m_findlow

Title: Caught with your pants down
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 956 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for m_findlow's prompt "Any, any, bet you wish you wore braces now, don't you?" at fic_promptly
Summary: Their latest find has the boys caught a bit short in the clothing department.

Ianto trudged along behind Jack through the park, feeling ten kinds of awkward. Jack cast a brief look back at him and giggled. 'Bet you wish you wore braces now, don't you?'

'It's not funny, Jack,' he said, gripping his pants tighter and accidentally giving himself a wedgie in the process. He growled under his breath. Stupid alien technology. Why couldn't it have happened to Owen? Ianto cringed as another trio of joggers swept past them on their early morning fitness regime. Who knew there were so many people out and about at five thirty in the morning? He certainly wasn't unless he had to be. Six was quite early enough for him, especially given their often very late nights. As much as he might like to be out enjoying some adrenaline pumping exercise, it was all about priorities. He wasn't lacking for exercise - ad hoc and often dangerous as it was - but sleep was more important.

Or at least it had been until the rift had decided to disturb their night. Why it always felt the need to be obnoxious in the middle of the night was anyone's guess. Still, it didn't make it any easier to crawl out of his nice warm bed and to meet Jack who was on night duty at the hub. Ianto was his go to man for nights when he was there on his own, knowing that Ianto was the fastest to respond and also the least likely to verbalize his discontent at being roused.

'Shouldn't take too long,' Jack promised, 'then you can be back in bed and off to dreamland. If we're lucky, Tosh will be in by the time we get back and I might join you for a few hours of well deserved rest.' That, Ianto supposed, was the only concession.

Jack drove them out to Cathays Park in the pre-dawn darkness as Ianto tried to get a fix on whatever it was that had come through. He prayed it was inanimate. There was nothing worse that having to track down, or potentially chase, something live in the dark. As luck would have it, the traces of rift energy appeared to remain in the one spot as he monitored it on their drive across town.

'Any movement?' Jack asked.

'None.'

'Let's hope it's not something injured.' Yes, there was always that. Just because it wasn't moving didn't make it inanimate or safe. And in the dark they'd have to have their wits about them. An injured creature could be just as dangerous, or more so, as it fought to defend itself against further injury. Not all creatures immediately understood that Torchwood came in peace.

Ianto flipped on his torch and Jack did the same, scouring the immediate area where the signal had originated from. It wasn't overly dark, but the sun was still a good half hour from rising properly. Fortunately it didn't take long, Ianto spotting the offending item as it glinted in his torchlight.

'Got it,' he said, calling Jack over who was searching an area a few dozen yards away.

They both came over and knelt by the small object. It was cylindrical and gleamed a burnished golden colour. It was a canister of some kind.

'Safe?' Ianto asked.

Jack scanned it with his wrist strap, but as he did, it began to buzz and rattle, something escaping out of a small hole in the side, damaged from its fall through the rift.

Before either knew what had happened, the torch held in Ianto's hand disintegrated, as did Jack's own laying on the grass.

'What the hell?' Jack said.

'Hey,' Ianto cried as his watch fell off his wrist. He picked it up and squinted at it in the darkness. The metal clip that had held the plastic strap in place was gone.

'Bugger,' Jack said, watching as his beloved aeroplane cufflinks disappeared into nothingness. 'They're nanobots. Ones that eat metal.'

'Metal?'

'Yeah.' He let out an annoyed breath. 'Gone now, though. They'll have dispersed and there's no way of getting them back.'

'Is that a bad thing?'

He picked up the canister. 'Small container. Probable only a few hundred inside. Won't do much damage. I think we were just unlucky enough to be their first meal. They'll take hours to process that much raw material.'

Ianto frowned at the explanation. 'But they were in a metal canister.'

'Programmed to only break down certain kinds of metal.' Jack held it up for closer inspection. 'This looks brass.'

'And they won't come home to roost once they're full?'

'Nope. They're nanobots, not homing pigeons.'

Ianto sighed. 'So, another wasted night.'

'Looks that way.'

Ianto stood up only to find that his jeans didn't follow him, falling down around his ankles. He yelped out an embarrassed cry, diving down to pull them up. 'Bloody hell! They've eaten the buttons and my zipper!'

Jack stood up and checked his own pants, finding them also missing their critical components, but they stayed perfectly in place on account of the braces holding them up. Jack laughed at the absurdity of it. 'Come on, Ianto. Let's go home,' he said, making off toward the SUV parked on the far side of the park.

'But what about my pants?' Ianto said, clutching them desperately.

'You won't need those at home,' Jack replied, not worrying. The sun was slowly rising in the eastern sky. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.

'But we're parked miles away!'

'It's not miles, don't exaggerate.'

'What if someone sees us?'

'If they want to tell you your fly's open, consider it a favour. Come on.'

Ianto grabbed his jeans firmly at the front, hoping it didn't look inappropriate, before trailing after Jack. He felt miffed, watching Jack parade across the park without a care in the world as morning began to break.

'I still don't understand how it didn't eat your braces,' Ianto complained. 'It ate everything else.'

Jack grinned. 'Original nineteen forties brass. No modern nickel in these babies.'