Ficlet_zone Challenge 11 - Keeping your silence

[m_findlow]

Title: Keeping your silence
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Jack  
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,465 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for Challenge 11 - Shania Twain Song Titles (Bite my lip) at ficlet_zone
Summary: Ianto feels trapped in a limbo between his normal life and Torchwood. Minor spoilers for Big Finish audioplay "Broken".

'Molly!' Jack called out, bursting through the door and making the small bell tinkle. 'Lookin' good baby! Five cod and chips when you're ready!'

Ianto followed in Jack's wake, substituting the cold night air for the stifling hot atmosphere inside the fish and chip shop. He wasn't all that hungry but Jack had already taken it upon himself to order for them all, regardless of their personal preferences. It didn't matter that he probably would have said cod anyway, it was just the principle of the matter. Jack always felt like he knew what was best for everybody.

'Oh, and add one of these steamed dim sims to the bill,' Jack said, already pulling the lid off the steamer basket on the counter and helping himself. 'Actually, make it two,' he said scoffing the first and pulling out a second. 'Ianto, you want one?' He muffled through a steamy mouthful.

'No thank you, sir,' he replied, scrunching his nose slightly at the nauseating smell of overcooked cabbage wafting from the steamer. He tried to focus instead on the smell of all those chips being deep fried, salt dusted over everything, and the vinegar tang of the pickled onions. Anything to be rid of the smell of blood. He hadn't touched a piece of red meat for nearly two weeks now, always managing to have an excuse when the rest of them wanted pizza. He could hardly just stop ordering it without any explanation. Instead it was a lot easier just to say he had some work he wanted to finish, and for them to go on ahead, or save him a slice of margherita. That was about as much as he could stomach. Even the coleslaw would have been more appealing if it didn't come with an overwhelming sense of guilt. Fish at least was a safe option, minus the tomato sauce.

Jack moved back over to the far side of the shop, taking up residence in one of the metal chairs that lined the wall. 'Sit,' Jack said, offering the empty chair next to him. The chairs were squashed cheek by jowl and Jack's legs were spread comfortably such that taking a seat next to him would have had their knees practically pressed together. Not to mention their elbows, arms and pretty much everything else.

'I've been sitting all day, sir. Think I'll stand if it's all the same to you.'

'Suit yourself,' Jack said, shrugging off the rebuff with that same air of nonchalance he used pretty much anytime Ianto denied him.

Ianto leant his back against the wall nearby, taking out his phone and scrolling through Gwen's computer logs, reviewing the information she'd been looking into when she'd called them in the car. Bobby Darlington. Heroin addict. Reported to the police as missing two days ago by his sometimes girlfriend. The address caught him off guard. Only one street away from Ianto's own flat.

'What do you think about these people going missing?' Ianto asked. 'The ones Gwen mentioned.'

Jack barely moved from the relaxed position in his chair. 'Well, I think we can safely say that they're not being taken by cannibals. I mean, it's Radyr, they've still got Tescos so I don't think they're that desperate.' He smiled at the comment before he caught the stoic expression on Ianto's face and dropped it. 'Sorry. Too soon?'  

Ianto didn't think there would be any time when it would be okay to make light of what they'd seen. Ianto waited for Jack to say something more, but he was already distracted by the people who'd just walked in, wanting to order virtually one of everything on the board. That was so like Jack, he thought. He promised Gwen he'd look into it when they got back to the hub, but Ianto knew he wouldn't. A few people went missing and it was no big deal. Out in the countryside it might seem peculiar but in the middle of a city of a million people, it wasn't exotic enough.

Jack bored easily. He needed something to keep his adrenaline pumping all the time, even if it was only driving like he was in the Dakar Rally on the way to get fish and chips. Ianto could have mentioned that Gwen wasn't the only one noticing people going missing - that he thought there was more to it - but if Gwen saying it wasn't enough to pique Jack's interest, then nothing Ianto said was likely to elicit any response either. Normal people like them were just expendable. Normal people like Ianto or Bobby who had to find ways to make their pain go away for a little while didn't matter to Jack. He didn't understand what it was like to hurt that much.

