?'

Jack gritted his teeth in response to the smart remark. 'The chances of that are astronomical,' he replied. 'You only had to pull up for a few minutes.'

'Says the man who lost us our main mode of transport. Thanks for that, by the way. As if I didn't have enough to do tomorrow.' He looked around. 'Where did you put the alien?'

Jack kicked the side of the metal containment unit, answering his question.

Ianto gave the pair of them a look. 'I thought the rift alert was bigger than that.'

'This is all that's left,' Jack answered. 'Trust me, you don't wanna see what we left inside, though it did make going to see the museum exhibits a little bit more interesting.'

Ianto knew better than to ask for details. If they'd left the place in a mess, he didn't want to know. He'd only feel guilty for the poor staff that would arrive in a few hours having to clean up yet another Torchwood mess.

Come on, then,' he said. 'Some of us would like to get home for a few hours missed sleep before having to waste a day getting the SUV back from the council. If they put two and two together and find out you were the ones that made a mess in there, we might never get it back.'

Comments

[bk_forever]

D'you think Jack will have learned his lesson after that? Personally I doubt it. I wouldn't want to be the person who had the SUV towed though.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

Jack will never learn. Fortunately for the council, they'll only have to deal with Ianto. Jack wouldn't make it past the automatic phone menu before losing the plot.