JMDC Challenge 160 - As the sun goes down

[m_findlow]

Title: As the sun goes down
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 800 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for enchanted_jae's JMDC prompt "Watch the sun set /Enjoy the sunset"  
Summary: Ianto is struggling with the choices he's made.

Ianto paused by the window, staring out at the view outside. He was very slowly getting used to this new place he was supposed to call home. Calling London home again felt strange, like Cardiff had just been something temporary. Instead London had once again become the haven he was using to escape home and all its problems.

The wall to ceiling windows were a far cry from the grotty apartment he'd first lived in when he'd moved here. This was modern and exclusive, a steel and glass high rise that sat above much of the city's structures. So much so that today, in the approaching twilight, a golden sunset sank behind them, casting a warm orange glow across his face. The view should have been breathtakingly stunning, yet the vista made him feel hollow and lonely.

London was still reeling from the events of the last few weeks. He noticed it in the little details on his walk to and from work each day. The way parents fussed over their kids just that little bit more, the added friendliness that strangers afforded one another as they bought takeaway coffees and navigated overcrowded pedestrian crossings. Everyone rushed around the city at a slightly slower pace, barely noticeable if you hadn't lived and breathed the city life.

He kept trying to tell himself he'd made the right choice. Torchwood had been obliterated and though the danger had seemingly passed, there was an uneasy air that rippled through the city. Every street corner felt that little bit more dangerous, like there was still someone waiting to put that bullet in him. Gwen had felt that same sense of apprehension, but more concerning was that Jack had disappeared, seemingly from the face of the Earth.

She'd been calling his phone nonstop since discovering Ianto had survived Thames House, trying to get a message through to him to return to Cardiff. Ianto had assumed that his presumed death was responsible for Jack's disappearance. He'd always suspected Jack would take it hard, but after weeks of bunking at his sister's house, he'd had enough of waiting. There was still so much to be done to unpick the mess in the wake of the 456. He felt useless, just sitting around, waiting for his lover to come to his senses and come home. If not for him, then for Gwen.

He couldn't take it anymore. He reasoned with himself that Jack wasn't coming back, whether he knew Ianto was alive or not. He couldn't stay here. He didn't want to try and bring Torchwood back to life. What use was it, just the two of them, trying to pick up scraps that the rift dropped on them. UNIT were in disarray, trying to restore order. That was something he could do: restore order to chaos. It only took him two phone calls and a promise that he'd be on the next train. They'd even been good enough to put him up here, saving him the headache of trying to lease a place at a moment's notice, or live in a hotel.

His sister hadn't wanted him to leave. For the first time in their lives, they finally understood one another. There were no more secrets left between them. They'd come so close to losing each other and now he wanted to go.

He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, watching the skies turn from orange to blood red, then deepen to a dark navy as night fell quickly over the city. What he was doing here was making a difference. Perhaps more than anything he'd ever done at Torchwood. The whole world was a mess. It needed people to make sure that governments could never again choose to sacrifice human life. He became so fixated on the idea that everything else faded into insignificance.

Only now when he was all alone, staring out over the world he was trying to heal, did he feel the aching solitude that his choices had delivered him. After all those years of watching Jack from afar gazing out at the city from his rooftops, did Ianto finally understand the weight of all that responsibility. He understood why it was that Jack held people at arm's length, never daring to care too much or love too deeply. It was the price one paid for needing to put the needs of seven billion lives ahead of your own. It was the price of knowing that your own feelings could distract you or lure you away from making the hard decisions.

Jack was gone and so now the task fell to him. Day became night, and on the other side of the planet, people were waking up to a brand new day - one that he had to make sure happened.

Comments

[jo02]

Very, very good.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

It turned out better than expected. Thank you!

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

Aw, very melancholy, but I liked it. Thanks for the entry!

[bk_forever]

I'm glad Ianto is alive, and that he's found a purpose, but he still seems sad. he's chosen his course, and it's worthwhile, but also lonely.

Beautifully written.