Torchwood: Fanfic: Grass isn't greener

[m_findlow]

Title: Grass isn't greener
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Torchwood team
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 2,282 words
Content notes: Spoilers for Episode 1.5 - Countrycide
Author notes: Written for prisca's prompt "Any, any, first camping trip together" at fic_promptly
Summary: Ianto thought getting out on a case would be good for him.

The moment Ianto got in the car he knew that coming along on this assignment was a mistake. Last night he'd actually been somewhat enthusiastic about going out with the team on a case, loudly telling his newest friend and local barmaid how thrilled he was that perhaps the team were finally starting to take him seriously and include him as part of the team. This sounded like just the kind of case he could really get his teeth into, not naturally playing to any one person's strengths. He didn't have any specific expertise to offer them, apart perhaps from his ability to serve up food and drink, and to keep them organised. People going missing out in rural Wales however was a puzzle, and Ianto liked puzzles. Why hadn't he just said being more involved was what he wanted ages ago?

Now he knew why. Two hours of packing the SUV under Jack's instructions to make sure that had enough kit to be able to camp out for the night, only to have Jack upend all his careful packing at the last minute, trying to find... something. What he hadn't said.

'No suit?' Jack observed as he rifled through the neatly packed bags and boxes.

'Didn't quite fit in with the whole camping thing,' he'd replied, trying to keep his looks of utter displeasure in check.

'Huh,' Jack said, wandering off, his search abandoned.

What was that supposed to mean? Ianto wondered. Maybe Mandy's advice hadn't been so great after all. He looked down at his attire. The jeans were a lot looser that he remembered. Lisa always said he was too skinny, as if she weren't. 'They'll fall right off you one day,' she warned. 'Just imagine that. Your pants falling off you in the middle of Piccadilly Circus.' She laughed out loud and he huffed at her. Looking down again he tightened the belt another notch, just in case. When he caught his reflection in the back window of the SUV he frowned. He looked so plain. And thin, now that he saw himself. He'd dressed so that he might fit in with the rest of the team but instead he just felt out of place. No one else had made a comment about his clothes. Perhaps it wasn't just the suit that made him invisible. Perhaps he was permanently invisible.

'Alright, people, let's go!' Jack shouted and they all piled into the SUV in their respective positions.

As Owen threw open the door, he afforded a look back at Ianto behind him, then the back seat of the SUV. 'Er, right, there's a three of us,' he noted, Tosh having already assumed her spot and buckled in. 'Right, well, guess you get the middle,' Owen said, stepping aside so Ianto could clamber in. If that wasn't a signal that the team weren't used to having him come along, then he didn't know what was. A car big enough for five of them, yet apart from Jack, he was the next tallest, but lumped with the second rate middle back seat position. No one was offering to switch places with him. Then again, the rest of them knew what Jack's driving was like. If he hit the brakes suddenly, no one wanted to be in that middle spot, thrown clear through the front windscreen as the SUV finally came to a halt.

'You're not going to make us listen to that Radio Wales bollocks on the way there, are you?' Owen griped, jostling Ianto with his elbow as he clipped in his seat belt, scowling at Jack in the driver's seat.

Jack sighed and switched the radio off altogether. 'I happen to like their programs,' he said in rebuttal.

'Yeah, well maybe if you're over sixty that sort of thing appeals.'

Ianto resisted the urge to add comment. He always had the radio on when he was cleaning the SUV or taking it down to the car wash. He quite liked Jack's choice of station too, and it was a lot better than listening to the huffing and complaining of his fellow passengers.

'It'll be nice getting out there,' Mandy had promised him. 'You could do with some fresh air, Ianto. Bit of a break from the norm.' She beamed at him as she slid a fresh pint of beer across the bar towards him. 'Just what you need. Like a bit of a holiday.'

'I hate the countryside,' Owen moped loudly, distracting Ianto from his thoughts as Jack hurtled them down the road. 'It's dirty, it's unhygienic, and what is that smell?'

Ianto caught the eye roll from Gwen in the rear vision mirror. 'That would be grass.'

Owen nodded, agreeing that must be what it is. 'It's disgusting.'

Ianto waited for the inevitable comment from Jack to tell Owen to stop complaining but it never came. Either he was too distracted himself or he'd simply become immune to it.

When Jack spotted a burger van parked on the top of the hill it was a blessed relief to get out of the car and away from Owen's griping. Perhaps Owen would be in a better mood once he'd been fed. Ianto could do that. He was good at settling the natives with the appearance of food and drink. And they had been on the road since sparrows. Who wouldn't be a little tetchy? Burgers, regardless of their hepatitis status, did keep the complaints at bay whilst Jack studied map of the area.

It didn't last though. No sooner than they were back on the road Jack was pulling over, sending the SUV bouncing over the hilly terrain. His teeth clattered together over every rock and ridge, paying no respect to the SUVs suspension. He prayed Jack would stop before every bone in their bodies became irreparably bruised.

'Welcome to Camp Torchwood,' Jack announced, having finally found a section of relatively flat ground. 'The facilities are...' he waved his arms in both directions, 'anywhere you like, but just try to keep it a decent distance from the tents.'

'Tents?' Owen said. 'I thought you were kidding about the camping thing.'

Jack quirked an eyebrow at him. 'Does this look like the face of a joker to you?'

Owen scowled. 'No comment.'

Iamto spent the next hour unpacking the SUV. Jack had managed to upend almost everything and he was still no clearer as to what exactly it was Jack had been looking for. At least putting up the tents gave him something useful to do. He banged the pegs into the ground with the hammer as loudly as he could to drown out the sound of Owen's continuing list of grievances.

