m_findlow

Title: Uncharted territory
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 500 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 533 - Island at slashthedrabble
Summary: Ianto reflects on the toughest relationship he's ever known.

They say that no man is an island. Obviously they've never met Jack Harkness.

Only Jack isn't an island. He's more like the tiniest, iciest moon orbiting the furthest planet from the sun. Oh sure, he has that charming smile and that easy manner, and can flirt with anyone or anything to get what he wants, but it's all an act. I used to think that Jack was impervious - bullet proof, if you will pardon the pun - but I know better now. I used to be so wrapped up in my own pain that I thought nothing could touch him. He was just this larger than life presence in the room that sucked all the air out of it. You couldn't help but bask in the aura of self confidence he exuded. Now though I can see just how much it costs him to put on that show. It's a defence mechanism, like a chameleon changing its colour to blend in with its surroundings, never calling attention to its vulnerability. Jack's is more an art of distraction, I suppose, like magic mirrors.

Once upon a time I would have laughed at that. I wouldn't have seen Jack's troubles if you'd set them on fire, but only an idiot can stay blind forever. Still, the more I try to get to the bottom of it, the deeper the mystery seems to go. Every time you think you get a glimpse of the Jack behind the smiles, it dissipates through your fingers like trying to catch smoke. There's something behind those eyes, a darkness that lies there in wait, but to snare what?

He won't let me in. God only knows I've tried. Whenever things start to get too personal he shuts himself away, changes the subject, or uses physical distractions. The worst part is that I let him. I should stand firmer, be more insistent, try to break down those walls, only Jack is stubborn. It's that icy moon spinning its own orbit, steadfastly keeping to the same path over and over again, never letting anything deviate it from its heading. There's some hidden gravity keeping Jack firmly fixed in place. You can keep pace with him for a short while, even lull yourself into a false sense of security that you've synched your orbit with his, but ultimately everybody ends up the same, pulled out into deep space, or worse, slamming straight into the surface of the planet.

I don't know what to do anymore. Keep fighting a losing battle to get beneath Jack's skin and find out what really makes him tick, or accept that there is no one in the entire universe like Jack, which means that none of us can ever truly understand. Jack holds himself apart because we aren't like him and never can be. He's done things we'll never know about, and will likely do things in the future that we can't even begin to comprehend.

Still, for now, he's my island. Completely uncharted territory.