Maybe Bobby had just overdosed. Maybe he was lying unconscious in some alleyway half a mile away, or had stumbled into the Taff and drowned. Maybe he'd owed money to his dealer who dealt with bad debts the old fashioned way. All of those things were possibilities, and it was likely that police might find his body in the next forty-eight hours. Until then, he was another name on Ianto's list to be investigated. Another person who maybe had a connection to the Ferret. It scared him a little bit. He'd been going there most nights for weeks now but nothing bad had happened to him. He half expected something to be following him home afterwards, picking off people one by one, but that was too random. All these people had problems; the kinds of problems that made you want to escape life, to run away or... worse, he thought, cringing at his own weakness. Death was a way out for sure.

'Earth to Ianto,' Jack said, suddenly stood in front of him, waving a hand in front of his face. Ianto blinked, surprised to discover just how deep in thought he'd been.

'You were totally zoned out there,' Jack said. 'Anywhere in particular?'

'Just...' he sighed. 'Long day,' he replied.

'Early night for you, then,' Jack insisted. 'No going out and partying long into the night.' He grinned as if he knew Ianto would never do such a thing. He'd never actually asked what Ianto did when he went home. Did he watch mindless TV? Read books on the fall of the Roman empire? Prune his collection of bonsai plants? Maybe he trawled the internet, playing RPG games until the wee hours of the morning, or stalked chatrooms looking for underage girls. Jack really had no idea and didn't seem inclined to wonder. Even after everything. Maybe some part of Ianto's personality had split - a result of all the trauma he'd experienced - and he was the one making people in the area disappear, completely unbeknownst to the other part of his conscious mind. Maybe he should have killed himself when he'd had the chance.

Ianto brushed past Jack and up to the counter, seeing the paper wrapped packages piled high.

'That'll be fifteen pound fifty. Oh, and I've thrown in the dim sims for free,' Molly added, beaming over Ianto's shoulder at Jack just behind him.

Ianto reached into his jacket for his wallet when Jack's hand on his arm stopped him. 'I've got this.'

'It's the Torchwood credit card,' Ianto clarified for him. It was well worn from being used virtually every day.

Jack instead pulled out cash, handing it over with a wink. 'My treat,' he said, handing over the twenty pound note. His brow furrowed slightly as he looked back at Ianto. 'You sure I can't get you something else? Soda. Pineapple fritter? Anything you want.'

He wanted Jack to start taking him seriously. He wanted Jack to look into Gwen's missing people in earnest. He wanted... he wanted Jack to not stand so close that he could smell him - that aftershave he supposedly didn't wear that made Ianto's head feel all floaty and weird.

'I'm fine, sir,' he said, biting his lip and saying none of the things that were on his mind, as if any of it probably made a shred of difference to Jack.

'Okay, then.' Jack tipped a salute at the shopkeeper. 'Molly, love your work as always. We'll see you around. Come on, Ianto,' Jack added, bundling the packages under his arm. 'The troops will be waiting and we don't want these to get cold. Nothing worse than cold fish and chips.'  

Ianto swallowed hard. Another attempt by Jack to break a land speed record as well as about twelve road laws. If he made it back to the hub in one piece, he was going to treat himself to a double shot when he made it to the pub later tonight. Suddenly, missing people seemed like the least of his problems.

Comments

[bk_forever]

Poor Ianto. In some ways Jack seems to be trying too hard, and at the same time he might as well be looking right through Ianto since he doesn't seem to have any idea of the turmoil he's in.

[m-findlow.livejournal.com]

I think Jack knows there's stuff troubling Ianto but he's torn between trying to yank it out of him so that they can deal with it, and wanting to let Ianto come to him on his own terms. They'll eventually muddle their way through.