Once he had the first tent up, the girls moved their gear inside. The second one was almost done as well by the time Owen got around to finally helping him with the third tent. He prayed that Jack, who had for all this time simply sat in the SUV studying maps, wasn't planning on keeping a whole tent for himself. If Ianto had to spent a night in a tent with Owen he might just commit suicide, or perhaps murder. Owen might be the next person to mysteriously go missing. Even sharing a tent with Jack was a better premise. At least the girls had been useful in the interim, setting some of the camp beds around a fire they'd made. Owen was still insisting he'd been given a tent with pieces missing. Nothing was missing. Ianto hadn't been up since four am only to pack a bunch of tents with pieces missing. It had looked suspiciously unsturdy after Owen had erected it until Ianto had fixed the ropes into their proper positions. The only thing missing was Owen's ability to put up something as simple as a tent.

'Who was the last person you snogged?' Gwen asked, beaming a smile around the group as they huddled by the fire for warmth for a lack of anything else to do. Apparently Jack had no intention of furthering their investigations until tomorrow morning. That left them with more time to kill in close proximity to one another than Ianto was looking forward to, and Gwen had just proven why.

For once, Ianto had to agreed with Owen. This was a really stupid game and one he didn't want to play. It only got more and more awkward as it drew on, Tosh first admitting she hadn't had a kiss since Owen begrudged her under some mistletoe eight months ago, and then him having to fess up that he'd kissed Gwen in circumstances neither of them would elaborate on, which left Tosh's nose out of joint and a tense glare between Gwen and Owen. Obviously she hadn't expected him to dish that little piece of information up. Served her right, Ianto thought.

Jack did his best to defuse the tension but by then Ianto was so fed up with being out here that he felt the need to be spiteful. All of Mandy's assurances that this was just what he needed were turning out to be a load crap. He'd much rather have just stayed at home. Reminding them all about Lisa had the desired effect. Now they all felt as equally miserable as he did. All, except Jack who glared at him with something akin to hatred, as if he had no right to bring the matter up again. Whatever, he thought, casting his eyes into the dirt between his feet. You might forget, but I never will.

Jack's ire at him didn't last long however. No sooner had Owen and Gwen disappeared off into the woods on the auspices of getting more firewood then they'd uncovered a body. It was probably connected to the people who'd gone missing in the area. Its identity would be harder to confirm, stripped of its flesh and any identifying features. Male and an approximate age was about as much as Owen could surmise. Putting crime scene tape around the area was probably overkill but at least it gave him something to do. Mutilated bodies really weren't his cup of tea. He was happy to leave that to the professionals, if they could be called that.

He was so busy blocking out the sounds of their conversation that a different sound caught his ears. It was the sound of an engine rumbling into life. He knew that sound anywhere.

'Is that ours?' Gwen asked, picking up on the sound as well, identifying the hallmark growl of the SUV's engines.

'Yep,' Jack said, already spinning and making a run back toward camp.

Ianto wasn't watching where his feet were going as he chased blindly after Jack, watching the SUV run rings around their campsite, trampling the tents, breaking poles and snapping ropes. He stumbled slightly, regaining his feet before his ankle could go out from under him and hearing the roar of the SUV's engines fade away as Jack's own roar of frustration issued from his throat.

Someone had been watching them, waiting for the moment their attention was diverted. Maybe it was just some hooligan youths that had been behind them on the highway. They could have seen the expensive car turn off the main road and just doubled back, waiting for an opportunity to snatch it. Whatever the case, they wee now without their only mode of transport, stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Tosh thankfully still had her PDA. It had been in her pocket at the time rather than in the SUV with all their other equipment. She took great pleasure in reading Owen the riot act for leaving the car unlocked. Maybe if he'd spent less time griping and more time concentrating, they might have caught the thieves in the act, or at least foiled their attempts to break in and take off with it.

'Find out where they've taken it,' Jack snapped, still irate as he kicked out at a broken camp bed, then followed it up by booting their kettle thirty yards off into the distance.

'Let me,' Ianto quietly replied, holding out his hand towards Tosh. If Jack had any more bad temper left, at least he could direct it at Ianto and not Tosh. It wasn't her fault. Now they faced the prospect of being stuck here for the night with hardly a sleeping bag between them that hadn't been destroyed by the miscreants who'd purloined their vehicle. Alternatively it was a long walk back to the highway and not much chance of flagging down a passing car on a road that was rarely traveled. Certainly not one that would accommodate five of them. And then there was still the matter of all the people who'd gone missing around the area. Did they really want to be hitchhiking in a place like this? Jack didn't even want them staying in a hotel.

When Jack repeated his question, having calmed down considerably, Ianto was at the ready to answer it. The SUV had stopped, maybe it was even parked. According to Gwen, there was a village located at the spot Ianto had the vehicle placed. That could hardly be a coincidence.

A long hike to a tiny village where they might hopefully find the SUV and reclaim it. With luck, that might be the end of it. Jack would be at the end of his tether by then and take them all back home. Ianto checked the GPS display again. Still no further movement from the SUV. Just three and a half miles of unforgiving mountainous terrain standing between them and it and going home. He sighed. At least things couldn't possibly get any worse.

Comments

[mscatmoon.livejournal.com]

Never think things can't get worse! Poor Ianto, hoping for a nice break in the outdoors and instead he got a nightmare.

[jo02]

Oh, famous last words, Ianto.

[bk_forever]

Poor Ianto; in Torchwood things can ALWAYS get worse, and frequently do. if he thinks it's bee a bad day up to this point, it's about to get much worse =(